Wife is letting the kids have their way, WAY TOO MUCH ! and I am getting MAD
Hello Everyone, I am with a wonderful lady with 3 children. I am their Step father. I met them all when they were all in their late teens and now they are grown. I brought my lady a $12,000 car with payments, which I really could not afford buy but I did anyway. Every thing was fine until... my lady started letting her youngest son use the car. At first he would just use the car just to go to work at McDonald after school, then my wife started letting him use the car which I PAY FOR, for everything and any time he wanted to. Her son has taken over the car now and its very hard for anyone else to even use this car. Its gotten to the point where me and my lady have gotten in a arguments over this stupid car and how she lets her son takes advantage.I tried to talk to him , but he has this attitude like he doesn't have to listen to me in my house and all he wants to do is drive this car and hang out, he hasn't even saved any money for his own car yet. I am trying my best to curb my temper with her son at this point, but its getting hard. I told her that if she lets him take that car to college this August, I will NOT make the payments on it. Why should I over $300.00 a month for a car for my wife , that her son will not let her use. I AM GETTING REAL REAL TRIED OF THIS. Can some one give me some advice before this issue blows up ? THANK YOU.
snoopystep, You know I am
snoopystep, You know I am TRYING my best to be diplomatic and not be a total a**hole., But her son is driving me to that point, on top of that I have to beg him to do anything like take the trash out once a week the only thing he wants to do is sleep and get the car and drive. Its like he's daring me. I did tell my lady that if she lets him take that car to college I am going to stop paying for the car. Something that I didn't want to do. My lady has promised that she wouldn't let that happen. The issue that I am having is that she doesn't have the strength to tell him NO, BUT I DO and WILL. I am going to wait and see. I just don't want this thing to turn ugly. Lesson to be learned.....Some times it isn't good to be TOO NICE, some people take niceness for weakness. Thank You
Just Wow,I told my lady that
Just Wow,I told my lady that this is the LAST car that I am buying for anyone other than myself and when her son tears this car up.......DONT expect me to fix it ! What you said in your post is very true and thank you. You know I am TRYING my best to be diplomatic and not be a total a**hole., But her son is driving me to that point, on top of that I have to beg him to do anything like take the trash out once a week the only thing he wants to do is sleep and get the car and drive. Its like he's daring me. I did tell my lady that if she lets him take that car to college I am going to stop paying for the car. Something that I didn't want to do. My lady has promised that she wouldn't let that happen. The issue that I am having is that she doesn't have the strength to tell him NO, BUT I DO and WILL. I am going to wait and see. I just don't want this thing to turn ugly. Lesson to be learned.....Some times it isn't good to be TOO NICE, some people take niceness for weakness. Thank You
You gave your wife a gift
You gave your wife a gift that you want to control. When I buy something for someone, I don't expect to have a say in what they do with it. I would never accept a gift with strings attached.
I'm actually surprised that your wife is still allowing her son to use the damn car. If I were in her shoes, I would have handed you the keys to YOUR car the first time you said anything about my son driving it. I would never touch it again. I would go out and purchase a car myself.
I understand where he's
I understand where he's coming from. But when you give someone a gift,you don't get to dictate what they do with it.
From a theoretical standpoint
From a theoretical standpoint I would agree, but this "gift" is legally owned by whatever leasing company the OP is making the car payments too. So if the OP decides to suddenly stop making payments, the "gift" gets rep'oed.
So I believe the OP has every right to put some stipluations on who gets to use the car and when.
OP has signed a leasing contract agreement for the rights to use the car. So I think it is VERY fair to impose some restrictions on who gets to use the car and when (like I stated in my comment).
I'm actually a little
I'm actually a little surprised at this post.
Wilspeak, let me ask you something and you have to be 100% honest with yourself. When you started dating your wife, did you not notice these issues right away? Because I noticed with my DW almost instantly that she was spoiling her son and simply could not tell him "no".
For example, when we were out DW would ask me for some change. I would give her some thinking that she needed it for herself. No, she needed the money because SS wanted some change to buy a toy from one of those toy vending machines.
