Co-Parenting is really hard and almost nonexistent in reality. Yall should Parallel-Parent which is what my DH and his ex do. Each parent is responsible for their own time and that's it. If it's not an emergency then there's no contact at all except via email such as if SS has a program at school, DH gets flyers from the school or whatever, he will send BM an email listing the date/time/place. Same with medical and dental. DH takes care of SS's medical visits since BM keeps "forgetting" so he will just email her an update after its already over letting her know if there's a problem. In our situation BM is too high conflict to try to coparent. That will have to come years later after we've gotten use to the custody order we have. I would advise yall to follow the custody order to a T, every little word, dot and phrase needs to be learned and defined so that it's clear for everyone. And stick with what it says. No exchanging times, no extra time here or there or doing any favors because all that causes trouble in the end. If it's not in the order, don't do it...until both of them can figure out a way to work through their problems like adults (it will take years for this)

What is your SO doing to handle it?

Red flag! YOU called to ask her to stop calling HIM? This is not middle school. Your FDH is not a mute. (I'm guessing on that, but still feel pretty confident with that statement.)

Nope, your problem isn't her - it's HIM. HE doesn't have good boundaries, and it sounds like he doesn't really have any intention of getting any. He'll let you run interference, but won't deal with the situation himself? Not cool. Tell FDH that he needs to man up and get his balls out of her purse or you're gone. He needs to get some boundaries, and PROTECT you from her, not let YOU deal with her!

I'm wondering who ended their relationship.

The fact that he isn't putting an end to all of the calls/texts, is willing to accommodate changes to the schedule for her and has no problem bring her chauffeur, makes me think he isn't over her.

Sounds like your FH is a milquetoast and is allowing his exGF to walk all over him.

Or he's enjoying two women vying for his attention.

Here's the thing.....I would step away from the situation until your FH mans up and realizes the only woman he should be keeping happy is you. He can't have two women in his life. He has to want to set up boundaries with the BM.

If I were in your shoes, I would stop reminding this guy of his visitation days. He's a grown up and he should be keeping track on his own. These are not your kids and they are not your problem or your responsibility. Go on with your life and don't allow your spineless FH and his boundary crossing BM to interfere with your life.

Oh and in case you're wondering....marriage is NOT going to make any of this better. Only worse.

My wife had to attend a co-parenting seminar (it was court ordered).

Rule #1 Communication between the parents should be cordial and civil but should ONLY BE ABOUT THE CHILDREN.

Rule #2 Parents should work together in the best interest of the children but should a disagreement arise over how to parent the children or how to share custody. The custody order takes precedence. No one parent has the right to make changes to it (even temporary ones) without the other parent's okay.

Rule #3 Each parent should encourage the child to have a relationship with the other parent. In no way shape or form should one parent insult or argue with the other parent in front of the child. A child who sees a parent insult the other quickly learns to disrespect BOTH parents.

What your fh is doing is NOT co-parenting. He is still emotionally involved with his ex. It is up to HIM to tell her that it stops and that the above three rules be implemented.

I am not fully on board that he has a torch for his X. However, it is perfectly clear that he did not get his testicles back from her when the relationship ended. The excuses that it is for the kids, and attacking you rather than the X over the drama just tells me he is no man, has no character, and wont' have either unless and until he gets his balls back from his X.

Time to leave him to his ball-less life of no character rather than sign up to be his whipping post over his lack of testicular fortitude with the woman who squeezed out his fuck nuggets. If he cannot make you his life partner, his sole relationship priority, and put and keep his X firmly in his rear view mirror other than keeping her firmly planted in compliance with a Custody/Visitation/Support CO and interface with her only regarding the Skids then move on and find a partner without baggage to make a life and family with.

Good luck.

In my opinion the rules should be really clear. Normally when you break up with someone you don't have contact with them. But when there is kids involved its a whole different ball game.

Communication should only be about the children after work unless there is an emergency.
You have to get along for the kids sake but no one is expecting everyone to be best friends.

I have found that it is very hard for men to put their foot down because of fear or court or drama. My husbands ex use to text how she can't believe their little boy is growing up so fast and crap like that randomly and he finally told her to stop when I told him I was gonna leave. They just don't understand what its like to be a step parent. She will continue to push boundaries unless he draws a clear line.