Will try to keep it short and to the point but I have a lot to vent : lived with spouse almost 4 years, married for over 3. Stepson is 20 yrs old and lives full time with us. He has dropped out of school twice now, has no intentions of going back and works here and there at a job on an as-needed basis - sometimes it's every day and other times it's once or twice every couple of weeks. He pays no rent, pays no bills, we still buy his personal items like shampoo, saline, deodorant etc.  (when he uses them), found out recently that husband has been paying for 20 yr olds car insurance this whole time (despite husband telling me we couldn't afford health insurance) and 20 yr old spends his money on whatever he wants to, like expensive $15 a plate lunches or gourmet pizza restaurants.  We don't ask 20 yr old to do anything but stay clean and the kid can't do it, he won't even take the trash out when it's full (he instead balances trash on the top of a full trash can and leaves it for someone else to take care of).  I have talked to husband for 4 years about his children, their personal hygiene and lack of responsibility. The 12 yr old is doing great and when he is here, husband constantly reminds him to brush teeth, use deodorant , throw away his trash and water bottles etc.  The 20 yr old is somewhat better now but still disgusting. Zzz Last October I finally flipped my lid and went over my husband and called out the 20 yr old bc husband's  "talks" clearly had not worked the whole 3 1/2 years I had lived with them here. I usually stay out of things where his kids are concerned and I don't go in 20yr olds bedroom, but the times that I have it has always been in disgusting condition. For over 3 years I had left it up to my husband to talk to him about this stuff and to make sure things are kept cleaned up. The kid literally had fast food bags of trash (with food in them) laying on top of piled up trash in his floor all around his feet under his desk and under his bed. Dirty clothes and wet towels piled in the hamper/floor for 2+weeks, and he had had no shower in 6 days at that point - SIX DAYS - it smelled awful in his room.  I have found open cupcake wrappers with half eaten cupcakes left in 20 yr olds bed before. He has been caught several times using the restroom (both number 1 and number 2) and not washing his hands, then getting into the fridge or chip bag, then lying to his dad when confronted. I do not trust him when he claims he has washed his hands and I feel like I have to go around with bleach and paper towels and disinfect everything that I think he's touched during the day. I am now having to keep my salad stuff and blocks of cheese I use for cooking out in the garage fridge so he doesn't touch them bc he was making a salad several days ago and his fingernails were so gross I almost gagged as I watched him handle the head of lettuce....Husband told me later that he asked 20yr old if he washed his hands before getting into the lettuce, block of cheese and crouton bag - of course 20 yr old said yes and husband automatically believed him, but I do not trust him, as he has been caught twice lying about that. I ended up throwing all 3 things away after I found what looked like crumbs of some kind on the block of cheese. I HAVE gotten ill before from a restaurant who had nasty cooks who did not wash their hands so I guess I'm extra paranoid. 20 yr old showers 2-3 times a week now (before it was once a week even if he worked every day. When he was in HS he played baseball and would go to bed after his games without showering and no one ever told him it was gross). I can tell that 20yr old is still not using soap or shampoo bc he never smells like he does, the bathroom never smells like it does after the 12 yr old or husband showers and they all 3 use strong smelling man soap.  20 yr olds hair never looks clean but rather greasy, even after a shower. His clothes and body have a smell, like a mildewed clothes and greasy hair/oily body smell. You can smell that smell in the hall even when his door is closed. I have purposely turned his toothbrush a certain way so I can tell if he's moved it or not - his toothbrush will stay unmoved for 6-8 days at a time (despite thousands that were spent on his teeth for braces). 20yr old is allegedly going to start paying for his own car insurance now that he's dropped out of school again, he washes his hands more now and he does take the trash out when he sees that it's full. I'm also going to tell husband that 20 yr old is going to have to start purchasing his own toiletries. He needs more responsibilities at this age. My issue now is I've grown to not like this kid anymore. He's disgusting and gross and I would never live with a roommate who is like this. I hate feeling like there is possibly feces on the microwave or fridge handles, I hate feeling like I have to hide things I want to eat bc I'm scared of getting sick again. I hate smelling that smell he has, I never goes away. I also can't have a conversation with my husband without this 20 yr old butting in and asking what we're talking about. I've even tried to embarrass him when he's butted in and it didn't work bc he did it again a few days later.  I told 20 yr old last fall if things didn't change he's going to have to go stay with his mom for awhile and that didn't go over very well with either him or husband, I think both may have actually cried about it. I really don't care at this point. I'm not happy with the living arrangements or with an adult child living off of us while I need insurance and he contributes zero. I'm hoping more will change, I'm just very unhappy with this whole situation.   I don't know what to do, or if there even is anything I can do about any of it.  Any advice or helpful comments are welcome