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Parenting Time HELP!!!

callmemyname's picture

Submitted by callmemyname on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 8:23am

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Parenting Issues

My fiance has a 4YO son with BM. BM is an EMT and works 2-3 24hr shifts a week and is away from son, he stays with her mom, his grandma. Is my fiance entitled to that time with him since she is not with him??? We beg and beg her to let us have him when she works and she never tells us, even though we know her work schedule. What can we do?? Please help!! We have talked to a lawyer and he says she should be offering him to us but she isn't!

MrsStepMom's picture

Submitted by MrsStepMom on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 8:43am

Depends on the CO. If it says he has first right of refusal then yes, otherwise no.

 

Also, DO NOT marry him. Being a step parent is misery. It will always be misery. Get out while you can.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 8:50am

That this SC thing is never going to be good.  First Question. How is your BF going to take care of his son 24 a day.  BF doesn’t work ?  BM does not want you taking care of her son, and she is right .  You are basically nothing, just a GF, sorry to tell you that.  But look at it from her view 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 9:19am

All depends on the CO. Then it depends on if you hold her in contempt. 

Yes I agree the kid should PROBABLY be with you.

DH is an EMT, he does have his 24 hours shifts or sometimes nights. However the kids stay with me becuase 1) BM is a Psychopathic druggie who doesn't even keep the kids herself when it's her visitations. of the 4 days she has them a month for weekend visitation she seems them MAYBE a few hours, during which she mostly ignores them (according to SD10). 2) It's nice for the girls not to have to be shifted all over the place, helps keep their reality more stable.

I don't know how far BM lives from you. But is her mom super close and you guys are further away? That could affect where he goes?

Just a thought. But as far as it goes. unless the ROFR is in the CO. It doesn't matter what your DH would like (unfortunately) all that goes is what she decides to do on her time with him. Even if that's ditching him somewhere else. (we face the same thing. psycho ditches the girls with her brother, a friend, or her sister EVERY visit. Gets frustrating. But we ultimately can't control it.)

callmemyname's picture

Submitted by callmemyname on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 12:40pm

I am not saying I have any rights. I'm saying the FATHER should have rights over GRANDMOTHER. If parent isnt going to be wiht child, ESPECIALLY OVERNIGHT, the other parent should get the child! If grandma wanted a kid to take care of, she could have had one! But BM doesn't care about anyone but herself!

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 12:46pm

But will Dad be with the child all day? Or will it be you? If it's you, then Dad should have the kid overnight, and he stays with GMA during the day. 

Unless you get a ROFR as the others said, she can leave the kid with whomever she pleases on her time.

callmemyname's picture

Submitted by callmemyname on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 12:52pm

What is ROFR? Sorry. New to the lingo. All I know is that they have joint LEGAL and she has PRIMARY physical. We have him 6/14 days, legally. Though typically more when she dumps him on us. She has no problem with me watching the son, as I ahve before for her, multiple times, because she had to work and dad had a game (he coaches HS basketball in the winter). Parenting time guidelines state that she is supposed to offer him their son when she is going to be away from him. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 3:18pm

ROFR is Right of First Refusal, meaning just what you said in your last sentence.  Are those "guidelines" or are they in your Court Order?

callmemyname's picture

Submitted by callmemyname on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 1:21pm

No where in OP did I say that. I'm trying to help my fiance see his son as much as possible. WHy is everyone making me out to be a lesser person for that?????

TrueNorth77's picture

Submitted by TrueNorth77 on Wed, 04/24/2019 - 1:23pm

It's not everyone, it's just STaround, and that's what she does. Just disregard.

It looks like you have Right of First Refusal in your Custody Agreement- which means BM is supposed to be offering SS to your SO before she offers him to someone else. You just need to see if it's enforcable, if you can file contempt on her for not doing it. That being said, she may not have to offer him to your SO if you will be the one watching him part of the time (If your SO has to work, etc).

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 12:54pm

Your BF just needs to file himself. Don't worry about an attorney. 

I seriously can't see a judge telling a father he can't have visitation while the mother is working 24 hr shifts and the child is going to grandparents’ house. 

However, if it isn't in the current order that he get that time, no she doesn't have to tell him or offer him anything. Technically what she is doing isn't "wrong" - even though, let’s get real- it is!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 1:42pm

No. It's her time and she is entitled to allowing someone else to exercise her visitation in her place. The fact it's the childs grandparents will make it even harder to take it away from her.

Some orders will include rights of first refusal but alot of courts are getting away from those. They have a high chance of just causing more conflict becuase now you've got a child spying for you to ensure BM follows the rules. You have parents who manipulate the orders to get their way. It just turns nasty. If you HAVE to have a court order for parents to "do the right thing" it won't be the fix you hope it to be.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 5:32pm

Miss.....Here is the deal.

Overnights equal money. How many overnights bm has REALLY matters in child support awards. IF bm were to give UP any overnights she may get less $$$ from your boyfriend.

Do you really think she is going to give UP her money because she thinks her child should be in the loving care of bio dad? If she thought the child should be with bio dad she would not be giving granny the child.

Now if she was a good mom, she and your boyfriend could have worked all this out without going to court and without exchanging child support. Sounds like your boyfriend wants his child to have more time with him.

So, go back into court..YOU SHOULD NOT GO ...and dad can file for a more balanced visitation schedule for both his x and he.

Hopefully you noticed I suggested for you to stay out of court during hearings etc. Judges tend to dislike the girlfriend in audience.  STAY CLEAR.

No you dont have to 'support him" he can do this all by himself.

Please dont push boyfriend into this. He may not want to do anything.\ You can also go on child support calculator and punch in numbers to see what may change IF anything.

Good Luck...It would be wonderful if everything worked out smoothly and bm would say "I would be happy to allow child to stay with you biodad"...THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!

 

 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Wed, 04/24/2019 - 9:21am

Does over nights equal money for OP? In our state it the numbers of over nights means nothing. If an person pays they pay the same amount weather they have the kid 3 nights a week or never see their child except on holidays.