I can't stand SS

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Note: this is a rant, I am venting. I am kind to the kid, I try to help. This is what I can't say to anyone else.

He is SO GROSS. I can't stand being around him. I think he has hit peak grossness, at 13. He has lank, greasy hair, and zits, and braces, so he is always drooling a bit, and food and spit fly out of his mouth as he talks and chews food. He is huge and smells really really bad - musty clothes and rank BO ALL The time. I had to disinfect my couch this summer after he spent a week on it. It smelled so bad. I am just disgusted by his very presence.

He doesn't ever help, or do ANYTHING for the house, or hold a conversation, or do anything for anyone other than himself at all. ALL he does is play video games, at full blast, preferably in the middle of our living room. He has a gaming system in his bedroom but he prefers to sit literally one foot in front of the big tv in the living room with the sound on full blast, playing goddamn video games. If we don't kick him off he plays for 12-15 hours straight. I kick him out of the living room when I come home, and so I am the bad guy.

He has never washed a dish, or done a chore. My DF won't make him. It sucks. I hate being this kid's servant.

He looks like a man now. I had this awful flash, the other night, when we came home and he was sitting with his feet up on the tv screen, full blast, gaming, this MAN in my living room. This parasite. My DF swears SS will not live with us after he turns 18, but I don't see how it will ever change. This will be his life, sweating, greasy, useless, in my living room 10 years from now.

I am not getting married to my DF anytime in the next few years. I need to protect myself. I love him, but I don't want this kid.

"DF your son smells bad and

"DF your son smells bad and has terrible table manners. I am not your servant or his. Make him bathe, teach him to chew quietly and assign him chores to help clean up what filth he creates in our home. Why are you allowing him to develop into a gross adult? You are failing him as a father."

Like that will work *rolls

Like that will work *rolls eyes*

https://www.steptalk.org/node/240378

You never know... I'm not one

You never know... I'm not one to talk but try talking to DF because I HATE stinky anything! So I can imagine this living creature smelling and being lazy. He has 2 options...1 get in line or 2 get a job...he's old enough to rake someone's leaves or mow a lawn...

My only saving grace is that

My only saving grace is that DH has a very sensitive sense of smell and is not above saying, "You stink!" to his children.

Mine too If his DD smells

Mine too If his DD smells he tells her as soon as she's in the car when he collects her - luckily he can't cope with any dirty smells!

Unfortunately, my DF does not

Unfortunately, my DF does not have a good sense of smell. But even he agrees that SS's room reeks. He wants to put those plug-in air freshener things in there, but I hate the smell of them. But they may be better than the smell of SS's room. I don't know.

DF is afraid of his kids. Actually afraid of his ex, who likes to take him to court for fun. She has tons of disposable income, so whenever she feels like it, she drags him to court. One time it was over shampoo. $5000 and a day off work because spoiled SD didn't like the kind of shampoo we bought. So BM tried to get full custody over that. Didn't work, of course, but it was SO expensive and stressful. So DF tiptoes around his kids and they are lazy, smelly slobs.

I COMPLETELY understand how

I COMPLETELY understand how you feel.
I have THREE stepsons - all teenagers, all lazy as hell, all with a huge sense of entitlement, all have disgusting BO and live like pigs.
It's infuriating - I can't stand being around them. I have spent hundreds of dollars (literally) on candles and air fresheners trying to mask their rank scent.

The thing that is so upsetting is that when I first started dating their dad (we are now married) - the kids were responsible for more (as young boys) than they are now as young, soon to be adult men. They do NOTHING around the house - NOTHING!!!! And their dad doesn't make them. They do not have to help with dishes after a meal - they simply walk away from the table when they are done eating, leaving their mess behind for someone else to clean up for them. My husband defends them - infuriating! He acts like they are little toddlers, incapable of completing basic household chores.
We spent hundreds of dollars on lawncare earlier this year - paying someone to clear leafs (or is it leaves?) from our yard because the kids didn't have to pick up a rake and help.
Similarly, I have spent hours shoveling snow over the past couple of weeks - despite the fact that I have arthritis - despite the fact that the 'three lazies' were here. They had no regard for me whatsoever. I guarantee it NEVER crossed their lazy, entitled as*** to get up and help. And of course, their dad didn't make them.

