First post....my story

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This is my first try at this, so I hope I'm doing this correctly and I'm in the correct place. I just needed to share my recent story with people that can relate. I am a stepdad to two teenage kids. One is 18 year old male and the other just turned 17, female. I have my own daughter who is 18 and not living with me. Approximately, 3 months ago, my SD accused me of sexual abuse after she got caught with her boyfriend that she had been told many times that she could not see him. The boyfriend is a dangerous kid that has the past to prove that. This was the third time she had been caught with him after her mother and I had disciplined her for the previous two times. The police were called, and they pulled them over in his car late on this particular night. This is where my life changed for the worse!!!!!. She began spilling out horrible lies to the police about me. Her mother, my wife, was out of town for a week visiting her parents when this all went down. After a quick 8 week investigation, it was closed. NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE!!. I guess I'm not innocent, just couldn't get enough evidence,They couldn't get one piece of evidence. I have raised this girl since she was 3. Everyone knows she was and still is lying, including her mother, her father, and her brother, my stepson, As they all stated this to the investigators. However, my relationship with my wife is coming to a horrible end and I will always have these emotional scars to deal with. I cannot find it in myself to even think about being around this girl ever again. She continues to manipulate her mother and I can see it so easy. I understand the mother daughter relationship, and I can't expect the mom to abandon her daughter. However, I have completely shut off all financial support for the girl, and my wife can't understand why I don't have that unconditional love for my SD, and just forgive her and keep things going like before. She is in counseling and has been even before this situation. Much more to this scheme that I did not mention

OMG Homealone. I am so

OMG Homealone. I am so sorry.

That is way messed up. I have no advice, just empathy. Many men have nearly had their lives ruined because of some stupid little girl who was pissed off about this or that, and had no idea the ripple effect that these types of accusations cause. It changes the course of people's lives forever.

My niece did this to my brother in law years ago because he cut her off financially when she was 20 years old. He figured she was old enough to become self sufficient and stop living off of his dime. Next thing he knows, cops are banging on his door. His case was eventually closed, also, but not before major damage was done. He lost his job. My niece to this day can't figure out why he doesn't get excited to see her or her kids. Idiot. She ruined everything.

(((( hugs ))))

You aren't Jesus and don't

You aren't Jesus and don't have to love anyone unconditionally. And she wants to tell big girl lies, she can get a big girl job. Explain to your wife that you have a daughter and you've done your part, you love her but you won't be destroyed by ANYONES lies. This happened to a friend of mine. If he hasn't been in jail the night that 16 yo girl lied when she was caught smiling pot, he would've been on prison Not worth being stamped as a chomo or pedi.

False accusations scare and

False accusations scare and piss off the hell out of me. All it takes is one lie to end a solid reputation for life, especially when it concerns child abuse. Great that none of your or your wife's relatives believe it, but nonetheless, that's an awful thing to do.
I would not be able to share the same house with that girl; that doesn't mean the marriage had to end, but I would leave or make her leave.
Wish you all the best!

Thank y'all, so much!!! I

Thank y'all, so much!!! I guess I have gotten a little soft as I age. I can't stop from getting a little misty eyed. However, my wife left yesterday after a big disagreement about money for her children. I am fortunate to make a good living and have raised both step kids in a great lifestyle. We are going to divorce, I am a little scared of what might come up in that divorce when I stop paying for them. I just can't find it in my heart to continue to pay for a load of expenses for this girl anymore. I am afraid that series might change as the divorce moves along out of spite. She tried to commit suicide about 3 weeks ago, but what she did would not kill her. Now it seems as if she has everyone right where she wants them. She is very passive aggressive and a great manipulator. I am the only one that will not play into her manipulation. And I cannot allow her to do this and continue to live a upscale life with my money. She wants me gone, and at the same time, she wants all the financial rewards that I have provided her over her life. Not going to eat the cake too!!! i don't feel safe in my home anymore, I push furniture against the doors, she has screwed my head up. Again thanks to everyone that replied, first time to really communicate to anyone about this. And just to hear the support from people helps sooooo much. Damn it!, why is this happening more and more today?. Thank you

Sorry, but if your wife left

Sorry, but if your wife left because of money, she doesn't deserve your love.

