What a lovefest!
Just an update. To rehash. Dh was enmeshed with daughter, she split and her and her partners in crime....i.e. Mother and sister...went on the attack and lobbed several nuclear bombs our way. Big one delivered right on our wedding day. Mercifully she and sister live thousands of miles away. At my urging, dh " reunited " with enmeshed daughter A last year, but it is long distance.
Just saw the birthday card on his desk from her, which gushed like a girlfriend to a lover. No joke. Basically listing a page of memories, how their phone conversations are the most important thing in her life, how she intends on making many more memories with him, such as going to the beach and skiing. including taking a trip to the Uk together, as they both have been there separately. Me with dh, and she alone a few months ago. Now I should add that my grandparents immigrated from the UK and I had been discussing a heritage trip there again in the next few years?!! No wonder dh didn't seem enthused about my plans to return.
Oh and she got a dog. She never ever had dogs, nor did dh until he fell in love with mine. So I imagine the dog was because her father loves them now.
What really caught my eye was her saying how happy it makes her that dh keeps reaching out to her older sister. A bitch who is now stiffing him on a cosigned college loan. Wow. So the pursuit will continue.
Just a FYI to those who have followed my pathetic saga.
No surprise right?
I have not followed your
I have not followed your saga, but I do have experience with the card thing and it's with highly manipulative adult skids. They fill the mailbox with cards that melt in your hands, even before opening. Most of the messages have really been about how much they never see him, how he needs and they wish him peace in his life,(like he lives in a war zone with me), how he held their hands as a baby, and it goes on, at nauseam. I have even read messages about what they desire to do with him in the future (like private plans-implying he has made plans with them for secreted gatherings), that has nothing to do with the card occasion. I expect they were hoping I would read the card and feel left out, once again. Their goal is to make certain both my daughter and I feel excluded, and of course they are number !.
Given I could read their motives, even with what one might expect to be only an innocent card, I told him I would not touch anything sent to this house in the mailbox from any of them (my address too). I tell him to get cards/communications out of the box whenever I see one (or a ton) himself, and, he does. In fact, he must know what is going on too--because he never brings them in the house. I would be prone to read, otherwise....
The more they realize the are not getting to you--the less this will happen. I am certain my HB has told them, "She doesn't even touch the cards and I do not bring them in the house." Never read his cards, you will quickly realize the hidden meanings (subtle messages to put you back in your negative/invisible place).
This is working perfectly for me now. I highly recommend it.
Your DH sounds like he is
Your DH sounds like he is sensitive to you. Mine is not. It sounds like the enmeshed craziness of six years ago is now back. She is 25 years old and obviously doesn't have much of a life. I don't think the sentiment expressed had anything to do with me. I do not exist to her and her sister and dh has never ever said boo to them regarding their foul behaviors over many years. If I actually cared, I might say that these girls have been thoroughly screwed up by both of their parents.
I would like to think he is
I would like to think he is sensitive to me, but he is not. He is very much sensitive to himself--when it comes to these women. We have no other issues and get along beautifully otherwise. As much as I love him, I realize he is a coward and allows them to treat us both badly. I have watched him sit there allowing us both to take verbal insults and say not a word. It is sad what daddy paranoia he lives with. And, what these women have turned out to be is aligned to his level of correction I have observed. They correct and insult him, and he also sits there. It is sickening to watch, So, I have removed myself from the crazy dysfunction.
This site helped me move in that direction, given the tried and true advise, and so much affirmation.
CANYOUHELP: I relate to
CANYOUHELP: I relate to every word you have posted here. I am glad to read your progress, because I am coming along well also, as we speak.
I do not look at DH's phone, texts are beeping at dinner, during a football game (SD knows I am watching with DH), and etc. I do not read his cards, etc.
You are correct; this is only to keep the drama going. I also have informed DH "I do not want to hear it, know it, or see it". My DH tries very hard to keep it all away from me (only to keep me from being a bitch); he's NOT sensitive to why I've requested these boundaries; whatever works for us. Of course SD56 and SGD31 (mother/daughter) are NOT allowed to come to our home, while I'm here; therefore, it all is going much smoother the past year with these boundaries in place. DH is allowed to go anywhere, anytime, any place he wishes with them, as long as he doesn't expect me to follow along; they are allowed to come visit him, when I'm away.
