Summer Vacation Issues
I am sure many of us are faced with the dilemma of summer vacation. I am a teacher and I have been more than clear with my husband from the start that my time off from work is not to babysit. Whether it be summer, Thanksgiving, winter, spring, or any random 3 day weekend. I work hard for my time off and will not use it to watch my step kids nor will I watch anyone else's children. My sister in law is pretty damn pushy and thought at one time that I love children so much that I want to use my vacations away from them to watch other ones. She is a stay at home mom and has literally asked me to take her 3 children off her hands two days a week over the summer. This was 2 years ago, but my response made her never ask again 
My issue is this, I always feel guilty. Not because of sister in law, pfft.... she doesn't even work so I have no problem telling her to watch her own damn kids. I feel guilty because my husband spends about $1400 each summer for his kids to go to daycare. He doesn't make me feel bad or anything like that, I just innately feel bad because he is dishing that amount of money out every summer when I could easily watch them. It wouldn't take up my whole summer, but it would take up half. But.... I DON'T WANT TO. I don't want them around me 24 hours a day. (If anyone has read my previous posts, they are the ones with the atrocious table manners along with some other annoying and disgusting behaviors) Hell, I don't want my own biological daughter around me 24 hours a day, but she is older than all of his kids so she doesn't fight, or scream, or need meals/snacks made for her, can entertain herself, etc... Plus she is MINE so it is my responsibility to have her with me on my time off.
I guess I don't really have anything to complain about because my husband respects my right to time off. It just sucks that I don't let myself off the hook to enjoy my breaks and instead feel guilty. I just love my husband and feel torn between making his life easier or making my life easier. Anyone else dealing with anything similar?
Consider the daycare costs an
Consider the daycare costs an investment in your marriage. If you watch them just because you feel guilty you will soon resent them and your DH which will mean trouble for your marriage. So happily send them to daycare and enjoy your summer
Good point. Yes I'd
Good point. Yes I'd definitely end up resenting them all.
True on all counts, Tog! My
True on all counts, Tog! My biological daughter(I have full custody of her) is going away for about 3 weeks this summer to Europe and while I'm excited for her, I'm really excited for me. A whole house? All to myself? For 3 weeks? I'm almost giddy. Of course, I will miss her, but the break will be welcomed by this mom.
Even just one kid, 2 days a
Even just one kid, 2 days a month and I still wouldn't want to do it, but I probably would have and then would have been resentful. I'm sure I'll get over it as well.
If you start to feel guilty
If you start to feel guilty list all of the benefits the step kids get from going to camps/daycare. I can bet they would rather play all day and do interesting organized activities with other kids than be at home and go grocery shopping or help with chores.
Then, as was said above, remember that by paying for his kids to go to camps/daycare (places they enjoy going to) and by saving you from becoming a live in nanny for the summer (which you appreciate) your husband is investing in your whole family's happiness. The kids are happy, you are happy and so he can relax and be happy and everyone gets to have a great summer. I think that is worth $1400 (if he can afford it, which it sounds like he can) and he obviously thinks this too as he does it without guilt tripping you about it. So give yourself a break and enjoy your summer without the guilt.
I completely understand your
I completely understand your dilemma. Don't beat yourself up about it. Not your spawn, not your problem and since your DH understands and has your back on this, don't let the SIL or your own internal struggle with the situation detract from your well earned time off.
My SParenting situation was a bit different. Both my wife and I have successful professional careers and we tag teamed on supporting the Skid's activities when he was growing up. We stuck to this model through grad school and as our careers expanded. In the summer we put him in day camp and after the first few years of our marriage we started taking Skid free time off of work and took some Skid free vacations when he was on Sperm Land visitation. My bride struggled a bit with guilt over that. However, I did not. Sure, I missed him when we did a vacation that I felt he would enjoy but never did I feel guilty about it.
Don't you feel guilty either. Feeling guilt is a choice. Make the right one.
Enjoy your summer.