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blaurel's picture

I was recently married last week. On Saturday some friends hosted a reception for us. My stepson was there with his mom (he is 11). I didn't get to spend much time with my new husband because my stepson kept interrupting any time with his dad every 5 minutes. Every time his dad tried to interact with anyone, his son wanted and got his attention. At 10:30pm I suggested that his mom should take him home as the party was becoming more "adult" and so that I could spend some adult time with my husband.

My husband got really angry with me and said that he would not ask to have his son leave and that I was making them feel unwelcome, and that if it came to his son or me, I lose. I didn't think I was out of line in asking this, since he had been there for 6 hours enjoying himself and having his dad's attention.

Now we are on our honeymoon and I'm getting the cold shoulder. Was I out of line?

CANYOUHELP's picture

OMG....at your wedding...serious red flag. It was YOUR wedding too, the one day your wishes should be obliged....How horrible of this disgusting man you married. The son and bm there--yes, the kid can go home at a reasonable hour--BM did not need to be there at all....that was a little out there.

"Seriously on your wedding day husband stated, you lose?"....

Just get out now kind lady, you have no say so in this marriage, he made that clear-- from day one. And, because this child is young, you will be forced to be dogged in many, many more horrible situations if you stay. You will regret staying with this selfish man who lacks all empathy for you and if you think it is bad now--you have no idea what is to come....

Oh, I know you are sick. I would not speak to the man again-- until I filed for a divorce. Thank him for the cold shoulder and offensive remarks as you walk out the door.

Tell husband since this is a competition, he thinks, that you wish to lose now...the son wins, so I am in the process of filing for a divorce immediately.

What an ass! I am sorry, you did not deserve any of this on your wedding day.

Is_What_It_Is's picture

I don't necessarily think you were wrong - but definitely some messed up stuff going on at that reception!. BM there(?!) - was that your idea or his? Not good to get so chummy with BM. And Dh already telling you that he would choose SS over you - ouch! And now he's being cool on your honeymoon? Red flags are popping up everywhere.

Aeron's picture

Well really.... If the Suggestion that an 11 year old might need to go home and go to bed at 10:30 is enough to get a guy to tell his brand new bride Don't make me choose, you won't win! At their Wedding reception?!? Then withholds affection and attention on their honeymoon? How much clearer can this guy be that his wife is not now and never will be his priority and that she needs to batten down her mouth, opinions and needs because he doesn't give a flip about any of them.

hereiam's picture

Welcome to the backseat of your own marriage.

Even if your husband didn't agree with you about his son leaving, he should have been adult enough to see, as a parent and a newlywed, that it really was time for his son to go.

And now he's being an immature jerk on your honeymoon.

Fraud is a valid reason for annulment, you thought you were marrying an adult.

Aeron's picture

Yep, a wedding is a very special occasion. For the bride and groom.

If one of the honored is ignoring all the guests in favor of one person, it's not out of line to say something about that.

It is Not okay to tell your brand new spouse "my kid is more important to me than you". It is not okay to give your spouse the cold shoulder on your honeymoon because you suggest your kid might need to go to bed and you should maybe spend some time with the other guests.

And what the Heck does This have to do with a thread where half-siblings weren't invited to a wedding? OP didn't have a problem with the kid being there. She had an issue with being totally ignored on Her Wedding Day by her new Husband. If you think those two some how relate, you are more cracked than I thought.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely right!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

anotherstep2, that freaking song was bouncing around in my head and I started humming it! The guy next to me stood up and starting singing and laughed. I wanted to fall through the floor. It's only fair that others should suffer. Bwahahahahaaaaa!!! }:)

BethAnne's picture

With every relationship there is a period of adjustment where each partner needs to find thier place and work out compromises that make everyone feel welcome. Personally I think it is crazy that your ss's mother was there in the first place and I think that if you were having a party that would be just for adults after a certain time that needed discussing with all parents of children before the party, Given the scenario you described you should have spoken to your husband first and discussed SS staying late before making a decision about what is and is not appropriate for a child that is not yours.

