And they wonder why we disengage!
Let me start off with wishing all of you ladies a happy Mother's Day!
That said, not even so much as a text from HHB wishing such to me. Not that I expected her to acknowledge me at all for Mother's Day...but it just speaks to how she sees me. I got good wishes from my bios (well, BS20 is home for summer break, but BD24 also texted...we talk for some 2 hours every week), BS20's friends texted me good wishes, and several of my friends sent good wishes. You read that right...I got text from my bio's FRIENDS, and nothing from HHB! Pretty sad that I get treated better by "kids" I only saw here and there the last 10 years than I do by one I basically helped raise 15 of her 16 years!
Prom was last night, but you could tell HHB was acting like it was HER prom rather than her girlfriend's prom! Hello...it is the SENIOR prom...not the sophomore prom! You are the ESCORT! I don't care if you are both girls...that is your place! I'm waiting to see the fallout, because you know there will be!
And our DH's wonder why we disengage! Just open your eyes guys! Look at how your daughters are treating us!
Even if you aren't their
Even if you aren't their mom...if you were an influence in their lives, it is nice to acknowledge at least that much! My step-mom had no part in raising me. She married my dad when I was 20; however, I have called her every Mother's Day since to wish her such! Sad thing is, I actually get along better with her than I do my own mother...but that is a very long story. My mom and I haven't talked for several years. I don't know why, other than it started when my grandmother moved in with her. I will admit my family has issues...and I will not hesitate to say my grandmother is at the root of them! She claimed to disown me when my daughter was born because I had a mixed-race child...she is very racist. This is the same woman (grandma) who went into her second marriage with two kids from her first, had three kids with her second husband, and when they divorced, she left with only her two kids from the first marriage and hardly contacted her other children! Strangely enough, two of those kids...my aunts...have tracked me down in the last couple of years and we get along great! All that said...I will still call my mom every Mother's Day! She won't answer, but let's it go to VM. I leave her a message and tell her I love her. I don't have to...like I said, we haven't talked in about 10 years...but I still do it. If she died tomorrow, at least she will know that I did care!
And like I said...my son's friends texted me happy Mother's Day! I'm not their mom! Over the years, I may have given them rides somewhere, ordered pizza for them while they hung out at our house for a sleep over, or picked on them for something silly they let my son talk them into doing. That's it! They still say happy Mother's Day!
Like I said...didn't expect to hear anything from HHB...but her lack of text speaks volumes! So next time DH tried to say I need to try to have a relationship with the girl or accuses my of not caring, he needs to be reminded of this!
I want to hear back from you
I want to hear back from you that her dress split open and she was caught with weed. }:)
~ Moon
But it seriously shouldn't be
But it seriously shouldn't be that way! That isn't the way so many of us were raised! My parents divorced when I was 5. Mom got primary custody, but my dad was still very active in my life! My mom remarried, and it was expected that he had the same authority in outr house as mom for the most part. I was to respect him! If he said the trash needed to go out, I took it out. If he was the one who was home instead of mom when I wanted to go to a friend's house, I had to ask permission from him and if he said no, it meant no. We didn't live in times of cell phones where we could just text our bio parent and ask! Mom was the manager of a retail store, so unless it was an emergency, I better not call her at work!
In the same token, he went to my band concerts, my basketball games, and my track meets. So did dad! Granted, I had a strange situation where my dad and step-dad got along. Dad didn't remarry until I was an adult...not because of me, but rather he was being quite more picky having two failed marriages under his belt by 35 (he was married before mom...no kids...she was supposedly a bit of a psycho). However, had he remarried when I was younger, I would have been required to show her respect as well!
If I got into trouble, mom layer down the law. If it was big trouble, she would call dad and they would discuss before punishment was laid out. Depending on what I did, my step-dad was also going to say his peace, and mom would back him up! I still remember one time mom and I being sooooo mad at each other we weren't talking. This went on for 3 days before my step-dad had enough, and got involved in the situation.