Furthermore, adding fuel to their entitled attitude fire - they don't have to work or earn anything.
They have everything handed to them on a silver platter.
Cars, computers, iphones, iwatches, etc. etc. It is sickening.
As a result, they do not take care of anything in our home (frequently spill things on our new'ish furniture, carpet etc.). They don't care, because 1) they are never disciplined by their dad
2) they have no value of the dollar because they are spoiled brats who get anything they want.

It is sad because this situation is causing a huge divde in my relationship with my husband. I am very resentful of the way he allows them to behave. They have no rules whatsoever. They do whatever the he** they want.
As a result, I too hibernate in my room most of the time when they are here.

I truly can't stand them. }:)

Ugh, what an awful situation.

Ugh, what an awful situation. This is a husband problem. Your husband is doing his kids a huge disservice, and you're paying the price. I have no advice, just sympathy.

Omg!! You wrote what I feel.

Omg!! You wrote what I feel. Only problem is he’s going to a local college still living with Ian he keeps threatening to move out when he turns 18 Which is in 2 weeks. No job, no money but will probably end up living at my inlaws because my mother in law thinks he can do no wrong. I do not like having him around. 1 he smells so bad that whatever room he goes into then smells. My daughter who isn9 and adores him told him the other day that he smells so bad that’s why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. His last girlfriend smelled as bad as him. Yep I wanna puke Just thinking about it. My husband has full custody. I’ve been step mom for the past 13 years and he refuses to shower. It got so bad last week that my husband on the rare ox Asia on told him to go shower. But I mean c’mon. EWWWWWWW!!!! He is so disrespectful. All he does is play video games. So I took away hisnplaystation and phone and now he is even worse to live with.

Omg!! You wrote what I feel.

Aside from the part about

Aside from the part about going to college, I could write the exact same thing about my SS17. "... I am counting the days until that lazy, ungrateful, self-centered, egotistical, narcissist is out of my life on a daily basis." It's sad we know how that feels, and amazing to me that another person describes how I feel and how my life is right now so exactly.

You are so smart to not rush

You are so smart to not rush into marriage. Your SS sounds just like mine. I'm fortunate that my DH will make him shower and brush his teeth.

SS keeps saying he's going into the military after high school. As of right now, he'd have to lose about 80 pounds to accomplish that, so I don't see it happening. I think he's saying it just so DH will stop talking to him about getting a job.

"SS keeps saying he's going

"SS keeps saying he's going into the military after high school."

OMG that is exactly the line my SS17 has been appeasing DH with for the past few years. Insane levels of bullsh*t that even DH finally called him out on it (and a bunch of other stuff about 2 weeks ago).

I am counting down to this Summer, when DH keeps his word and sends SS18-by-then on his way. I am not going to miss the lying, stoned, lazy, unclean, and frequently sick SS's bad habits & b.s. I do love that kid, but am sooOOo ready for the freedom from living with him (and by proxy, bad life-navigation skills he learned from BM). It's taken a mental, physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual toll on me. Very grateful for you all here on StepTalk... an oasis of sanity and wisdom and encouragement and honesty.

Go purchase a molded plastic

Go purchase a molded plastic table and 4 chairs and put them in a corner of the living room. Tell DF and his spawn that until the hygiene issue is resolved and remains so that the kid will only be allowed to sit on the molded plastic furniture. Outline that if he does not fix the problem immediately and consistently that his bed will be replaced by an inflatable mattress on the floor that can be easily disinfected.

Once a week SS will take the plastic furniture outside to be hosed off, scrubbed, and disinfected.

Do not tolerate this toxic crap from any child or adult living in the home. It is your home too and common decency dictates that the habitants of the home care for themselves, their personal space and their belongings in a way that does not degrade the experience of others in the home or the home itself.

IMHO of course.

