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Financial support

SebringLad's picture

Submitted by SebringLad on Sat, 01/07/2017 - 6:10am

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Adult Stepchildren

Our son is in a stepfamily situation and we are helping him more and more each month it where it is impacting our life style !
He is our only child,thank God,so it could be worse i suppose but anyone else here doing the same??
This past month it was $1000,just after giving he(and our 2 grandsons $700 for Christmas)!!!!!

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Sat, 01/07/2017 - 10:39am

You need to ensure you are helping and not enabling. If there are regular requests for large amounts of money, especially if it is affecting you then I think it is only reasonable to sit down with him (and his partner?) and go through their budget with them to see what the issues are and help them to get to a sustaining place rather ham continuing their current life styles and relying on you for the long term. It may seem a bit intrusive but if they really want the money and you want to help out in the short term and can afford it then this at least gives you a full picture of what is going on and how your son is trying to improve the situation. Sure as an adult he should be doing this himself but if he is running to you for cash then I think that doing this is reasonable and ensures that you won't be taken for a ride.

sammigirl's picture

Submitted by sammigirl on Sat, 01/07/2017 - 3:58pm

If it is effecting your financial comfort; stop now. If you feel guilty stopping it ALL; then cut it back 1/2 next month and stop it completely the following month. If he is old enough to be a SF; he can figure it out.

No way do my Skids get financial help. We helped SD for one year, when she divorced and had a baby; then we told her she was on her own. We signed for OSS's first purchase of piece of land, which he paid off soon on his own.

My youngest SS was a thief and I personally cut him off of everything from us, even the use of our phone. YSS could not live with us unless he was employed, which he chose to move out, because he was too sorry to work. A year later he went to State prison for habitual visits to the County Courts and County Jails. YSS spent 15 years in State Prison and is now out. Just before he was released, I reminded DH "SS is 52 years old, absolutely no financial aid for him; he is supposed to get a job and stay out of trouble." DH never argued and we have stood our ground. He is working and living with BM, because he is not allowed to leave that County.

So you see, it is possible to say "NO" to these kids. There comes a time to take care of yourself and give them some tough love. It's not that I don't understand; it's that I DO understand.

Good Luck.