Am I asking too much?

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I've been a single mom since the day I found out I was pregnant. My son is 5 and sees his father every other weekend. He's not a dad to him. They do fun things for two days and that's all. He doesn't parent. I met my dh 9 months ago and things have been great. His daughter is 11. Now we have opposite weekends so for the most part we have one kid each weekend so we don't do much together but when we can we do. Well we are going to see his family for thanksgiving which I'm excited it will be all four of us. I took tomorrow off and he has to work in the morning. He works on jets at the airport. He is taking his daughter to work. And I'm kind of upset he didn't invite my son to go. He would love it. Am I asking too much for him to involve my son? When we have him on weekends he's very involved and takes him fishing and plays ball and rides bikes,etc. I want to say something but I don't want him to invite my son just because I spoke up. This is all new to me with blending a family. I love it but it does come with difficulties. The point doesn't matter much anymore as my son is now running a fever so it's best he gets rest before our trip but I still dislike the fact that he didn't think to involve him. Would you be upset? Or am I just overreacting?

Your son may be too young to

Your son may be too young to do that particular thing anyway--how would you feel if he got hurt? Working around jets isn't a great place for little folks. An 11 year old can be expected to understand safety and rules that would be well beyond a 5 year old.

Also, keep in mind that your DH is NOT the father of your son. He may not want to be put in that role in any way. Have you talked to him about how he envisions his interactions/role?

Yes you are asking too much.

Yes you are asking too much. Coping with a 5 year old at work is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than dealing with an 11 year old. Plus this is NOT HIS CHILD.

You think it is OK for: #1-

You think it is OK for:

#1- Any adult to take TWO children to work and not be sneered at by their boss or co-workers? There is no way you can work and supervise two kids.

#2- That it would be a good idea to have a 5yo in a place where they work on airplanes?

I don't think you are really thinking this through. I think you are just having a "Momma Bear" over reaction.

I see this as a possible day,

I see this as a possible day, day before Thanksgiving, that others may be bringing their older children to work too. A 5 yr old is a little young in a place like that, even if the child belonged to your DH. Many times parents take an older child somewhere and they leave younger ones behind for whatever reason. It's really okay and I can't believe he even has an idea you are feeling the way you are. Don't buy trouble...believe me it is given freely. Everything will be fine. Just keep your lines of communication open and never, never stop talking. I may sound like an expert but have failed myself because of these very issues. 35 years of marriage, raised his 12 yr old son, thought we came through pretty well. SS is 40 now, just blessed me out telling we what a horrible SM I have been, has a narcissistic wife who is also high dollar and yes, they have been invited to Thanksgiving at our home but I sure do dread it! Good luck to you!

I had the same problem with

I had the same problem with my two step sons 12 an 13. My bios are the same age. I'm finally getting constant visitation with them now(whole other long story). My kids grew up on a jobsite due to my ex wife's schedule and I owned the company.My son ccould operate a sky track at 5 years old. So a month ago I had them for a week and he went to work with Mr and my daughter with my wife (her step mom). My son was working hard enough and is 5 ft 7 at 13yrs that the builder started giving him a list of shit to do. I had to step in and tell him that he's 13 and not getting paid. I paid him at the end of the week with out telling him I would. My daughter help organize. My wife's new office and was a big help(according to my wife). I took my step sons to work with my last summer each for a week. Omfg NEVER AGAIN. Between the pissing and moaning and just down right being lazy. I gave my wife good reports on them due to not wanting to be accused of being to mean or hard on them which happens a lot. I had not only my boss but a supervisor for the builder and my boss both ask in private how those boys could be so lazy and clueless and told not asked but told me to not bring them back. I had all I could do to not loose it on my wife when she started griping when my kids were here. I didn't tell her what they said because to be honest I don't want to crush her feeling about her two other husband(step sons). Truth is each kid is different but I can't help their dad is a POS in prison. I love my wife dearly but when a guy (please remember I'm on a job site with hard charging no bull shit guys) asks me if fat boy has ever worked before I felt horrible. I realize that as a step dad with out a bio dad in the picture I have a long haul and they are getting better at a lot of thing but I will not put my career in jeopardy. I now try and do other guy things with them. I do love her boys but I had to step back and realize my kids ate mine and its up to me to teach them and I cannot put myself or career in jepordy for kids that were not raised like mine were. I also have a 3 1/2 yr old boy that is my side kick for everything. My two step sons don't even ask to do things and I don't push the issue.

