thank you for the comment. I have called a hotline and they arent much help. I sound so crazy right now but i think this entire thing has gone too far bc he cant handle his own child. And now when i step in , i am a mean and horrible person. The weekend before this one, he was up screaming until 2 am and woke the baby several times. My spouse didnt say a word to him so i asked him politly to keep it down, that started an argument of " all i do is take care of a baby and work 15hrs a week" , why is the baby waking an issue? Yes , i need counseling, bc after 5 yrs of being belittled when his child is around, i am finally ready to wake up in a happy place, and its not here.

I didnt know that about the mortgage. But that makes me feel better . Thank you so much. Maybe i can stop crying today. On Christmas Eve of all days. But i have called a hotline. And they arent much help. I think this issue would be better fixed if i did have him leave and i wouldn't feel like im on eggshells everyday , waiting to figure out what im saying or doing wrong.

After reading this again, no he is not on the mortgage . It is my house I bought with 10yrs of my own savings. I put him on the deed thinking when our daughter was born, this is the right thing to do. I always have a "what if plan". In 2012 I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It could grow rapidly or not at all . I'm on what is called a "wait and watch list" . MRIs are done regularly. So I was thinking of the future. If I die, my house goes to him and my beneficiary is my oldest daughter after him. He also at 41 has a heart condition, he's been in heart failure twice. So that makes it hard to figure out what to do if something "happens". I'm also a substance abuse counselor , so it's hard to go to counseling and seek help knowing what the terms and psychology terms are. What if my credentials are questioned ? I've learned to listen and not speak. To not talk about myself and be transparent . Life is hard right now and this by far has been the worst Christmas . I've been alone all day with my kids, not one family member called to say merry Christmas, even thou I tried to call them. And text. I haven't had alone time to think about much. Except get in this site and try to find someone who is going through what I am. Who has a spouse that's flipped his lid over something so benign and immature. I thought this was my best friend but now I've had a chance to think about things and I've seen more bad than good. I would never do what he did to me . Not in a million years. I'm so sad and angry.

as i mentioned before . i did call a hotline, they are saying i am feeling post partum. I dont have any ill will for my children . I love them and love being with them. Its whats been done to me over and over by this BM and now my spouse that is taking a toll. At what point did me stepping in deserve to have the cops called on me ? I have never in my life been so angry and embarrassed. I help take care of him, buy him things, take him with my daughter to do things but now i cant even discipline him? I am seriously afraid of what will happen next time his child comes over which will be tomorrow night. I want to be home but i think i will stay far away , maybe get a hotel room and stay away. Maybe being away will give me personal time and time to get clarity of what has happened .

I have never disciplined him. I have never stepped into the place as being his parent. I have been dealing with the screaming and fits for a while. But seeing him kicking and punching my dog had me in tears. The FIRST time i said something to my spouse and he only told his son to stop. The SECOND time that night i caught him , i told him that his father needed to spank him and to stop hitting the dog. I yelled at him and that is all. I didnt discipline him (if that makes sense). My spouse flew off the handle. and called the cops . they didnt do anything except tell him to stay in his room and me to take care of my kid and thats all , but now DSS is called bc a child was involved. im so angry and upset.This undeniable feeling of wanting to die has obviously been lurking and now i cant control it. 5 yrs is too long to have so much done to me bc of this child. How awful do i sound blaming a child? And now blaming my spouse and now im blaming me.. and i shouldnt be. Does anyone else think my spouse is more "pissed off" at the fact his child has behavior issues, and that it triggers him to be hateful to me?

I feel like ive kept to myself and my mouth closed for so long that its built up. My spouse has made him sit at the dinner table and finish the food he wanted that i went out to buy, and then his son told his BM that i told him he couldn't leave the dinner table until he finished, Not true at all. She posted all these nasty things about me and called my spouse to say something about him being around me. I isolate myself when hes there bc im so fearful that this exact situation would happen.
I am lost . I dont know what to say or do right now.