Step back and disengage, you do nothing for them, they do have a father in the house who can cater for them 24/7, it's not your children and not your responsibility, you are not responsible for the kind of adults they will be one day.

Now if they respect you and show it, then you can do something for them, if they disrespect you - you ignore them.
If you have a problem with them, keep quiet and talk to your husband when you are alone with him, say can you lease sort this out blablablabla...

It would be great if he can tell his brats, this is my wife, and when I'm not here you will listen to her and respect her, if not there will be consequences. (and he should then punish them)

Never say anything bad about them to him, always say... X happened today and I feel hurt... instead of saying, your daughter is a spoiled brat .

regarding the teen age girl being grounded hahahahahaha it's time to step up with the punishment, next time tell her, you are grounded for 2 weeks and this means, no screen time, no electronics, no TV, no hanging with friends, no phone.. basically house arrest... more room arrest.....

but it's not going to change and it's not going to go away, it's only going to get worse...

EDIT TO ADD: regarding the SS who keeps on complaining till he gets his way.... say NO once, second time he asks take away his phone or something and say.. I told you NO already and it's going to stay that way.... he already knows with him asking and asking eventually he will get a yes, manipulation... do not give in, keep your word and punish him if he keeps on asking

Sounds like you are doing a good job with parenting. Learning respect is also a part of "being a typical teen". When your SD15 is grounded, ignore her pleas and show of "poor me". Have a talk with DH and let him know how it is wearing on you, don't direct the discussion personally towards his kids, just discuss the "teen factor", and ask DH to continue to support you. Always keep your DH informed of issues that are serious, not every little incident that will pass. Ignore the little petty games and you will keep the trust from DH. I made some of these mistakes, so I know how personal DH's take this.

There is nothing wrong with a level of disengagement at this age. It is known as "tough love". If you set boundaries and house rules, as well as enforce them, with your DH's support; they need to learn the consequences of their actions. Walk away and disengage at the point of these tantrums.

You and your DH are their support system in your case, and tough love is part of the total support. Also, we had surprise discussions with our kids, both bio and skids; usually when an event took place, after the drama passed. We tried to not get into a head butting match, but to discuss it when they came to us wanting something. At that time, we would remind them that with more respect and better actions, they would receive more from us.

You are in a difficult situation and it is very frustrating. Hang in there and never, never say anything you will regret, step away and enforce. Parent by example. That's always what we tried to do. There is no answer to perfect kids or perfect parenting as you already know.

I've made plenty of mistakes as a parent. My SD56 has disliked me for 37 years (from day one); but I have NEVER had words with her. I have stayed silent and my actions have always been stronger than words with her. My SS's are respectful of me and always have been; we've had our rough roads too (YSS was 15 when we met), but because my DH stood with me where the SS's were concerned, they are good to me. DH never has had my back where SD is concerned and it shows.

I am totally disengaged from my SD56 and have been now for 8 years. She blames me for everything. I am at fault for our dysfunctional relationship, I am at fault because I took Dadeeee away from her (never), she hates her BM, but I'm the "other woman" (Not), and now she "misses Dadee....so much" since we've moved away from her. She has only visited a few times and says "I make her feel not wanted", imagine that. I tried for 30 years to please DH's princess and she treated me even worse with time; so I just walked away and let it drop; now it's my fault for disengaging. SD is welcome to visit DH anytime, take him to lunch, dinner, or have a week for a cruise, if they wish; I could use the break; but SD would rather whine and blame me for everything; she doesn't want to spend time with DH or she would do so.

You can't win, but you can look yourself in the mirror if you show respect, love you DH, and don't be a door mat, like I let myself be for 30 years. Stay here for support and vent all you need.

(((hugs)))

Get out now! We will build a site that brings PS that have no children together. There will be any number of better men in that group.

It will kill you. It is incredibly bad for your psychology and wellbeing. Nobody needs to live like this! You got a chance to have a better existence.

I am determined that I will get a new guy and live much happier. You need to be free. Most men think their children are an extension of their ego. Therefore you can't compete with his kids. Don't compete with them make sure that you show your ex you swanning around with your new man when you can. It is like constantly being cheated on.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED!!!!

Lazyday

I am new here myself and can only speak about my relationship with my bd. She is 20 next month and boy, was there a time when she was snippy and rude. One day, when she was about 13 I told her that there are going to be days when she doesn't like me, that there will be days when she even hates me. How did I know this? Because there were days when I was her age that I hated my own mom! It's part of life for children to gain autonomy from their parents, to try new and different things and to disagree with them. When my dd would get into one of her moods I would ask her, "Do you hate me today?" Sometimes I would hug her until she hugged me back. A real hug back! I never really pushed her to talk but I did let her know that her behaviour was unacceptable. I tell you, the ages between 13 and 17 were pretty crazy at times! I am not sure if you can take your sd out for lunch one day (when she is in one of her good moods) and have a conversation like that but it really helped open doors to communication. It wasn't like we had deep, soulful conversations after that but just a, " Do you hate me today?" got us through many rough times. PS - She said yes a lot! PSS - She has tuned into a beautiful young woman.