I totally understand alone

I totally understand alone time and am glad they get some and me. I just wish he would communicate that and say I just want to take her to get time with her. My son wasn't sick till last night so the invite would have come before that. He used to take his daughter to work when she was three so I guess I didn't think it was a big deal. But yeah now that I'm thinking rationally two kids is more difficult and he needs to get work done so he can get home for us to leave town today. I just don't agree with the fact that he always wants me to involve his daughter but leaves my son out like its nothing. I understand mine is younger and that's not his dad. I just believe that everything should be fair as in if you want me to involve her then you need to involve him. Not saying in this situation now that I've processed it but just in general.

That's true. I was just a

That's true. I was just a little confused last night when he didn't ask him to go because last week he talked about us all going to show us his new work place. But yes I guess he did kind of communicate that he wanted just her. I've been really emotional lately and not sure why so that may just be me being moody.

I wouldn't worry to much

I wouldn't worry to much about this one. It is certainly much easier to take an 11 year old to work than a five year old.
I also think that it is really nice that he is spending some one on one time with daughter.
He sounds like a good dad!

I had to take my son to work with me one time when he was two. He locked my out of my office, he was inside. My co-workers had to take the door off of my office and the entire time he was in there crying for Mommy. Never again. LOL

I wouldn't worry to much

Sometimes yes. My parents

Sometimes yes. My parents want to take us all to some Christmas show next month and it's on a weekend we don't have her so he said he didn't want to go. I feel like it she could go he would and I understand because I would want my child there if it was the other way around. The opposite schedule with the kids is kind of hard sometimes to get us to all do anything together so I'm kind of used to that. I guess I just need to be happy we actually all get to be together this thanksgiving and have a good time this weekend and forget about this stupid thing when I shouldn't feel bad about it.

Yes exactly. Like I'm ok with

Yes exactly. Like I'm ok with him not going but it's the point that I know if she could go then he would. And yes we do things when his daughter when my son isn't there. Seems like he's afraid to leave her out of anything but with us having opposite weekend I feel it's gonna happen to them both sometimes. I don't not do something because my son isn't home. He's a bit easier though. He doesn't get jealous while his daughter does and when she finds out that we did something or even just when we have a date night she gets all awe I wanted to go there.

If he has his daughter every

If he has his daughter every other weekend then he is essentially a part time dad as well. I am really not sure how much real parenting you can do on a weekend. I sure if the daughter lives with his ex full time then she feels the same way about her ex as you do about yours.

Navigating step life is a very hard endeavor because there is no rule book. If your son was also his bio then I could see that you would be angry at his playing favorites and spending time with his bio. But this is his older bio. He has his kid on a day that he has to work. I would look at it that he took the initiative to not presume to leave his daughter with you to watch. And with that he expected you to not presume to watch your kid.

It is nice that he does things with your son, but he does not have an obligation or an expectation to. Just like you don't have to do things with his daughter. If you feel that he expects you to, then you need to talk with him about it or just not offer to do things with his daughter.

I would personally not make an issue out of this. Most men don't think into things like women do. He might have thought he was hints good guy by not burdening you with his kid. He may get angry that you didn't are angry because you are gifted that you expected him to basically babysit your kid as well.

Say something. If you don't

Say something. If you don't communicate, he won't know that there is a problem. I am not a big one for subtle hints or avoidance so my recommendations will fairly consistently be to speak up and if there is unacceptable behavior involved in a blended family situation to confront the behavior assertively.

This includes recognizing good stuff too. It should not be all negative stuff. Confront the bad, recognize the positives.

Thanks everyone. I honestly

Thanks everyone. I honestly think I'm just being crazy and I know it. I've been extremely emotional lately and I think this just ran into that.

No but I did just start new

No but I did just start new birth control. I was on an iud and recently had it removed and now on the pill for only a couple months so every once and a while lately I make a mountain out of a mole hill. This would be why I came here to talk rather than start something with him that didn't need to be.

Thanks. Venting always helps.

Thanks. Venting always helps. I feel quite stupid about it now and am glad I didn't say anything to him last night. He knew I was acting weird but I kept it to myself because I knew I sound crazy lol. No the doctor did not inform me of that. But I did have my period last week so I don't think I'm pregnant.

And so now I text my Dh to

And so now I text my Dh to see if they would be home for lunch or should I feed my son so we can just hit the road. His response were stopping to eat on our way home. Doesn't ask if we want anything or nothing. Kind of annoys me since I was trying to be considerate of what they were doing for lunch. This is going to be one long car ride today. Ugh.

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