I would not go. My ex husband and I are really good friends and I would not go his wedding.... its simply not appropriate. I'm sorry that you are dealing with his family who obviously don't have any tact. It must be so hard.... I couldn't imagine if my husband's family acted that way... luckily, my husband's family hates BB (because she REALLY earned that second B!)
Can you sit your mil down and talk with her about how they involve BB in family functions? She will likely get mad that you bring it up.... but what do you have to loose? I'd say something.... shes not in the family anymore and 'the family' needs to move on. That does not mean that everyone has to hate each other... it just means that she is not invited to family functions anymore.... its just not right or appropritate on any level.

ought to have the conversation with dear ole' mom and his sisters about how hurtful this is to his wife. My MIL forever was asking my husband about the ex, but it stopped when he blew up one day and told her he doesn't know, couldn't care less, isn't married to her anyway, and does his mom care how his actual wife is doing?
I feel for you. It is extremely hurtful to see people be nice to a person who causes such havoc in your life.
For your husband to suggest the day before her wedding that you and he should go is a little bizarre -- couldn't he have sprung this on you a little sooner?
That aside, I definitely would not go. You are not her friend and she is not your husband's family anymore. That makes her ... almost a stranger. And one you don't even like. Don't put yourself through the trauma of watching his family cozy up to this woman. Ask your husband instead to take you somewhere romantic for the night.

would I go. And I have a hard time understanding why your hubby would want to go either. His mother and sisters you have absolutely no control over unfortunately. No matter how you address this "odd" relationship that continues amongst them all, you will look like the bad guy.

Because it is rather ridiculous that hubby actually told you that everyone was going....I am assuming that he has included you in this, I would approach it this way. Honey, can we sit down and talk quietly for a few minutes? Then tell him that you find this situation very odd and I no longer want to be a part in it. If he feels the need to go, then he should go alone, but that you are making plans for you and your kids to go away if he does for some good ole family time and you would love for him to come along, but this will have to be his choice. Then I would tell him again that you find it uncomfortable and that if the ex is going to be included in ANY future family events, then for this too you and the kids will not be attending, but making your own plans each and everytime. That they are divorced for a reason and you are now his wife and you should not have to feel uncomfortable in family events.

Of course he will probably be furious and it will probably kill you to follow through on it, but don't give in. Chances are a few times of him attending alone and knowing that you are out enjoying yourself with the kids while he is there with his mother/sisters and ex wife, he will get the drift. If you don't put your foot down, you are looking at a long time of arguements over this.

Good luck and let us know how you make out.
Corie

Although I havent had the wedding problem my husbands family are very close to Sarah. In fact right after Jordan and I moved in with each other his father told him that he should be with Sarah and not with me. We have been married over 3 years now and they are still really close. I told my husband to tell his parents to but out of our situation or I would. I think that your husband should have included you in the decision. I guess if his parents and sisters want to go to the wedding then so be it. But if i were you I would put my foot down. Audrey

my dh was traped by the whore who gave birth to his oldest son, and she has never been a good mother. When my dh and she lived together, my dh's family never treated her with kindness. Then when they break up, suddenly she is alright. In fact they often defend her over dh, when clearly she is irrational, chaotic, unstable, unreliable, and dishonest. They all run to her aid every single time.

What you need to remember is this: it isn't you. They may be trying to do this to hurt you, but you don't deserve this, this is their problem, and not yours. Let it be water on a ducks' back. Very hard to do indeed, but you didn't do this to yourself. Families that support the aid of ex's and invite them to family functions are dysfunctional. They are demonstrating poor family boundaries, b/c no matter what you dh has ever done, he is blood, and blood comes before friends. If they don't support your marriage, they aren't support his own ability to make his own decisions in life, and guess what? That is there problem.

If my dh's pshyco ex decided to get married tomorrow, everyone from my dh's family would be there. That would not hurt me one bit. How you ask? B/c I could care less about who/what attends her dysfunctional functions. Anyone that values the opinion of my dh's ex, is not someone I value or trust.

You have to realize that this isn't you, and get over what you feel is an injustice to your relationship to you and your dh. Distance yourself from you in-laws. You are not obligated to attend anything except your family's weddings and funnerals, not the ex's wedding. And if she is there during holiday functions, you are not obligated to attend those either. Create you own functions that you are comfortable with.

My in-laws create every type of excuse for my dh's ex no matter how insane she is. I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't ever have to defend myself or my dh to our family, and if they question anything we do...I just say "you have to have faith in your brother's ability to make his own decisions, if you don't have faith then that is your problem." I also realize that arguing with them is like talking to a brick wall....no matter what psycho does, she is right and we are wrong. I can't take anyone serious that really defends and supports psycho over my dh. I have removed my value of their opinion, and that is how they don't hurt my feelings.

Best of luck to you,
Candice

It is like we have the same ex situation.