Starting to have some serious worries about SS26
G'day STalkers,
It's been a while since I posted, since my skids have aged out and no longer live with us (thank goodness!). In the past, most of my problems were with a prima donna SD, who DW supported lock, stock, and barrel. However, since SD graduated high school and joined the army, I've actually started to (gradually) rebuild a relationship with her, and am hopeful that she will turn out to be a productive member of society. SS26, on the other hand is a different story.
Although never as rebellious or adversarial as SD, SS has really gotten on my radar due to his apathetic, nihilistic approach to life. He has lived with his grandparents for 11 years, and shows no signs of ever moving out. He works less than 30 hours a week at McDonald's, doesn't have a driver's license, has no interest in ever going to school, even a junior college. To the best of my knowledge, he still hasn't lost his "kissing virginity," and has never had a girlfriend. Most worryingly, SS wears over 350 pounds, and has been steadily gaining weight for years (he's about 5'10", so he is at least 150 pounds overweight).
Even though he doesn't live with us, I often wonder what is going to happen to him. He has no goals in life, and no meaningful relationships outside of his "life partner," with whom he has had a bromance since he was five years old (and no, it is not a homosexual relationship, as the friend is married to a girl; he and SS are just really good friends). He's not particularly close with any family, including DW,who he never calls unless he needs a ride to work, food, or money. He seems to have little to live for.
Anyone else have skids like this? If so, what happened as they got older? With his weight, I sometimes wonder if he'll live to see 40. Throw in a lack of purpose in life (which can affect longevity), and I wonder if he'll make it to 30. Just a sad deal all around.
How sad!!!! could you maybe
How sad!!!! could you maybe suggest lap band surgery or gastric bypass??
Yes, I can relate. You are
Yes, I can relate. You are lucky he did not live with you. SS25 is now living with roommates after living with me and DH since we married 8 years ago. DH & I went to marriage counseling since DH was not doing anything to launch his kid.
SS also showed no interest in anything. He finally got his license at 21 after we gave him a deadline for the end of the taxi service. We paid for a classes for him to get a career. After he passed all requirements he showed no interest. DH finally saw he was not doing anything to better himself and gave him a deadline to move out. He did manage to get a PT job in a liquor store so he finally did move in with roommates.
However he recently quit his job (he did not tell DH this) and has to get assistance (he told DH he can't support himself). SS does have some mental illness for which he is on medication but he drinks heavily and smokes pot.
It is sad but we did all we could to help this kid do better.
You can only suggest and point the way and help so much. They need to find their own way but it is sad to see them that way.
Hello Paul, The good news:
Hello Paul,
The good news: SS is out of your home. The bad news.... he will likely never be out of your life. As unlikely as it sometimes seems we do tend to care about our Skids. As Sparents we invest a lot of personal emotional capital into them and when they purposfully choose to not step up it is upsetting.
I think your SParenting investment needs to be focused on SD at this point as she is stepping up and doing something with her life. My own SS-23 (now my adopted spawn with me on his birth certificate and everything) was showing many signs of turning out like your SS then something clicked when he was 18 and off he went. He enlisted in the USAF for 6 years and recently got his line number for promotion to Staff Sgt. His mom and I are very proud of him. It looks like he will re-enlist with the intent to do 20 years. He is working on his BSCS though much more slowly than his mom and I would hope. But.... he is a self supporting viable adult and it his life.
Though the Skid is doing great we are struggling and have been struggling with my bride's three younger sibs since day one of our 22+ year relationship. They are the archtypical examples of doing the same stupid crap over and over again while expecting a different result. Sadly so are my brides' parents. As upsetting as it is for both of us to leave them to suffer the consequences of their repeated and seemingly incessant drama and failures in life we have little choice. Throwing good money after bad is not something either of us is willing to consider and we are past investing more emotional capital in their Ground Hog's Day redneck drama fest than is necessary.
It is highly unlikely that anything will change for your SS until GrandMa and GrandPa cut him off and kick him out. To facilitate that positive move you may want to call in an anonymous elder abuse report to get the appropriate authorities involved and make him extremely uncomfortable. I would. Merry Christmas Skid!!! }:)
Take care of you and enjoy your family during the Christmas and New Year season.
Regards,
Rags
I don't think SS26 is
I don't think SS26 is bi-polar....just extremely spoiled and lazy. He is also a Highly Sensitive Person, which is really neither here nor there, but for some reason that gets him additional slack from DW.