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AH My Own Mother!

razz0696's picture

Submitted by razz0696 on Tue, 04/25/2017 - 1:51pm

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I know this might be a question on how does this pertain to step relationships, but I have to vent! My family and my husband’s family all live by each other. My husband and I are on decent terms for the time being, I rarely talk to him and he does his thing, disengaged from his kids, tend to my child. His mother has been evil to me since I met her, very mean, should have been my sign to run I know and my mother is well aware of this. His mom is in her 80s, my mom is in her 60s. His mom is not feeling well, I do cook supper at times and husband takes it to her, I try to be compassionate to a woman who was not so much to me, but on a very distant level. My mother always taught us to be kind, always be kind. I found out my mom is now taking her supper at night all the time, which in a round about way, makes me look like a bitch because my mom is so friendly and I do not talk to MIL anymore. My mother knows how much MIL has negatively treated me but I am shocked to find out, someone told me today my mother is taking her dinners. My mom is always the type of person who wants recognition for doing something others don’t want to do, dysfunctional family I lived in, maybe like most. But her constant need for recognition is killing me and hurting a relationship I already can’t seem to work through.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/25/2017 - 2:06pm

Sometimes our own parents butt in where they have no business being. I won the parent lottery but even I have had to have the occasional talk with my mom to step back and let me handle things.

If she fails to respect my request I have had to be more direct and instruct her to butt out... in as respectful a manner as I can while communicating effectively.\

Good luck.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 04/25/2017 - 2:47pm

Rags I hit the BIO Parent lotto too. (not inlaw lotto--that was inlaw hell)

Yours is an yucky situation. I suspect your mom knows how ugly your MIL has been to you, right?

If so, then your mom is missing the mark in a very big way. She should cook a meal for a shut in with the church or go around with Meals on Wheels since she needs to be recognized at this age in her life.

My mil was an awful awful women. I sure hope your dh has told her to knock it off. Mine sure did. Nothing he said or I said would stop her over 5, 6 years of trying.

So we cut ties. WE had to.

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Tue, 04/25/2017 - 4:10pm

OK, I have to ask. Why can't an adult woman take dinners to any elderly woman in need that she wants? Especially in a small town. People used to do things like this all the time. The village mentality vs. the me mentality.

Why is your mom taking dinners to an elderly woman, who happens to be your MIL, automatically considered a personal and intentional affront? Your situation may be that bad, but not knowing any background on this, it appears to me like mom is doing nothing blatantly wrong.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Wed, 04/26/2017 - 7:55am

razz - step back and calm down..... your mother is an adult, she can do what ever she wants and help whom ever she wants, it's got nothing to do with you Hon....

Simply stop telling your mum how you feel about MIL, and you do not have to pat your mum's shoulder because she's helping MIL,

Your mother seems like a very kind caring sort of woman, let her be..... maybe with her helping MIL, the old MIL will realize where you come from and apologize, you never know... just let it go, it's not worth a mind fight or thinking about.