I apologize for the long post, there is a lot of information.
SS13 is a pathological liar. I don't know how long he has been one, but I have discovered this in the last 6 moths. He lies about his chores, his homework, his brother and sister, things that happen at his mom's house, things that happen at school, soccer, and nothing. He is just constantly lying for attention.
There have been some major instances of dishonesty though. Before he went on winter break at school, he told his friends he had cancer and would not be coming back to school. He said he would be getting schooling at the hospital. We found this out from our nephew who attends the same school. My HD had a talk with him and that was it! Nothing else. I consider that a significant issue and sign of deeper problems, but DH did nothing else. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation either, but it wouldn't be solved with just a talk especially with all the other lying.
Another issue occurred when he was at a department store with my BD and myself. We were looking at bathing suits and he said he wanted to go look at the books so I let him. He came back and told us that a man had run his hand from the top of SS head down his body. Instantly my monkey brain took over and we went back to the area to find this man so I could identify him to the store security when I reported the incident. We had walked all over the store before I realized he was likely full of shit. I questioned him the way I would question a student at work making an accusation against another student or what not. At this moment it became very apparent that he made the whole thing up. I then responded by saying that since we couldn't find him we should call the police so they can come down and interview SS to find the guy. I pull out my phone and instantly SS is backtracking on everything he originally said happened. I was furious and so we left. DH gave him another talking to when we got home and that was it. I told SS he would not be allowed to go in public with me anymore.
I believe he is also a thief. He was staying at my SIL's after school each day until BM gets off work. BM lives far away and gets off work late. Originally she wanted him to walk to our house after school, but I said no to that. At the time that was brought up was when I began to discover what a liar he is and told DH that he could not be trusted here alone each day. Well, he proved that right because he ended up stealing clothing from his own cousin who saw him wearing it in a pic on social media. He got busted, had to give the clothing back and apologize, and is no longer allowed to go to SIL's after school. Other things have gone missing from or house as well. Money, my BD's school supplies, supplies from my work stuff (I'm a teacher), and a few of my DH's watches. Those I cannot prove, but I'm very certain SS is the culprit.
I don't know how to handle this. I've talked to DH about it, but it seems like he sees it as too shameful for him to really handle it. I'm at the point where I just don't want the kid around. Everything that comes out of his mouth is likely untrue. My BD15 is really good at calling him out instantly. He says something she thinks is a lie and she says it. "You're lying." "Why are you lying?" "Why do you need to lie to talk to other people?" "Don't talk to me until you figured out what is real and what is a lie because I don't like being lied to." For me, I find it a little more difficult to be that direct. My daughter will say it when she doesn't even have any proof that he's lying, but she says she can tell because of his eyes and facial expressions, and then by his response to her. Most of his everyday lies are just bullshit. Just things made up to have something to talk about, nothing that hurts or what not, but those are the hardest to confront. What have any of you done in this kind of situation? What is your advice for dealing with this?