Hello everyone. I am new here, please bear with me. My story is long and I am going to try to make it as brief as possible. I need advice desperately. I think I am going to lose my mind.

About me - been married for seven years this coming spring 2017. I met my husband in high school and we reconnected many years later. My husband has a 12 year old son, my SS. We have a five year old daughter together. Both of us have been married before. I did not have any children with my previous husband.

Background - my SS was diagnosed with Aspberger's Syndrome (now "on the spectrum") when he was around five years old. He also suffers from a severe untreated mood disorder (BM will not allow treatment), ADD, depression, and defiance disorder (can't think of proper name at moment). BM is bipolar and suffers with addictions and a long list of other emotional issues. It is a very sad situation for all. DH and BM were married several years and divorced when SS was an infant. I came into the picture when SS was around 4 years old.

When we were first married, I noticed SS was becoming increasingly rude, defiant, etc. at home. He was starting to have troubles at school with talking back to the teacher, being rude, fighting other kids, etc. In his very early elementary years, many of these behaviors were "swept under the rug" as his grandma was the secretary of the school. I understand why she tried to protect SS but it delayed him getting help. SS was always branded a "genius" and anytime he acted out, whether it be what he said or behavior towards others, it was always blamed upon his "gifts." I was told to back off correcting SS by my husband and I did. To save sanity I did have, I disengaged. BM was rarely involved except to complain periodically when she had BM for her time. We had SS full time with BM getting him around 1-2 days a MONTH. She was supposed to have him every weekend but rarely took him consistently. Sometimes she would stand him up. It is very sad.

In third grade, SS started having even more troubles at school...more of the same - defiance, aggression, fighting. Much of this still blamed on his genius status, that he was bored, etc. SS's grandma had retired at this point so there was no one there to "fix" issues. A new principal was in place as well who wasn't willing to back down (God bless him). We moved after third grade to another part of town and SS started 4th grade at a new school. SS had SEVERE issues at this school (an excellent school). DH had daily calls from the principal, had to deal with multiple suspensions, etc. After school was a nightmare as SS would have problems with his mood disorder and become violent at times. Many nights I spent locked in our bedroom with our daughter as DH would deal with the rampage. My life didn't exist back then. I dreaded going home. I dreaded the weekends. My husband was on edge 24/7. SS even said to my face I was the problem and that he would win, meaning he would break up our marriage. I am afraid we are close to this.

Last February, my SS came home in a violent mood. He was throwing chairs and punching walls in our home. SS had some issues at school that day and had his electronics taken from him (electronics are his obsession as part of being on the spectrum). SS also has issues with being a pathological liar - this is no exaggeration. He accused the principal of throwing him on the floor and beating him up. This of course was not true as there were multiple witnesses there that day of the event. Long story short, SS told his mom that night that DH shoved him down the stairs and he was hurt. She believed him and called the police. This was a complete LIE. I came home to the scariest night of my life with police cars and an ambulance in front of my home. I was not allowed to go in while police questioned my husband and checked on SS. My husband was within seconds of being arrested. SS finally backed down and said he "fell" down the stairs - which did not happen either. EMS inspected SS for any bruises or injuries and found nothing. Believe me, I would not be married to a man who would harm his kids or me. I would have been gone a long time ago.

After all this happened last year, SS started living with his mom in another city approximately 45 minutes away. He started a new school in a new school system. He and his mom lived a "happy" life for a while, blaming issues on everyone else. Everything was in a honeymoon period for a while. BM parenting style is basically to let SS do what he wants, stay up late, etc. However, I knew this would be temporary and told my DH so. He never believes me of course. SS and BM are now having the same issues. SS even called the police on BM last night - isn't that familiar? DH believes him of course.

Bottom line: I am scared of my stepson. I am scared of him being around our five year old daughter. I am afraid of being alone with SS. I am afraid of my husband going to jail for something he did not do. I am afraid of being accused of something I did not do. SS is coming back to live with us full time with no visits with his mom for a long time. My life ahead with this child in our home is bleak.

Please understand, I feel for this child. He is in desperate need of help. I believe he needs overnight help somewhere and a different regimen of medications. My husband doesn't seem to get it that the problems are so severe. SS has been in care of multiple therapists and is on medication for depression. However, BM has never agreed to more. Over the course of last year, she switched therapists multiple times. I want SS to get help. I want him to be a productive and happy child. I have tried to state my opinion many many times and am always ignored. It is clear that SS is constantly rewarded for his behavior. I realize my DH is in a terrible situation. However, I am at the end of my rope. I cannot go back to the life we had. And, it will be worse...the way DH handles things when SS visits now is to basically let him do whatever he wants. I am close to leaving even though I do love my husband. I just cannot live this life anymore.

There is so much more to this story...I'm trying to keep it brief. Advice? Thank you!