Help and thoughts please
Recently my boyfriend moved in to live with me and my 15 year old son. My boyfriend's previous living arrangement was he was renting a 4 br house, sharing it with his 33 year old son, the son's 22 year old girlfriend, the son's 3 year old daughter and 11 month old son. My boyfriend was happy to move out and leave the kids behind to grow up and learn how to take care of themselves. Just this past week I brought up the need for a house cleaner for us since we are both disabled and things are getting out of hand around the house. My boyfriend said he couldn't afford it due to his recent purchase of a rental property that is in need of a new sink and a new fence. About an hour later his son called to say the fridge was broken and he needed a new one. My boyfriend said he was going to help them with the purchase. I thought that meant offering $100 to help get something from craigslist, but the "kids" now have a brand new $700 fridge, all paid for by dad. It made me feel that my boyfriend's priorities are not with us and our life together.
Well you need to talk to your
Well you need to talk to your boyfriend about where you guys are headed? Did he move in with you to get away from all the other people he was living with or because he wants to 'take the next step' with you and become more committed. The two of you may have different perceptions on what living together means. To you it may mean being committed to you and your son. To him it may mean living how he was before but without the hassle. Have you discussed finances with your new living arrangement? If you are still keeping things separate then you really have no say in how he spends his money as long as he's helping you pay rent and bills.
We had those talks before he
We had those talks before he moved in. He had even asked me to help him manage his money better, and he is well aware of his issues regarding continuing to buy things for them to bail them out of the problems they have that were ultimately caused by (and continue to be caused by) bad choices made by his kids (both are convicted felons on parole with drug issues, but presently they have 5 five foot tall pot plants growing in the back yard). If perfectly healthy people have enough money to pay a doctor to give them a medical mj card, one would think they might have enough money to buy a used fridge, if they had to and didn't have someone they could sucker into buying it for them by saying "The babies need cold milk."
He desperately needs to learn
He desperately needs to learn tough love! Perhaps if he feels the need to help them out in the future it should be done as a loan ( with signed loan agreement) instead of a gift . hopefully that would teach them more responsbility.