Anyone else want to just LEAVE??
Ok I need to vent. Living with my step son absolutely sucks. He's an ass hole. He's 16, selfish, lazy, smelly, moody, anti social, awkward and pretty much all the things a teen boy is.. and then some. he has pulled stunt after stunt to get attention, very dramatic and manipulative to get his way. His loser mother left him when he was a baby and now she has another baby who is like 4? She has never raised him, it's always been his father 100%. I say it's time for his mom to take over. I have lived with this kid for 4 years now, cooked, cleaned, give my time, money and guidance and none of it is appreciated. Being a step mom is a THANKLESS job. I'm sorry but it's not this way with your own kids. My mom and I fought but I still loved her deeply and we would always hug and make up and go get ice cream or do something nice together after a fight to show eachother we cared to smooth things over. Me and my step son, we barely speak so fighting rarely happens. He doesn't even care enough to exchange words with me, unless he needs something from me.
when it comes down to it, I really just don't want to live with him anymore.. so bad that I've considered a divorce. His father and I now have a baby together and that really hasn't been an option for me to leave but lately I have been contemplating. Would I be happier just leaving and having my own happy home and spending my time with my baby away from his darkness?? He is just so icky. I hate to use that word as an adult but seriously. He doesn't take care of his hygiene, he is sooooo awkward and is on all kinds of psychiatric medications. He loves to "act" depressed and try to get reactions out of us with painfully obvious fake behavior. Like staring at the wall for an hour and when we say what's wrong he says "I don't know, never know..." and I am like "I'm sorry what??" And he will just not respond... ummmm CREEEPy!!! We take him to counseling and he lies and just tries to charm the counselor and act like nothing is wrong. I should have known. I am NOT kidding like the second time I met him, he was so upset his dad was getting him a babysitter.. we took him out to dinner before our date for burgers and a milkshake.. he sat there with his mouth wide open, cheek resting on his hand and stared at he wall and wouldn't respond to us talking to him to reallly emphasize how miserable he was that his dad was going to leave on a date. Why did I not run for the hills at this time !?! What's done is done.. but I really feel like I just want to break free of this weirdness.
Disengage, that's all you can
Disengage, that's all you can do.
This means you do nothing for SS, you ignore him and if he asks you something, you smile and say ask your Dad....
He's not his responsibility Hon, your responsibility is your baby...
Hi s room being a mess, simply close the door, it's got nothing to do with you, SS staring at a wall for an hour without saying anything, pffftt let him go on for 2 hours, pretend you do not notice, seems to me he use this as a manipulation trick, cause with the therapist he's charming and out spoken, but at home he's moody.... he wants attention nothing more.... simply ignore it. Who cares if he stares at a wall for hours...
You step way , no more special treats, no more laundry nothing his Daddy can do it for him, you simply do yours and your child's and maybe DH's.. Start working on DH that SS will have to launch after high school, he's not going to sit at home the whole day doing nothing.... you have 3 years to accomplish this.
but saying all of this, decide if you love your husband or not, decide if you want to me in this marriage or not, if you want to be... make yourself happy it's no one's responsibility to make you happy but your own, do not let a moody 16 year old be the only cause of your failed marriage, get hobbies you can do, meet parents with kids your kid's age and hang out with them... never tell a living person how you feel about skid cause they will take his side, I always say - nah she's just a normal teen it will pass... (about my SD) but I know it will not she will always be a attention seeking bitch
Thank you, that is great
Thank you, that is great advice. Funny how you mentioned never to say these things to other people/parents. You're right, they don't understand and they will automatically say how bad they feel, he is just a kid, etc. it's just so frustrating because his actions and behaviors are those of a manipulative adult. He is old enough now to know what he's doing..
I have disengaged as far as the act of not involving myself.. more and more over the past year. It's time for me to emotionally disengage and not let it bother me on the inside. It makes me cringe when I'm out in my living room laughing and having a nice time with my baby, and he comes out of his dark, filthy room and says nothing other than "we have no milk", etc. that's where I need to kindly say "call your dad and let him know"..
No one will ever understand how hard it is to live with another persons disrespectful child unless they have been in the situation themselves. I Am tired of having to be the bigger person because he is the "kid" and I am the adult. No. This is also my life and I am not going to be a punching bag just because "I am the adult".
Stop feeling guilty cause you
Stop feeling guilty cause you and Baby have a nice time, if Grumpy comes down and say : We have no milk...
ignore it, he's 16 he can call his dad...... you do not even say Call your Dad.... simply let it fly out the window and deny ever hearing it....
Now if he comes down and says Hi FedUp, we ran out of milk can I go and get some for you...
Then you say, oh sure thanks for reminding me, lets see what we need and we will all go to the store and get some ice cream/snacks as well
Since mom is a loser for
Since mom is a loser for walking away from her kid(I agree 100%, what is dad who did an awful job raising the kid?
Your SS is a product of your husband's piss poor parenting.
What Disneyfan said... most
What Disneyfan said... most step parents (all?) aren't fond of our step kids and it's easy to hate the little entitled self-righteous punks. But, the reality is two fold a) they got that way because their care takers/parents allowed it (if not encouraged it) and b) People (in general) treat us the way we allow them to. You're in control of the second part which sounds like screams "disengagement" to me.
I agree with both of you. But
I agree with both of you. But the problem is, I'm in the situation now. I am trying to get some peace of mind by sharing my situation with other step parents hoping to get some support. Yes, his dad was an awful parent. Taught him close to nothing and now I'm suffering. The fact is, I've been around for 5 years now and have done my very best teaching him about respect, hard work, good manners, etc and instead of absorbing some of it, he just manipulates us to try to avoid being a decent human being. It's really sad and that's why I am here asking for advice and support.
You have been trying to
You have been trying to instill good things for 5 years. However, his dad has done nothing for 11 years.
You can't fix the problem. Your husband screwed up. If you're lucky, the kid will do a 180(or come close to it)on his own.
Stop beating yourself up over things that are out of you control. Now, what you can control is staying or leaving. Of course leaving means your child will be subjected to your husband's piss poor parenting during his visits.
When these kids grow into
When these kids grow into adults and even when move out of your house, pain steps only worsen their obnoxious passive aggressive behavior, believe it or not. If I had to live with those ill parented adults, I would have to file for divorce, no man is worth that torment; just cannot hate myself that much....lol. I can remain married because I am fully disengaged.
Wish I could give you more encouragement. If Daddeeee takes no control now, he likely never will...some of us know too well.
Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the response. You're totally right and thats what I needed to hear. I don't want to leave, the thought of having my baby half the time makes me sick to my stomach. I really need to learn to disengage. Easier said than done but I am going to try my best.
I think you need to read
I think you need to read this:
http://www.fillingyourniche.com/the-disengaging-essay/