If they push me any further, they will be band from our home entirely, with a Restraining Order in place. I have informed DH of this and he has told them, because I never see or hear from them. Mission accomplished! Although the calls and cards still keep coming and I do not react.
Thanks Sammi, I do feel I
Thanks Sammi,
I do feel I have moved emotionally and rationally down the right path for me.. Glad to hear of your progress as well; this is one crazy journey So happy to know I have you to lean on, as your advise has been so valuable to me. I love your advise to the others equally.
Keep inspiring people like me to improve. It is wonderful to know you and that you are on this site!
I cannot go thru the journey
I cannot go thru the journey without all of you here. This is my support system for sure.
I get so much from reading all the posts here and understanding what we are all going through.
Thank you
Twisted. Every single one of
Twisted. Every single one of them is sick. And it won't change, except perhaps to get worse when his daughters have children of their own.
I am dealing with 4
I am dealing with 4 generations, BM, SD56, SGD31, and SGGD7. They are out of the same mold, even the 7 year old sweetie she-devil (she repeats what she hears and is getting good at the game). }:)
My daughters have never sent
My daughters have never sent a card like that to their father. And I know DH is lucky if his sons sign their names to card (on-going joke really)
It is really odd behaviour. I would tell my DH (in your shoes) that it is odd they need to remind you all those details like he can't remember. Like why go into details when it is easy just to arrange to meet up and talk like normal people. Even if she lives far away there is Skype. Then he would see her up close.
The advantage for Skype is the odd-child has to communicate there and then and not have time to construct whiny goop. She has to speak off the cuff.
As for the trip to the UK I would tell DH that you are still planning your own trip and maybe you can find out if there are places you can research for his own family so it isn't all about you. If he suggests his daughter joins you just smile and say "Well I want this trip to be all about you and me. When you get back you can plan a trip with her."
If he says he wants to ask her along as well just put your foot down. This is your trip, not hers. And if she wants to still go on holidays with her father like a 9 yr old she may have some developmental problems that are only now coming to light. Most girls SDs age would rather be seen DEAD than tagging along with their father and mother let alone father and stepmother.
Oneoffour.......I am sure she
Oneoffour.......I am sure she was not thinking for a second that I would join her and her love (oh father) on the trip to the uk or any of the activities. Honestly, the card read like someone totally besotted and love sick. Yucky.
YSD has given DH cards like
YSD has given DH cards like this. They read like they were written for her boyfriend. This happened when she was like 13 and again last year. I think the last time DH was embarrassed. He just tossed it in the closet and it got buried under some clothes.
Do not look at anything
Do not look at anything regarding sks, not the cards, or listen to phone calls. If you do, is gives them the power to impact you even though they are not there. They will continue to try to have their df pay attention to them and they will use what ever tactic they can to manipulate df. The key is to not let your dh talk to you about them. My ex would vent at me about his ds. Now that he has no one to vent to, ss actions are having more of an impact on ex. That is where you need to be, where your dh does not have anyone to cushion sds unhealthy communications. He needs to feel the brunt of his relationship with them. Walk away if he tries to talk to you about them. The biggest insult you can hurl on this sd is to make them invisible.
My 33 year old stepdaughter,
My 33 year old stepdaughter, who's married and has a child, sends her father the gushy cards too. She draws hearts on the envelope and inside the card, which is signed just from her. She never includes her husband or daughter on the card. She also sends him Valentine Cards. I think it's weird.
sd did this in a fathers day
sd did this in a fathers day card. it gushed and gushed about love and appreciation. like a love letter, this sd calls her father her bff and calls him every day to just talk. its like a wife 2000 miles away. i find it nauseating with the hearts and xoxo marks.
SugarSpice, I think they are
SugarSpice, I think they are still trying to be "Daddy's little girl".