OMG... I feel the same way

OMG... I feel the same way about my SS! But I've always felt like such a bad person for thinking this way! He's 14 and he is literally driving me insane! I honestly get headaches being around him because of all of the things I want to say to him and feel that. Thank you so much for being honest and making me feel like I'm not such a horrible person after all!

Don’t let him play in the

Don’t let him play in the living room. Remove the gaming system from the living room.
If it comes back remove it from the house
Tell him he stinks and needs a shower. If he doesn’t like it he can live someplace else.
I would not be paying the bills and not be listed too.
Have to make a stand or all is lost

Eeewww...take a shower kid! I

Eeewww...take a shower kid!
I would:
Take video games out of living and his room and lock(yes lock)away.Or magically disappear a needed cord... Muhuhaahaha
Make a list of chores to complete
He completes them then he hets an hour of time to game Next week
Bc he stinks so bad I would make chores outdoorsy things and wrap my furniture in plastic or put covers on it but this is just a quick fix when you should(DF shoud but what are the chances)have ss clean it.

What does the father do about

What does the father do about this? It is so scary that he may very well be like this in 10 years. Trust me, I feel your pain. My ss does the same but I'm not allowed to give him direction because my bf had this kid completely enabled.he's taught to not take directions from anyone but my bf. If you can teach him, is it possible for him to follow through with directions? My ss is 18 now...was 14 when I met him...it wasn't nipped in the bud so it's worse now

I’m so sorry. This literally

I’m so sorry. This literally sounds like my fiance’s almost 16 year old son and I’ve dealt with this since he was 13. We’ve been together almost 3 years. I’ve also become the, “evil step mom” because I expect structure and for him to clean up after himself in a house I 1/2 own with his dad. And the kid does live with us. But he lies, he’s lazy, disrespectful, entitled, etc. He’s gotten violent and thrown massive fits over expecting to clean his room, having electronics taken away until he does, etc. He also lies to not have to take a shower, do chores, etc. He also thinks he can sing (he’s seriously horrible) and will sing full blast down the hall and through the house. He’ll blast the music in his room and literally down the hall instead of pausing it and coming back to it in his room. Then he argues with you when you tell him it’s too loud. I used to DREAD being in the car with him because the smell was so hard to handle. It’s taken almost 3 years to get his dad to semi-parent and stand by my side on structuring the kid but he still barely does. I finally got him to a point of telling the kid we know when he’s lying about taking a shower because the towels aren’t going down, his hair isn’t wet, the shower isn’t wet, etc.

I feel a tiny bit better that

I feel a tiny bit better that others are going through the exact same thing as me! SS is nearly 16 and this kid is lucky if he sees the inside of a shower twice a week. Another gross habit is “forgetting” to flush the toilet! I had had enough yesterday and left a note saying flush and it’s not nice seeing and smelling his urine and to stop being a lazy slob. He retaliated by writing f@&$k off and get a job on the note! Thankfully his Dad was furious and hauled him out of bed to apologise. I’ve refused to speak or even look at him today I’m so upset. He can’t wipe himself properly after going number 2s as I’ve noticed skid stains on the OUTSIDE of his sweat pants! His room reeks and I refuse to enter it. He spends all of his time when he’s not at school playing video games. His grades at school are dismal. His father did take away his games but reinstated them when he had finished an assignment. He also does nothing to help and if asked whines about it. As far as I know, his clothes haven’t been washed in a week. (I’m certainly not doing it - up to his father to either get him to wash them or he do it himself.) I feel better knowing others care in the same boat.

There's certainly no simple

There's certainly no simple solution to the other problems but there is for the gaming in the living room; don't have a games console in there. If he's already got one in his room, then why does he need to monopolise the living room playing video games too? He's still a child, and needs to follow the rules of your household. Maybe don't let him use his games console unless he's washed? It seems really not good for him to be playing for such long periods, especially when his personal hygiene and weight are being negatively affected. I hear you can put time limiters on TVs and games consoles. Once it cuts out, that's it, no room for negotiation.

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