Am I the only one?
I have a question....& I suppose I need to vent a bit.
Let me start out by saying that I've been with my husband 8yrs & married for 2yrs. 3 skids: SDs 16 & 12; SS 15.
I can't get over resentment that I have over things they've done in the past. I know they are my husband's kids & I know he loves them & wants them around whenever possible - although he has admitted he thinks he's a crappy parent. And I do agree that he is...he feels guilty so he let's them get away with anything. He tries too hard to be a friend & not a parent.
I've told him that I understand all this, but I still get in such a bad mood anytime they are around.
He has literally told me "don't tell my kids anything without asking me first"....in other words, I can't correct them or parent then when they are in my home. I don't think that's right. My kids have there rules. I don't yell, I would never hit them. But I think I should be allowed to say "don't do this... please do that" without wearing kidgloves. Personally, I that's their problem...they've never really had a parental figure, which is why they don't like me, I'm sure.
But how do I get over the resentment?
I've tried bonding with them, but the only way they bond is by being bought things....and I refuse to do that.
They are materialistic & opportunistic, like their mother. And I'm not going to buy their affection.
I've tried joking with them. I've tried treating them like I'd treat my own kids. Just nothing works.
The oldest one is hellbent on growing up too fast. The youngest one was always treated as the baby before I came along, so she still acts like one - even asking my husband to carry her - she's 12! My SS is the only one that's gotten calmer and better as he's gotten older.
I need some insight. I don't know what to do and I'm really scared that my marriage could end over this because I don't think it's fair to my husband and I would walk away.
Please help.
You know, I told my husband
You know, I told my husband the other day "I understand u want ur kids around, but if ur not going to parent them & u won't let me parent them, that's what frustrates me....then don't bring then around"
He says to me "I don't try to parent ur daughters"
And i said "yes, because I'm capable & willing to do it myself"
My oldest already graduated from high school. My youngest will be a freshman next year - plays all sports, straight As,National Jr Honor Society....so with all due respect, I don't think I need his parenting help.
I will just say that, any kid
I will just say that, any kid that is in my house is subject to correction by me if they do something that they shouldn't. I'm not going to ask them to scrub my kitchen floor with a toothbrush but I would have no problem asking them to clean up after themselves or whatever.
Your DH telling you that he does not parent your children is a joke, since he does not even parent his own.
The fact is, you are an adult, they are kids and if there is a need for parenting and your DH is not going to step up then so be it. I mean, I wouldn't go so far as giving them life lectures or anything but when it comes to something that affects the household, I would speak up. If he doesn't like it, well, what's he going to do?
You cannot have one set of kids doing whatever the hell they want and not having to listen to you. Again, you are one of the adults in the house and that affords you some leeway. There is no reason that you cannot enforce house rules in your home- with ANY kid, even the neighbor's.
These kids need to learn that there is always going to be someone in their lives that they are going to have to listen to. Your DH needs to teach them that. He should be teaching them to respect you and to respect him as their father. It would help if he respected himself as a father but it doesn't sound like he does. It doesn't sound like he respects you much, either.