We are in a situation where bm is telling my step kids they are allowed to love me or even talk to me when they are at mine and my fiances home.. What can we do please help..
I'm going to guess you mean BM is saying they are NOT allowed to do those things.
Anyway, what do you do? You do nothing. Your SO tells his kids that he makes the rules in his home, and they are certainly allowed to talk to you when they are in his care. If he feels like getting into a confrontation about it with BM, then he can, but it probably wouldn't do anything but stir up more problems.
Yes and he has told them that and they say no.because they are so scared of there mom..she is a person who will play dirty and is never wrong..she tried to break us up because she saw how happy we all were as a family.. Now she is trying to turn the kids against me.. What person does this?
Yes manipulating her kids for her own personal gain is childish.. She is just jealous her ex found a good woman and now has a house with her and our big blended family.. She needs to grow up and move on with her life and leave us alone..
You do nothing. She's turing her children into those miserable disrespect liars and she will call your DH daily to complain about it or at least that our BM did and still does. Skids have become pathological liars and they will lie about everything to her even about things are not worth lying...Sad!!!
I went through the same thing with my step son when my husband and I were dating. He called his step dad his real dad and told me his mother said he cannot call me a nickname he made up for me since he was 2. He had to call me by my real name. I accepted it but I will say it has caused a lot of resentment in me, and it hasn't gotten any better. He is now lying to his dad making up stuff every time we pass in the hallway with out witnesses. He is well versed, because of his mother, on bad language so he will go to his dad and say I called him the (pick a letter here) word. It always causes problems because right away my husband will take his side. I am afraid of his son because of all the drama he causes when he is here. I try to get out with my kids as much as possible. You need to make sure this does not end up dividing you and your fiance and try to put a stop to it as quickly as possible.
Oh hell no. No one gets any say in what a kid calls you other than you. For damned sure no ended family opposition BM or BioDad gets a say in it. They get no say in shit for anything regarding YOUR home, YOUR marriage, YOUR family, and that includes anything to do with YOUR relationship with YOUR step children.
We dealt with two related incidents during our 16+ years living under a Custody/Support/Visitation CO.
Sperm GrandHag took exception to my SS calling me Dad(dy) which is what he chose to call me since before he was 2yo. His mom and I met and started dating when SS-23 was 15mos old and we married the week before he turned 2yo. The first time SS was ~4-5yo and the second time he was ~8-9yo.
The first time SS came home from visitation with “(GrandHag) says your not my real daddy and I can’t call you daddy.”
Since we had always been open about the whole BioDad, StepDad, REAL dad thing he heard an updated version of what he had always heard regarding this topic.
“Son, you know that a BioDad is the dad that made you with your mom. And you know that a Step Dad is the dad that is married to your mom. You also know what a REAL dad is. A REAL dad is the dad that goes to work every day to make sure the family has a nice place to live, a safe neighborhood to live in, good schools for you to go to, good food for the family to eat, and safe cars to drive in. A REAL dad is the dad that tucks you in at night and reads bedtime stories with you, teaches you to tie your shoes, use the toilet, teaches you to read and write, coaches your baseball team, your swim team, teaches you to ride your bike. A REAL dad is a dad that loves you and your mom very much.”
His response summed up his thoughts on the whole topic.
“Dad, a StepDad sounds like a REAL dad to me. Can we go outside and play?”
The second incident was similar though more limited.
After returning from Sperm Land visitation he has a couple of very quiet days and then sits down on the sofa next to me for a convo. “Dad, (GrandHag) does not want me to call you dad.” At which point I told him no one can tell him what he can call me except for me and if he no longer wants to call me dad like he has done since before he was 2yo I told him that his only other choice was to call me “Mr. Lastname”.
He thought about it for about 10secs then said. “Dad works. I will stick with dad.”
Kids are smart. They know who their REAL parents are and who the toxic morons in their lives are if there are any.
No one decides what any of your children will call you except for you. Regardless of kid biology.
As for your DF facilitating and supporting your Skid’s manipulative bullshit …. GAME OVER!!!! Next time DF does anything but immediately jerk a knot in the tail of his toxic spawn for his manipulations and attempts to get daddy to rescue him from you the mean and evil SM hit the number for the locksmith on your speed dial and tell them to come rekey the locks immediately. DF and his toxic crotch nugget have until the locksmith arrives to get their shit and get out.
Grrrrrr!!! You need to grab DF by a big old hairy handfull of short and curlies and maybe one or both testicles and give him some clarity. That shit should not happen in a marriage/adult commited relationship .... EVER. He supports you or he and his spawn go live under the local overpass.
