SD FROM HELL - NEED ADVICE
I have a serious situation with the SD. I have been dating my BF for 6yrs and we live together. He is divorced and has 2 teenage daughters. The youngest took to me immediately however the older one never like me from the beginning. We have had heart to hearts and she explained she was basically jealous of me because her father gives me too much attention. I understand that in which is why there are days she comes over and I will go to my room and let them have their alone time. However the days that I participate in whatever is going on she has that I HATE YOU face on and just brings tension into our home. Long story short... A situation came up last week that in which I was unable to attend their families party due to a family gathering I had going on. She decided to tell his entire family that I was lying about where I was and most likely at a bar getting drunk. The next time I saw her I said next time you want to talk about me get your facts straight and walked away. My BF continued to have a conversation regarding what she told people with some yelling. She then stormed off and went back to her mothers. (GREAT) She said that I got in her face and she was never coming back (didn't happen BUT GREAT DONT COME BACK) The rest of the weekend was without her and was absolutely stress free and fun. I had a couple glasses of wine and did say "isn't it so my better here without your sister" to his youngest daughter. My BF stopped me from saying anymore immediately and I did. The youngest went home and told her what I said. Now all hell has broken loose. She proceed to text my BF the most disrespectful, vulgar, unthinkable words about me. One example of her vulgarity is I am a Puerto Rican woman and she said "Dad I cant believe you are taking a PR, don't you know they are just dirty black people" you deserve to be with your own kind, someone who is not so disgusting. 2 days later my BF is telling me that I should talk to her and try to work things out.. WHAT?!?! how can I get past what she said? and this was just one of soooo many things she said. I just don't know how to move forward.. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm going to sit this one
I'm going to sit this one out. Best of luck to you and I am sure there are others here that can give you great advice.
IDK.. I think the boyfriend
IDK.. I think the boyfriend was telling the girl the drunk at a bar comment was uncalled for. I think that's what led the OSD to leave.
This is one of those situations where being the bigger person and keeping your mouth shut is important. Yeah, it was probably satisfying to get that little dig in to her sister. You KNEW she would repeat it and that would hurt the OSD.
The BF is trying to mediate without getting too much in the middle of the dynamics. I think that OP had a lingering grudge and her perception of OSD was always that she has a sour look. Maybe she just has resting btch face? Or maybe she is just a sullen teen.
OP.. you stepped in it, so you will have to scrape it off your shoes. You as the adult need to make it right. You can tell her that racial disparaging remarks are hurtful, but that you were wrong for what you said too.
Don't make BF choose.
I think things could have
I think things could have been repairable had you not said what you said to her sister.
Thank you for your advice...
Thank you for your advice... so much easier said then done... I don't know if I have it in me to apologize to her after all this. I am afraid of what more will be said when we are face to face because I can only bite my tongue so long... I've been doing it for 6yrs and its bleeding out!!! LOL
Your awesome! and your words
Your awesome! and your words are talking me off the ledge right now
Much appreciated! Everyone knows it would be any woman my BF was with. My BF says that to me all the time as well as the younger one... She just wants him and his attention all to herself. But she is actually turning 18 this week.... and was kinda hoping she really didn't come back }:) BUT I will apologize (OMG I CANT BELIEVE I AM SAYING THIS) for saying that to her sister. But I cant just ignore the racist comments... and the oh so many more horrible things she said about me. Do I just pretend it didn't happen... apologize and move on? :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:
I agree with your first
I agree with your first thought... 18 is only a number. Someone can be immature 100! She should apologize; I would apologize for saying that to her sister. Be ambiguous about what was said. As far as the racial slurs... That will ultimately hurt the SD. Those attitudes will come out in social settings and make her look ignorant.
It is very interesting when
It is very interesting when young or sub-adults decide that they are a little two big for their little girl panties or little boy SpiderMan undies. Though I do agree with others that you stepped on it and went over the line when you blurted your comment to her little sister. You have to remember that this is the little one's big sister and your SO's daughter you are commenting on and though I understand your frustration ... never forget that you are the adult. You have to behave as the adult all of the time.
Now for your SO.... he should have jerked a knot in his eldest spawn's tail up front and not allowed her behavior to go this far.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Thank you very much for your
Thank you very much for your advice. No, my BF does not share her views and did put her in her place for those disgusting racist comments. He did not raise her that way so we were both blindsided by it but I just cant get past it and I love my BF with all my heart. Our relationship is fantastic other then this POS. But I am ready to cut my losses here.... Never again will I date a man with girls!! Also, to add to this - She is off to college next year and 2days after she said these disgusting things he booked a flight to see some colleges which to me is rewarding her behavior. Another HA AH moment in which I won with no consequences.. im just sick over this
AMEN!!!!!!!!! And I honestly
AMEN!!!!!!!!! And I honestly don't want her around so it feels like a victory for me! But with the holidays coming its a tough call.
He wants the 4 of us to sit
He wants the 4 of us to sit down and discuss how we can be civil but I told him I was in no way ready for that being so fresh and I have so much anger. I am afraid one word from her and I might just jump across the table and deck her.... Thanksgiving is in a week in which why he wants to do this but I just cnat. I think I would rather just pretend she doesn't exist on Thanksgiving
He definitely is disgusted by her comments... I just cant believe she is a product of such a great kind man... so sad
LOL NOT MY KIDS NOT MY
LOL NOT MY KIDS NOT MY PROBLEM
the only problem is I love their dad and it just makes for a difficult future
Thank you all very much for
Thank you all very much for your advice...It really helped me tremendously. Yesterday I was just so angry and confused. Today because all of you took the time to comment I feel like I can go on. I will NOT apologize to her for anything as I have never in my life been so disrespected and from a POS 18yr btch - I just feel sorry for her because one day she will say something to the wrong person and finally will pay the consequence. I will however have to learn how to be in the same room with her... but for that I will need more time. I hope she keeps to her word and just doesn't come around for a while
easy to be in the same room
easy to be in the same room as a step b!tch.... you ignore her and pretend she's not there...