Sounds like SD has borderline

Sounds like SD has borderline personality disorder. I'm so sorry for you. My niece did this to my brother in law. What a nightmare. You sound like a great guy. You will be better off without them, as hard as it seems now.

My SD was caught having sex

My SD was caught having sex when she was around 13. She didn't want to get in trouble and said the boy was raping her. His life was destroyed. He was prosecuted. She admitted this after 25 years. Ruin someone else's life to avoid getting in trouble. Selfish bitch. Narcissistic, sociopathic brat!
Also, my father (whom I love and respect) was accused of touching my half sister (different BM than I) inappropriately while bathing her when she was a baby. I was 3 months pregnant with my first son (the crazy BM of my half-sister is much younger than my dad) and had to go to the police department because the stupid whore told the police that he had molested me! That never happened and he was cleared of any wrongdoing.
I'm very sorry for you. I have no advice but wanted to offer these 2 stories so you don't feel alone. Good luck to you.

Homealone, it is a pretty

Homealone, it is a pretty common stance around here that once a skid pulls a false accusation that results in CPS or other investigation, the stepparent bars the home to that kid. You will find a lot of support for that here.

I would do the same. Anytime you bring cops and social workers into my home, you are out of my life. That would be de rigeur for the kid. Then I would turn my attention to the spouse: do I still want YOU in my life? If the spouse's response to the investigation is terrible or their actions before hand led up to it, I would kick that spouse out of my life, no looking back.

Your wife is absolutely out of her mind if she thinks you should just "love" and support a 17 year old who did this to you. That young woman is well old enough to understand what she did.

Don't coddle your wife's "feelings" in this matter. Tell her there's no discussion and if she doesn't prove her support to you and make it worth your while to stay in this relationship you are done with her.

OK, now I see your wife

OK, now I see your wife already left. Good riddance. Hire an exorcist to rid your home of the evil that was them. Sometimes it can take years to see someone's true character. You have finally seen your wife's. Batten down the hatches, never let her back into your life again.

I am so, so sorry you've been

I am so, so sorry you've been victimized and betrayed this way. And it sounds as if you aren't getting the support you deserve.

Some sessions with a therapist would be great for you. Imagine having someone you could talk to who is there just for you and could help you sort out your feelings and help you decide what your next step should be.

You need to think only of yourself right now. I agree with No saint completely that living under the same roof as that evil SD would be untenable for me. It's also dangerous, as who's to say she wont try something similar again? Protect yourself at all cost.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts Homealone. Please let us know how things go for you.

ETA: I read your update about divorcing your wife because she wants you to continue bankrolling herself and your abuser. Good for you! You've been treated very badly by the very people you've loved and worked hard to support. What a bunch of morally bankrupt losers. I hope they end up living in a cardboard box under a bridge.

This!!!!

I am so, so sorry this

I am so, so sorry this happened to you, unfortunately there is somewhat of a witch hunt mentality when it comes to sexual abuse, there is no other reasoning all these false accusations these days. For your own safety and future, you absolutely cannot live under the same roof as this girl. Truly awful. God bless and best of luck.

I'm sorry for all you are

I'm sorry for all you are going through. It sounds like your SD is in need of a major evaluation by a mental health professional. Your wife should have your back in this, as well as helping her daughter. I agree it's not your responsibility at all to take care of her.

I cannot tell you how many

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the cry "wolf"...Not enough evidence and getting away with false accusations would not be enough...I would make her accountable for her behavior and make her take a lie detector test and tell her you are going to sue her for slander....There needs to be consequences for this type of bs...If there were more people who would step up to the plate and make them accountable....maybe it wouldn't happen as often...It's just wrong that you have to settle for not being found guilty...

