Feel Like I am a Thrid Wheel to SD 21 and Wife
I feel like I am a third wheel to SD21 and wife. There lives are totally enmeshed, and jointly they are working together to totally control me. SD 21 has convinced my wife that anything I say is critical of her and makes her feel like a failure. Example, last night at 10:30pm as I was waiting in line for the bathroom for 20 minutes doing a dance outside and said what are you doing in there. I was than yelled at by my wife for being an *ss**ole, because I said it in the wrong tone of voice.
While, I do not per se thing that she is a failure, there is a huge issue. Since SD21 only works 10 hrs a week and only takes 1 course a semester she is always around the house. I have to therefore ask her permission to speak to my wife privately. Every time I have asked my wife that we need to create some space for our relationship, I have actually gotten less and less time with her, because somehow asking for space to have a relationship with my wife makes the skid feel excluded and unwelcome in the house.
Also if my wife asks me to do something unrelated to the skid and I do not do it, skid through a royal temperature because she is afraid that me not being compliant to my wife means that we are going to get a divorce.
BTW, I have no bio kids.
Yes, Only one bathroom in the
Yes, Only one bathroom in the house. SD was in the bathroom using the sink with the door open.
Sounds like a lot of
Sounds like a lot of "sensitivity" from all parties involved. First of all no matter what tone you used, your DW should not have been so disrespectful to yell at you and call you any type of name. She is inadvertently enforcing with your SD that is acceptable behavior towards you and potentially an "us" versus "you" mentality. And SD is afraid you will divorce if you dont do what her mom tells you to do? Does her mom have a history of submissive men and then get rid of them for not complying?
And at 21 years old, what is SD's exit plan to get out of your house and start living on her own and becoming an adult? She sounds enabled AND entitled - does she have a job to occupy her time? Adult skids/kids need to get out of mommy and daddys house for their own emotional maturity - otherwise they have the misconception that they are more important to your home than they really are.
You need to talk to your wife about your relationship, which must come first if you want to stay married - not to mention the lack of respect with the name calling! And discuss SD and how to help her launch into adulthood.
SD has only worked for about
SD has only worked for about 6 weeks out of her life. She quit the job at local fast food joint because it was too demanding, too many hours (24-30/week) and the shifts where too long (6 hrs).
All I can say is that if you
All I can say is that if you don't have bio kids of your own then you would have NO PROBLEM finding someone else to share your life with. In fact, there are many people who consider childless partners a drug on the market. I don't have bios, and many times my SO will say how lucky he is that he doesn't have to deal with any kid problems on my side - his own kids have brought us enough drama and heartache.
There are also PLENTY of people out there who have kids who are happy, healthy and LAUNCHED who would probably love to meet you.
Life is too short to waste it. I agree that you are being used in some fashion - either financially and/or emotionally ... because you are letting your DW and SD boss you around and treat you like a second-class citizen in your own home.
I have tried to have
I have tried to have conversations about setting boundaries with my DW. She agrees with me than 2 weeks later tells me that SD should not have boundaries placed on her because she is an adult and did nothing wrong and the issue is that I need to start treating SD with more respect. Then the boundaries move to a point where I feel more trampled on than before I asked for a boundary to be set up.
Wow, this SD is extremely
Wow, this SD is extremely entitled and spoiled. I worked more hours than that in HS and moved out from my mom and step dad's home the day I graduated. I agree with some of the other's this is her mom's problem for letting her get away with thinking this is appropriate behavior. You are married to the mother not the ADULT SD! The ADULT SD needs boundaries or needs to move out and your wife needs to realize that and respect you more!
Your SD and your wife sound
Your SD and your wife sound emotionally stunted and extremely immature. Why would you even want that in your life? They are using you from the sounds of it
Yep!! Listen to what others
Yep!! Listen to what others have written. Your dw has prioritized your sd feelings over yours and because of that your sd has very little respect for you. It is your dw's fault for not making sure that her dd sees you as being important in your dw's life. There is a power struggle going on and buddy your dw has won and your dd knows this. Time to make some adjustments in your life! Someone else has noted that you are golden as you do not have bio kids. Use it to your advantage! You have really no responsibilities other than yourself, what a great place to be!
I am one of those women on
I am one of those women on this forum where I did not learn to disengage and my dh divorced me to teach me a lesson regarding his ds. What is funny now that I am divorced guess what, I could care less about ss. Why could I have not done that sooner? I suffered mightily for not doing so. My health and emotional state were severely compromised and it sounds that you are there or very close to it. Think about it, if you divorce you will not ever think twice about your skids and they will not impact you that way they are doing now. Disengage now! Let your DH deal with them. If your dh does not want to understand you. Start making excuses for not being around when they are around. If necessary just tell them you have a headache and lock yourself in the bedroom, have a court date, a manicure date, whatever and leave while they are there. Leave the room if he is talking to them. If necessary tell him you have to go to the bathroom. These options are under your control. Separate yourself from them because as I said, if you divorce it is going to happen anyway. Just do it now!
Sorry wrong post.
Sorry wrong post.