I'm going to guess you mean
I'm going to guess you mean BM is saying they are NOT allowed to do those things.
Anyway, what do you do? You do nothing. Your SO tells his kids that he makes the rules in his home, and they are certainly allowed to talk to you when they are in his care. If he feels like getting into a confrontation about it with BM, then he can, but it probably wouldn't do anything but stir up more problems.
Yes and he has told them that
Yes and he has told them that and they say no.because they are so scared of there mom..she is a person who will play dirty and is never wrong..she tried to break us up because she saw how happy we all were as a family.. Now she is trying to turn the kids against me.. What person does this?
Yes manipulating her kids for
Yes manipulating her kids for her own personal gain is childish.. She is just jealous her ex found a good woman and now has a house with her and our big blended family.. She needs to grow up and move on with her life and leave us alone..
You do nothing. She's turing
You do nothing. She's turing her children into those miserable disrespect liars and she will call your DH daily to complain about it or at least that our BM did and still does. Skids have become pathological liars and they will lie about everything to her even about things are not worth lying...Sad!!!
A.
I went through the same thing
I went through the same thing with my step son when my husband and I were dating. He called his step dad his real dad and told me his mother said he cannot call me a nickname he made up for me since he was 2. He had to call me by my real name. I accepted it but I will say it has caused a lot of resentment in me, and it hasn't gotten any better. He is now lying to his dad making up stuff every time we pass in the hallway with out witnesses. He is well versed, because of his mother, on bad language so he will go to his dad and say I called him the (pick a letter here) word. It always causes problems because right away my husband will take his side. I am afraid of his son because of all the drama he causes when he is here. I try to get out with my kids as much as possible. You need to make sure this does not end up dividing you and your fiance and try to put a stop to it as quickly as possible.
Oh hell no. No one gets any
Oh hell no. No one gets any say in what a kid calls you other than you. For damned sure no ended family opposition BM or BioDad gets a say in it. They get no say in shit for anything regarding YOUR home, YOUR marriage, YOUR family, and that includes anything to do with YOUR relationship with YOUR step children.
We dealt with two related incidents during our 16+ years living under a Custody/Support/Visitation CO.
Sperm GrandHag took exception to my SS calling me Dad(dy) which is what he chose to call me since before he was 2yo. His mom and I met and started dating when SS-23 was 15mos old and we married the week before he turned 2yo. The first time SS was ~4-5yo and the second time he was ~8-9yo.
The first time SS came home from visitation with “(GrandHag) says your not my real daddy and I can’t call you daddy.”
Since we had always been open about the whole BioDad, StepDad, REAL dad thing he heard an updated version of what he had always heard regarding this topic.
“Son, you know that a BioDad is the dad that made you with your mom. And you know that a Step Dad is the dad that is married to your mom. You also know what a REAL dad is. A REAL dad is the dad that goes to work every day to make sure the family has a nice place to live, a safe neighborhood to live in, good schools for you to go to, good food for the family to eat, and safe cars to drive in. A REAL dad is the dad that tucks you in at night and reads bedtime stories with you, teaches you to tie your shoes, use the toilet, teaches you to read and write, coaches your baseball team, your swim team, teaches you to ride your bike. A REAL dad is a dad that loves you and your mom very much.”
His response summed up his thoughts on the whole topic.
“Dad, a StepDad sounds like a REAL dad to me. Can we go outside and play?”
The second incident was similar though more limited.
After returning from Sperm Land visitation he has a couple of very quiet days and then sits down on the sofa next to me for a convo. “Dad, (GrandHag) does not want me to call you dad.” At which point I told him no one can tell him what he can call me except for me and if he no longer wants to call me dad like he has done since before he was 2yo I told him that his only other choice was to call me “Mr. Lastname”.
He thought about it for about 10secs then said. “Dad works. I will stick with dad.”
Kids are smart. They know who their REAL parents are and who the toxic morons in their lives are if there are any.
No one decides what any of your children will call you except for you. Regardless of kid biology.
As for your DF facilitating and supporting your Skid’s manipulative bullshit …. GAME OVER!!!! Next time DF does anything but immediately jerk a knot in the tail of his toxic spawn for his manipulations and attempts to get daddy to rescue him from you the mean and evil SM hit the number for the locksmith on your speed dial and tell them to come rekey the locks immediately. DF and his toxic crotch nugget have until the locksmith arrives to get their shit and get out.
Grrrrrr!!! You need to grab DF by a big old hairy handfull of short and curlies and maybe one or both testicles and give him some clarity. That shit should not happen in a marriage/adult commited relationship .... EVER. He supports you or he and his spawn go live under the local overpass.