BM thinks she deserves to be in DDs life
I've recently had a baby who SD15 adores, there's no issues there. However, ever since I was pregnant BM has been obsessed with holding DD and snuggling her. Of course I'm not about that, but I've not told SD. AD absolutely does not want her BM anywhere near DD, she didn't even want her to know what her gender was or her name, got mad when she demanded to see a picture of her. Now I know why SD has an issue with it, her BM abandoned her when she was 3 and didn't come back around until SD was 10. SD feels that BM should focus on being her mother and paying attention to her and not someone else baby. SD insists the only real reason she cares about DD is because she is DH baby and her BM thinks he will leave me for her. One day SD finally had enough of her BM going on and on about DD that she asked her why she cares so much, apparently BM said that because I have been in SD life so long that she deserves to be in DD life, how does that make any sense? Lately BM has been getting mad because she hasn't held DD yet...why would I let you even if SD was okay with it? She's not my friend or my family. Even her other daughter and boyfriend agree with SD that her obsession with DD is weird and crosses a line, apparently when they told her that she flipped out. If SD tells her that DD isn't her baby she'll yell at SD and accuse her of treating her badly. This woman even tried to tell DH what our nursery theme would be, tried to come to my baby shower, threw a fit at SD because she couldn't be at the hospital, and has asked DH when she can have DD for the night...wtf?
This woman has no reason to
This woman has no reason to be around your daughter. She has no relationship to the child and is the fathers ex for a reason.
Seems like she just has baby fever like everyone else who ends up near one. Stand firm and be polite while you can.
Let her know in no uncertain terms that she will not have any part in YOUR daughters life. That's not how step parenting works.
If she does somehow end up at the hospital ask security to remove her. I might go as far as letting them know in advance that this woman DOES NOT have your consent to be anywhere near your child or know ANYTHING about it's birth.
Holy Moly You are this
Holy Moly
You are this infants parent too. Therefore YOU can tell her to back off. This is not one of those moments that DH is the only one who can deal with it.
Lets suppose anyone else would behave this way that bm has, what would YOU do?
YOUR baby, YOUR marriage to YOUR dh, YOUR home, it is not BM, yours and DH baby.
Lucky our hospital has pretty
Lucky our hospital has pretty high security in the maternity ward, all doors were locked at all times, and fathers have to walk visitors in and out.
And she has asked us if we thought she was being weird, my DH said yes in a round about way. I straight up said yes! The woman never thinks what she says or does is anything but right. We had an issue a few summer's ago where she kept buying DH gifts, but would send them with SD to give for her in hopes he wouldn't refuse them. I ended up putting them in a box and sending it all back at the end of the summer. SD told her if she had to bring the box back home she would just take it all to goodwill. SD has also told her to focus on her own boyfriend and to work on liking his daughter...she treats that little girl like a pos. We've told her before that if she HAS to meet DD she can, but she is NOT holding her, but she doesn't get it through her skull. Luckily I don't go to drop offs or pick ups so baby doesn't go either. And on the rare occasions when she decided to drive to our house to get SD for her visit I have been gone.
You shouldn't even be letting
You shouldn't even be letting her see the baby, honestly. She sounds unbalanced. I would be petrified she'd kill you and take the baby. It's a very real threat especially when someone is obsessed like that, ESPECIALLY since she knows where you live.
What a nut.
That's a great book. There's
That's a great book. There's another one, Facing Violence by Rory Miller that talks about that. Predators will often use the desire to be polite to attack--many victims state they felt uncomfortable but the predator would do things like take their grocery bag despite objections and pretend to bring it to their apartment, etc. It was really an eye opener and after that book, I maintained firm boundaries especially in the face of discomfort.
NO NO NO NO NO ...She should
NO NO NO NO NO ...She should NOT meet DD. This is pathological behavior. SD's BM has no connectionto DD and should NOT be in her life. The obsession she is showing is clearly psychotic.
there is no reason on EARTH
there is no reason on EARTH that she has to meet your baby.
Nope, no way. Nuh-uh.
You guys are absolutely
You guys are absolutely right, and I have expressed the same feelings to my DH who doesn't think she would go so far. We've always tried to be civil and polite to her because when we aren't she takes of my out on SD. I might just have to have a talk with SD so she understands that I don't want BM to go off on her, but that I have to start standing my ground.
Imo DH needs to do all pu/do
Imo DH needs to do all pu/do in future. BM has no need to be dropping by regardless of whether its in relation to access. Your DH should NOT be blowing you off by dismissing your feelings and observations, its also perfectly okay to put your foot down. This can be made abundantly clear to sd in a sensitive manner and you can explain it to DH.
If he continues to not take this seriously, not only for your piece of mind, dds safety and sd's emotional wellbeing (as lets be honest bms fixation is plain " The Hand That Rocked The Cradle " crazy and she needs to concentrate on her relationship with sd, esp as she missed several years of her childhood and thats got to hurt sd) then you should inform him that as this is important to you, it should be equally important to him and as dd's mother you can the right to protect and shield her from threats.
I would be seeking legal counsel about whatsimple steps to warn bm off and increase protection at home can be taken along with beefing up home and land security.
I have a 17month old dd and I wouldnt care in the end if I HAD to be a b#tch to make myself understood to either dh or bm.
The woman is nuts and there's
The woman is nuts and there's no way in hell I'd let her around my baby. Not one peek, and certainly she would never touch her.
Another thing OP if this
Another thing OP if this helps you in any way.
YOU are NOT obligated anyway, shape, form, morally or legally to entertain the idea, provide, think, be persuaded by dh, sd, bm OR by action allow your husbands x to even SEE your baby from 10miles away let alone 1 inch close to bm.
This post makes me want to go
This post makes me want to go rewatch "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle". If you haven't seen it go watch it!
This is so far beyond bizarre
This is so far beyond bizarre that it is mind boggling. I would suggest getting an RO or PO to keep her at least a mile away from anything to do with your family but I think a pick up by the big burly men in the white scrubs who wrap her crazy ass in a straight jacket and toss her in a padded walled van for a trip for an extended vacation at Medicated Acres asylum would be a better choice.
This woman is nuckin futz bat shit crazy to an epic level.
IMHO of course.
Be vewy, vewy caweful wif dis one.
Take care of your baby and yourself. I would consider a concealed carry permit just in case with this whack job in the picture.
Thanks Rags for saying
Thanks Rags for saying exactly what I was thinking.
I wish I could get DH to see
I wish I could get DH to see things that way. While he doesn't think she should be holding DD or that she should ever at anytime have DD in her care...he also doesn't think she would ever do anything crazy. Even SD will tell you her BM has some screws loose.