Helping each other out
I'm still fairly new to this and don't know if I should have a talk with my DH. But sometimes it bothers me that I help him with his child alot and he doesn't with mine. I do things without asking and maybe its just his being a man that he doesn't think about things like I do. A couple months back I told him how it bothered me that he would expect me to be at home with both of our children but he didn't want to involve my son. I totally get spending time alone with your child and I respect his alone time with my SD and he respects my time with my son. He did make the effort the next day and pick my son up from school early but since then has not. I just want him to involve my son as much as I involve his daughter. We just moved and her school is now not zoned for our house so I drive her to school which I don't mind but he never volunteers to pick my son up when he always gets home before me. Today he got home from work at noon and text me around 2:30 to tell me he was going to pick her up from the bus stop at my parents house since he was home. My sons school is a mile from there and he didn't offer to go get him. Would this bother you? Should I say something to him again about how I feel he doesn't help me out with my son? I'm not used to how this blended family thing works and I'm not sure if I'm just feeling this way because I'm burnt out and he doesn't offer to help with my son as much as I'd like or what.
It's very simple. You treat
It's very simple. You treat him as he treats you. Stop doing a single thing for his child. Let him parent his child and you parent your child. You need to use actions and not words with him. Again, stop helping with his child immediately.
What she said.
What she said.
I thought about that. But I
I thought about that. But I can't just up and stop taking her to school. And he plans on going out of town in a month for a couple of weeks for work training and she plans on staying with me which I don't mind but my thing is if I help you out it'd be nice if sometimes you help me out. I do very much enjoying picking up my son from pre-k but it would be nice sometimes to just go straight home after work instead of going out of my way when he could just go. Like a couple times a week would be nice.
Yeah I get what your saying.
Yeah I get what your saying. I guess it didn't bother me before because I wasn't doing so much for his daughter. This driving to school and her bus droppping at my parents just started last week. My sons father only sees him every other weekend so he has never been around to help much at all.
I had a similar experience
I had a similar experience with DH in the beginning, I would bend over backwards to help him out with his 2, however he wasn't so giving to my 2 in return.
I tried talking, sometimes we fought about it, I pointed out the issues, ahhhh...nothing was working to make him see.
Then, I disengaged, stopped helping him out, left him with it all!
Quickly he figures it out and started helping me and I began helping him again, but I had to stop for him to see what I was doing and what he wasnt.
Well, and there's always the
Well, and there's always the WANTING to be a giver, and then the exhaustion that takes over.
I've been giving to a household of 6, while working full time. I'm simply exhausted.
Some of us start doing everything because we have a baby and stay home a while for that child, so logistically, the cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, etc. falls on us. This is one thing when you're young and in your twenties. Some of us, mind you, are older.
So, with all due respect, when the giver gets tired, the rest of the family needs to hep out, or there will be unhappiness.
The giver has needs too... that doesn't make the giver any less of a giver.
(p.s. my DH is actually very helpful, we're both overwhelmed, so things need to be re-destributed amongst us AND amongst the teenagers in our house).
Exactly. I don't mind helping
Exactly. I don't mind helping him with his daughter at all. I'm a giver. It is my nature. And I do not "expect" things but I'm just saying it would be nice to get a little help on my end when I'm overwhelmed. I work full time and take care of the kids, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. I do get worn down sometimes and would just appreciate an offer to help.
stop expecting anything and
stop expecting anything and start ASKING. if he texts u that he's picking sd up, why not just text him back "can u pick up bs too while u're in that direction?"
men can sometimes just be dense and perceived as unthoughtful. just ask him!!!
This is very true. And im not
This is very true. And im not saying DH isn't helpful. Men just don't think about things the way women do/ When I ask for anything like can you cook tonight or can you do a load of laundry while you home, etc. It gets done. I guess I just need to get over thinking he will just offer and just ask him to do it.