My daughter says to do it
So my husband and I have slid back to this weird dating relationship of seeing each other 4 nights out of the week. On my good days I try to talk myself into how I get my freedom too. However, I do not want to share a home with HIM. I recognize his pitfalls.....of course I have mine.
However, we were at dinner. Nice conversation, talking about a funny issue involving political signs that my neighbor has all over his lawn.......not my favorite candidate. I have been jokingly telling husband I should get a bumper sticker of the candidate I DO like and stick it on my mailbox. So he says to me excitedly, "Susie says you should do it"and I am shocked. Susie being his enmeshed daughter that I have not seen in SIX YEARS! I stopped him in mid sentence saying I hit the delete button on her years ago and how dare he discuss me with her. The evening actually continued on just fine.
But what the hell is that about? I realize that this daughter truly is like a wife. creepy
Nope - he's trying to change
Nope - he's trying to change your mind to engage with Susie again lol...
I have the same motto - if we are on a date we will not talk about the children.... as soon as SO starts with Aergia... I simply get up and walk out...
I have not seen in SIX YEARS!
I have not seen in SIX YEARS! I stopped him in mid sentence saying I hit the delete button on her years ago and how dare he discuss me with her
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Wow. What on earth did she do to you? How old is she?
THIS is the only problem we
THIS is the only problem we have ever had in our 37 year marriage; DH taking all of our personal life to his DD the past 15 years. This was when SD moved into the same town.
It took me years to realize why I was being treated like I was poison. It was all the gossip between DH and SD. Not to get into all the things carried back and forth, behind my back, for years; it did damage that was astronomical. I have never betrayed DH and never will; it is the last thing I would ever dream of doing. I don't gossip, it is my biggest pet peeve, no matter who or what it is about. I was hurt beyond description.
When my situation blew up and I realized what had been said behind my back, I was devastated to find out the extent of the disloyalty. My DH says "I don't see it that way. I didn't betray you, I was just visiting with my DD". My reply: "You don't see it as betrayal, because you weren't the one being betrayed". Neither my SD nor DH have ever apologized, nor will they ever; because they were not the ones hurt with the nasty gossip.
Our lives are getting back together, after a night mare the past two years. But our marriage is never going to be the loving, trusting relationship, that I assumed it was. I do not trust DH where SD is concerned. I have totally disengaged from SD and mentally disengaged from DH, concerning SD. We do not discuss SD and she is not allowed to come around me.
Now my DH thinks he is the victim. I tell him he is allowed to live in his comfortable home, but it will be under my boundaries, set for me, not them. Now he isn't a happy person, for two reasons. #1 I don't care any more and have too much invested to budge. #2 We no longer have a "Brady Bunch Family" and never will again.
I tell DH "Look in the mirror, if you want to know who is to blame". I have peace and I am moving forward as if I am alone. There is a brighter future for me and I could care less if SD breathes or DH whines.
So when you ask "what the hell is that about?"; sounds like your DH is like mine, no spine and he has two wives.
Just take care of yourself and protect yourself at any cost. This is what I do. Our life has peace, but with little love and respect; with that said, I'm doing better than my DH.
Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned!
^^^THIS!^^^ "Look in the
^^^THIS!^^^ "Look in the mirror, if you want to know who is to blame" but I also wonder why you would even be seeing him after what he did to you a short time ago.
I have 37 years invested in
I have 37 years invested in my marriage and I love my DH. If he is not happy here, he can leave. I will not leave my home and all I have worked so hard for over the years. My peace during my retirement years are way more valuable than letting my dreadful SD run me off.
DH is aware he is free to go any time or live with the boundaries I have set for myself (not him). I want nothing to do with SD and if I EVER hear another word between the two of them, it is hell to pay for both of them. The paperwork is in motion and will stay in motion.
I've taken control of my life and I will never back off now.
I can look at myself in the mirror and know I've not betrayed my DH. So therefore, I am going to enjoy my life with or without him; his choice.
Thanks you sandye21 for your support and understanding.
Sorry, I don't understand why
Sorry, I don't understand why you're dating him again?
You KNOW he's going to tell his daughter everything that the two of you do and say. He's going to discuss with her all the ideas you have and make sure it's ok with her if he agrees with them.
By telling him you've deleted her all you've done is let him know he's not to bring up her name with you. Their relationship will continue and you will be a topic of conversation.
So I guess if you want to put on blinders and think just because he no longer brings up her name that he's faithful to you, go ahead.
ABSOLUTELY good job!
ABSOLUTELY good job!
This is the key. I don't
This is the key. I don't care if DH and SD chat about me, as long as I don't hear their BS.
I told my DH "if I am the only thing you two have to discuss, it's sad your life is so boring. Go ahead and have fun, just never let me find out or you both will answer for it."
Haven't heard a word in two years!
Agree totally. This is what
Agree totally. This is what I told DH too - a lot less stress. I really don't know if he is throwing me under the bus to SD or not. By me not being interested in their conversations with each other takes all of the thrill out of it for them.
Yes! It makes it more fun
Yes! It makes it more fun for us SM's to let them wonder, by staying silent and ignoring.
The silence, and me not feeding DH with information, is driving my SD56 crazy, the past two years.
I'm sure I'm thrown under the bus when they have a visit, but I do know it's less and less; because DH hardly sees SD now, unless I'm away. So if I don't know, I don't care.