Honestly...she's a kid. She didn't just come right out and say "Geee, you sure are fat", she said some other things that meant that size-wise she'd like to be smaller than you. I know I have said some things I wish I could take back because people took them in a way other than the one I meant them. I'd give the kid a break. Sounds like she feels bad for making you feel bad about your size and she doesn't want her dad to get mad at her about it. We all say stupid stuff at times. Maybe you or dad have a talk to her about being careful not to hurt other people's feelings, but sounds like she already knows that stuff and just had a moment of bad judgment.

Why did you have a conversation with her like that? From the get-go, if someone, anyone, a kid or another adult, ever says something that sounds like being mean or making fun or you because they think you're overweight, you just tell them, "I'm happy with who I am and my body. This great body of mine has taken me on all kinds of adventures and I am so grateful to be happy and healthy. And of course you've got (are going to have) a different body, bigger, smaller, shorter, taller, who cares as long as you like yourself, right?"

Because you don't need to defend yourself (and definitely not to children), and you might as well pass along a healthy and happy attitude when you get the chance.

Both of you were out of line.

Your comment about one sister being very slim and the other taking after dad (fat)was just as bad as what she said to you. Not only was your comment rude and hurtful, but it has the potential to cause resentment between the sisters.

Personally, I always think there's another chance. You know this kid is going to make another comment in the future, so just be prepared for it and see how it goes. I'd be interested to see how the kid reacts once you respond differently - I bet she'll be gobsmacked!

If you feel strongly enough about it, I'd wait until the next time you see her (rather than right now) and sit her down to talk about it. You can tell her, "Look, the last time you were here, I got the feeling you were trying to make me feel bad because you think I'm overweight and that there's something wrong with people who weigh more. It really bothered me at the time, and I don't think I told you very clearly what I think about that. So I'm going to now.

"First of all, I think that when you try to make someone else feel bad, it's because you're already feeling bad yourself. It's much nicer when we can talk about how you feel right away, instead of having you be unkind first. Next time you feel bad, just say you're feeling unhappy or angry or whatever it is, and we'll try to talk about and try to understand. Maybe nothing will change, but I (we?) will like trying to help."

"Second, no two people are exactly alike. It doesn't matter what people look like or what they do, it just matters if they're a good person. And knowing that means you see their character. Things like, do they tell lies, do they gossip, do they say kind things or not. Those are the things that tell you whether you should try to be close to that person or not.

"And third, you hurt my feelings. I was sad and angry because you made that comment because you wanted to hurt me, and I expect better from you. I want you to apologize for being mean, and then we'll have a hug and start fresh. OK?"

Of course, depending on your relationship and the age of skid, that might be way OTT! lol.

My SD12 pulls this nonsense with me all the time. I don't put up with any of it.

If she mentions anything about anyone's size or weight, I tell her that making personal comments is the mark of someone who needs to think more and speak less. I'm not sure she has worked it out yet, but the end result is silence....until the next irritation she provides.
She is being more careful now.

WTF are you people talking about how horribly immature OP was? I went back and read this 3 times. No where did I see where she said anything like "shut up you little fat f*cktard".

So she didn't sit SD and have an "Oprah" moment about how all bodies are great. It's not even her kid.

WTF are you people talking about how horribly immature OP was? I went back and read this 3 times. No where did I see where she said anything like "shut up you little fat f*cktard".

So she didn't sit SD down and have an "Oprah" moment about how all bodies are great. It's not even her kid. Sure in retrospect lots of situations could spur a nice little educational speech. But that doesn't make the OP an immature brat.

She may be the only mother figure that the kid has but she still is NOT the mother. Most parents love their child unconditionally no matter how sh*tty they act. It's not reasonable to expect a non parent to give and give to a child and still love them unconditionally when they turn around and acts like aholes to them.

Give the OP credit - she said really doesn't want to disengage.

Just laugh it off. Why is being called fat such a big deal? If a kid called me an actual insult like stupid or something I would smack them across the face.

But fat? No biggie. That I just laugh off.

I'm so sorry you had to hear that! It's so hard to be a woman and having a 9 yo tell you those things is hurtful, especially when you are such a big part of her life. I have not personally had to deal with this but I did have SKs that talked like that about people that were larger than they found acceptable. BM is 4'10" and weighs around 90# and runs marathons. Kids always made comments about weight and it took a lot of "we don't talk like that, it's mean. do you think your grandma, aunt, grandpa, etc. are fat?" so using examples like that helped A LOT.

Keep in mind that this SD is a girl and she's at an age where she's picking up on things like that, her self image. Show her the right way and encourage her to be active too.

Okay, I am going to add some perspective. Most of you regulars know what I look like. I was carrying 15kgs too much after BabyD. I am now 6kgs too much ( thank you sunny xx). Polly (my BD) slapped my bum the other day and giggled. Then told me I am fat. She is 8. She was playing but it hurt. This is not a SK thing. It is a child thing. Especially when they think they can interact on an adult level.

Let it go or you will eat yourself up about a thoughtless comment not meant to be hurtful. Chunky has told me my hair is ugly, I left it curly that day. Again, so what. I am an attractive woman to my DH. Nothing else matters. Not a child's warped view nor societies.