Flash forward many years later, and I have learned to lie to my wife because I know she is not asking for herself but for her son who is, quite frankly, undeserving.
I don't like lying to my wife, but I simply refuse to give money to her to give to this kid who thinks money grows on trees. This is also why I refuse to go to family restaurants when SS is in our custody. SS will order the most expensive meal on the menu, not eat it and then ask for dessert. So when DW suggests we go out, I say no and I come up with an excuse as to why we can't go out.
Oh....You know what my wife wanted to do on Mother's Day? She wanted to go see Avengers: Age of Ultron. This is not a movie my wife typically likes to go see. She wanted to go see AoU because that is what SS wanted to go see.
I nipped that in the bud too.
Last Christmas my SS wanted a PS3. DW approached me about going halfsies with her on it. I said no. This kid is already failing school. The last thing he needs is another video game console.
"But it's Christmas!"
Call me the Grinch then....
If my wife wants to spoil her son, that is her business but it is going to be on her dime, not mine. She has gotten better over the years and I have already drawn the line in the sand over what I will and will not do for her son.
I'll treat him right, I'll treat him fairly, but I will not spoil him.
If he does his homework, does his chores, *MAYBE* I will consider giving him a treat. Getting something for nothing doesn't work in my book, or anywhere else in the real world.
My only advice to you then is to "suggest" that this kid earn his keep. He wants to borrow the car? Make him pay for half the insurance policy. "Mom, can I take the car to go hang with my friends?". Yes, provided you do ALL the chores like I asked. Oh, and the gas tank is full, please bring it back full. I would make him wash the car on regular basis too. That is what my parents made me do. Hey! Have him bring the car in for the scheduled oil changes too. Make him sit in the waiting room. These are all simply suggestions and IMHO they are extremely fair.
Now, if your wife doesn't take your advice, my only advice to you then is to refrain from buying your wife ANYTHING that could possibly be handed down to her son in the future. I am not suggesting you lie to your wife, but save yourself some heartache.
When my wife texts me "We're out of Nutella!" when I am at the grocery store, I ignore the text and tell her I only received the message too late. (Long story short...My SS eats Nutella by the gallon and I simply refuse to buy it anymore because it's expensive and this kid will actually skip whole meals just so he can snack on Nutella later).
Draco, It's like you are
Draco,
It's like you are reading a page from my own diary - my DW does the same thing. I'll give her money or sometimes other gifts, and she'll turn right around and give it to a skid (or spend it on them).
Also, I don't take my SD out to eat anymore, but back when I did, she would also zero in on the most expensive item. It wasn't unusual for her to try and order a steak, etc. She has, as they say, "champagne tastes."
As you may have seen on my recent posts, SD still has not learned to budget, as she is always overdrawing her checking account, and asking DW to bail her out.
You, me and Rhinodad are
You, me and Rhinodad are actually the past, present and future selves of the same person!
agree with cat here. this is
agree with cat here. this is no ordinary gift with no strings. its a car that is not paid for with liability issues.
Take the car keys back from
Take the car keys back from the wife.
There are other issues here, like insurance and liability as well. Let wife buy her own car. I could not agree with you more. That is BS. And yes, it was a gift for the WIFE to drive, not the Loser SS. He needs to get his own wheels.
If your Wife keeps babying these adult Skids, they will never grow up and continue to leech off of her, which means YOU. And please forget about being diplomatic. These folks are walking all over you. Be polite and firm, and take the keys back from the wife and trade the car in on a nice truck or something for yourself. This "gift" is not appreciated by her or cherished, because if it were she wouldn't give it so freely to SS to drive.
And the insurance!~!~! This kid is a liability.
If the car is in your name,
If the car is in your name, report it stolen. Put the little shit in jail.
End of car discussion.
Your DW on the other hand is another story. It is time to jerk a knot in her tail and give her some clarity that the marriage is between you and your bride and not between she and her son.
You need to address this with
You need to address this with your wife and I agree that as long as you are paying the car payments this car should not be used my your lady's son. If she wants to take over payments and make that choice, fine.