Yes your husband was out of line saying that his son comes first but that is a line all parents are fed and most believe but hopefully as time goes on in your marriage your husband can come to realize that he can put you both first in your respective roles as wife and son. Kids come first in terms of needs and spouses come first in terms of wants.

If I were you on honeymoon right now I would have a conversation with my husband, apologize for talking to BM and SS first without discussing it with my husband first and try to clear the air so that we could get on and enjoy the honeymoon.

Personally my first year of being married was hellish because of my husband already being a father. It took us both time to adjust and to work out how to make things work for both of us. Our honeymoon away from step-life was one of the things that we could relish as having been amazing. Try to get past this current bump and enjoy your honeymoon. There is worse to come yet in your steps experience probably but now is not the time to worry about that. Sometimes to maintain a relationship we have to swallow our pride and admit where we went wrong (whether or not we truly believe it) in order to move past the current blip.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Any bride on honeymoon deserves better than this. Pack your belongings and go home. You've made a big mistake, but its not too late to get your life and self respect back.

BethAnne's picture

You both need to learn how to communicate better and how you are going to work with you being a new wife when he has a kid. Those things are not easy and require effort from both of you and compromise from both of you and perhaps some professional help if you two cannot manage it on your own. Personally I would not let one little misstep end my marriage, I would work at it. But I do know that my husband is as equally committed to making it work and finding solutions and compromises that work for both of us. If it sounds like too much effort or you know your husband is not going to work with you then ending the marriage is an option. If however you want to make it work then treat this as the first of many more tests in your marriage to come as all couples have arguments or miscommunications at times and the successful ones do not let them derail their marriage but learn from them.

onelife's picture

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE listen to the advice you are getting here!

Annulment IMMEDIATELY!

I know it's hard but trust me...trust all of us! It gets so much worse and if your husband treats you LIKE THIS!!! on your HONEYMOON!!! Do not listen to him when he promises that it won't be like that.
There is no discussion to be had here! You need to go to the court and annul this today! Do yourself a favor. You will be stuck with this skid and this jerk treating you like a maid for many miserable years until you finally divorce him.

Find a man without kids! But at minimum, annul this right now!

onelife's picture

I wasn't even being treated as badly as you have been treated. But my DH and I fight every month about his skids. It's a miserable existence and trust me it gets almost impossible to leave the longer it goes on. Skip the hassle. Skip the couples counseling. There are very poor boundaries here and your husband's true colors are showing. It will get worse. He will resent you so much and treat you like a servant to his skid.

My DH screamed at me this week. "My kids will always win over you!" Less than a year into my marriage and it's like that. Hey and we started out really lovey dovey on our honeymoon.

GET OUT!

CANYOUHELP's picture

Yes, my heart goes out to you too...YOU do not deserve to be treated or talked to like you do not matter- as his wife.

I'd let the kids win, but not at my house or around me...put the squeeze on daddy dearest. If he leaves, you are the clear winner...
Let him sleep with the kids!

ajp1999's picture

Oh no that is awful of your new hubby to say on your wedding day. Ugh. I think u were correct in sending the child home at that hour. Not sure why you would have invited the birth mother. Was that your husbands idea??? I am a firm believer in placing spouse or partner before all others. Even the kids, after their basic needs are met of course. If a married couple does not place each other at the center of their lives the kids will suffer when the relationship ends. I honestly don't know if I would be able to stay married to someone who treated me the way u were treated. It is not to much to ask to enjoy your new husband at your wedding. Ouch. I feel bad for u.

U will play second fiddle to the ex and kids is what this sounds like. U r in for a long ride. Best of luck. I think u were in line and your husband needs a reality check.

Rags's picture

You should have thanked the hosts. Headed home, rekeyed the locks, and left a note on the door for your STBXH to move back in with his baby mama since he is not man enough to be worthy of you as his wife. Who tolerates their XW at their wedding?

Write this useless waste of abject parental failure of a prick off and find a partner worthy of you.

There is only one top priority in a marriage and that is the marriage and the spouse combined. Kids are the top marrital responsibility but never do they trump the spouse or marriage as a priority.

Good riddance to that waste of skin.

My condolences on the demise of your young marriage and on your poor choice for an equity life partner.