When I got married, my dad was unfortunately not able to travel to come give me away. He was financially strapped at the time...he is a musician and the gigs were in one of their dry spells...so he had to survive on the money he earned from his handful of music students. It was said that my dad and step-dad talked on the phone the night before...dad being very upset about not making the wedding! He told my step-dad, "You give OUR daughter away tomorrow!" And honestly, the original plan was that BOTH my dad and step-dad were going to give me away, because they both helped to raise me!
But it isn't that way any looks at things these days! Nope...these folks expect us to help get their kids what they want, but we aren't allowed to have any say in how we or our homes are treated! "Oh, skid signed up for this activity, and since you work from home, she will need you to pick her up at noon each day of August!"..."What do you mean you won't do it? Why can't you treat her like you treat your own kids?! WE are a family in this house!!!" Yet, when the kid lies to my face and trashes my house...."You can't come down on her like that! You scared her!"...only used stern voice..."No, I think taking her phone away for lying is too harsh. Just stay out of it!!! I will have a talk with her and it will be fine."
You have no idea how lucky
You have no idea how lucky you are to have your dad and step dad in your life! Both sound pretty great.
Yes, I was very lucky! But my
Yes, I was very lucky! But my parents didn't divorce because they didn't like each other. Mom is 10 years younger than dad. When the "honeymoon" wore off, they realized they didn't have a lot in common, and the love they had for each other was more like just good friends. They split in full agreement about everything...including the fact that being good parents to me was top priority! My step-dad also has a son from his first marriage. We happen to be only 2 months apart, and knew each other from school before we were formally introduced to each other's parent. We got along okay...really only saw each other in passing as I went to my dad for visits and he came to visit with his dad. We do still talk, and we consider the other a sibling.
People used to think it crazy that my dad and step-dad became friends...but why not? My dad wasn't after my mom, so my step-dad had no reason to fear him. It was in my best interest for them to get along. I was fortunate that mom chose men in her life that actually understood what was important, and didn't spend life in some pissing contest because they happened to have been in love with the same woman at different times in her life!
EXACTLY. I've actually
EXACTLY.
I've actually wondered how many of our DH's married us because they were truly in love, and how many just were clueless of what to do with a house and a bunch of kids, and they needed HELP.
I did the job of SD's mother
I did the job of SD's mother for 13 years. She finally got to meet her psycho mommie last year. I hope that she sent her mom something...at the very least a text. I didn't get anything and didn't expect anything. It's all good....she is a piece of the past, not my future.
Not that I expected her to
Not that I expected her to acknowledge me at all for Mother's Day...but it just speaks to how she sees me.
You cannot stand this girl, why do you care that she does not acknowledge you for Mother's Day?
She sees you as her dad's wife, which is what you are. I have not read everything you have ever written about her, but from what I have read, I gather that you don't care to be a mother figure to her, so what's the problem?
The problem is that DH still
The problem is that DH still expects me to try to have a relationship with this girl! I tried...I really did! For goodness sake, I used to change this kid's diapers! I helped potty train her. For years, I'm the one who did the shopping for her gifts because DH had no clue what she wanted, and I did (cause I paid attention)! All I ever got in return for any nice thing I had ever done was attitude and disrespect! So what I'm saying here is, when DH wonders why I will always just be his wife as far as HHB is concerned, he will now be reminded, "Seriously? We are talking about the girl who can't even take two seconds out of her day to text a happy Mother's Day!" In other words, here is yet another example of why I disengaged!
DH knows nothing about HHB...seriously! I caught a glance on my newsfeed on Facebook of something DH posted in response to something HHB posted. It was a "how well you know me" quiz. The first thing on the list was "jeans or yoga pants". DH answered jeans, and I'm thinking, "WTH? This is the girl who lives in yoga pants when she isn't wearing leggings as pants! How much money did we waste on jeans she wouldn't wear? And you answer that she prefers jeans?!" Of the things listed, DH only got like 1 right, which HHB confirmed later! These were the kinds of things parents should kmow about their kid...preferred color, preferred thing to drink, preferred season, etc. Just shows how clueless DH is when it comes to HHB!