Hi, I'm new here. Just have lots of questions in my head and looking for some advice or just support from those that have travelled this path.

Here's my quick back story: Was married for 12 years and had one child together. This marriage was happy on/off. There had lots of subtle and not-so-subtle emotional/verbal abuse over the years and I finally had enough and asked for divorce when our son was 2. There's been some really rough times, but then there are okay times and we "get along" for the most part (typical abuser tho, can be super sweet and charming to try to win me back). But as of now, we are co-parenting and "getting along" well.

Enter new relationship. A few months after I broke up w/husband, I randomly met a guy online (wasn't a dating site, and wasn't wanting to date, just a random chat site) and we started talking for a while. As you can guess, this progressed into a relationship. He is a real sweetheart and has loved me in ways I didn't even know was possible after going through a lot of bad experiences with ex. So I've been pretty head-over-heels in love with this man now for about 1.5 years. (Sad part he lives in UK and I in US - so long distance sucks!) But we Skype daily and have had a few visits together.

Now back to present. My son is now almost 4. He is still adjusting somewhat to weekly dad/mom schedules, tho it's pretty much all he remembers at this point. He has good relationship with both me and his dad. And then even when my new guy came to visit, he took to him almost instantly. And still talks about him constantly after he left for home. He skypes with him as well and he even says he loves him as well. Which is great! I hope

So here's where the real questions start. Obviously we have some hurdles that not everyone has to overcome first (i.e. trying to live in the same continent at some point), but ultimately marriage and new life goals have been discussed. And on one hand, I get so excited for a new life with him and "our little family" but then also get so anxious and nervous as to what this will look like with still sharing my son with his dad. I don't really have many friends who have blended families. I grew up in pretty conservative circles and one of the reasons it took so long to leave my marriage was the pressure to stay "at all costs". So I don't have a lot of people to pick brains and what not.

So... how is it? Obviously everyone's situations are different... but is it really hard to maintain a new family while sharing son with ex?

And one of my big questions is: what if we wanted to have a new baby? I'd love for my son to have a sibling! However, I also have a lot of anxiety about how this will go when he has a different dad. If there's just two of kids, is it awkward? Like is it weird when "older brother" goes away every other weekend and some week nights and "little brother" stays home? And will "big brother" feel left out if everyone else has new step-dad's last name and he doesn't, cuz he has ex's?

And while me and ex "get along" I think once new guy is "permanent" things will obviously change and ex is very jealous person and will probably be a jerk sometimes just for the heck of it. So basically meaning, in an "ideal world" it would be nice if everyone just cooperated and got along, but I know that's not realistic.

Does anyone have experience to share? How does this look like or go for you?

Some days I just get discouraged and feel it's so hard, I just wonder if it's all worth it. Or if it would just be easier to stay single. Even tho it may not be what I want. I just get scared of messing things up for my son. Ugh, divorce sucks.

Whew, I know that was long... But if you made it this far, thanks for reading!