She crossed a line...and no one can dissolve the doubt she put in a lot of other people's minds about your character...I would not let her get away with it without some type of major consequence...Think of it as a "teachable" moment...I would call a lawyer..She is an adult now, and needs to take responsibility for herself...and what she has done...Look at all the other people's lives she has intruded upon...the investigators, the police, whoever else who had to be inconvenienced by her actions...The trust she damaged crying wolf when the real victims encounter a situation...the example she set for other girls to gain power by crying wolf.....The personal damage to your reputation amongst friends and family...the damage to your marriage...It just doesn't seem right that there are absolutely no consequences for making false allegations that have such serious consequences...You have rights too....peace

I believe 17 is not

I believe 17 is not considerer adult legal age in the US.

How will a mother ever be

How will a mother ever be able to be without their daughter? My wife came over yesterday to get clothes, and I was able to finally let all my pain come out. I have been holding on to it from the beginning. I have waiting for the last three months, when the SD did this to me, to see if she would come snap out of it and show true remorse and admit her wrongdoing. She has been with her father since that horrible day, and I have continued to pay for all of her expenses. We put her in a program called "FINS" family in need of services. We did this because of her decision making processes and are inability to trust her actions, not because of what she did to me. This was something that we had discussed prior, and it seems to be a good program, very strict. My wife's daily routine for the last three months is getting up, picking her up from school, driving around or whatever for about 5 hours until her father gets home. I have tried to allow the process to happen in hopes she would turn. I would rarely ask about my situation to my wife, instead, I would simply ask how she was doing in general. However, as she continued to see her counselor, participate in the FINS program, etc. I never noticed any change. Knowing that the only way we could end up together was for the SD to admit what she did and ask for everyones forgiveness. As time went on, I got the feeling that my wife really didn't want to talk about the SD's changes in regards to my situation. As I mentioned before, about 3 weeks ago she tried to commit suicide, the reasons why, again, continued to be the fault of others and was transferred to a psychiatric unit. My wife did share with me that she told the counselor in that unit that she, ALL OF THE SUDDEN, started having nightmares about me. I honestly could not believe that she continued to not only blame others for everything, she was blaming others for her suicide attempt, but was still throwing lies out about me. I really was so upset, but I didn't show it very much too my wife. I just kept holding out that she would see what she has done and we could all be ok again. Over these last three weeks, my wife and her family, have all seemed to start the process of blaming things other than the SD. The main thing was a acne medicine she had Ben taking for only three months at a low dosage. Accutane is the name of the medicine, and it is a bad deal for some. But as we know today, every kids gets braces and every kid cannot have ONE blemish on their face. I researched this medicine, all well knowing she knew exactly what she was doing. After my research, I felt certain that my wife and her family were searching for a excuse other than excepting the truth about her daughter. I think that is probably a natural human reaction when it has to do with your child. However, the pain inside my heart was continuing to go, seemingly, unnoticed. Without going into every detail that shows how obviously planned and schemed every action taken by the SD and her boyfriend were from the beginning, my wife just doesn't, or does, but doesn't want to admit it. Now she wants to place blame on something other than her daughter. So that's where we are now as for as the SD. Again, yesterday, I unloaded all of my feelings to my wife that I have held onto in hopes things would change. I probably should have done that sooner, maybe it could have helped. My wife continues to say she has supported me thru all of this. For some reason, knowing she was lying and telling the truth does not seem to me as a great deal of support. How and why, can she think she has supported me? And I might be wrong, I might have to high expectations from my wife? I don't know. What about y'all?. People only want your opinion, if it agrees with theirs, I'm not that way, I need good advice, whether you agree or not? Again thanks to everyone. This really helps!!!

Yours is a tricky situation.

Yours is a tricky situation. May I ask what more you expected from your wife that she didn't deliver?

I don't want anyone to think

I don't want anyone to think that I do not appreciate all of the comments and advice. My last comment might have come across wrong. I just know we all can become so hard sometimes because of these situation, that it might cloud our own judgement. Thats all I was saying. Thanks

Yes, I guess the way I was

Yes, I guess the way I was feeling was that I was the outcast. Even tho everyone knew from the beginning it was all lies. I felt I needed more communication about the SD's feelings as she was going thru all of the counseling, etc. it just seemed as if that family went into a "circle the wagons" mentality, and my wagon was not in the circle. her inability to see that her daughter was just plain wrong, instead of trying to blame anything and everything else kinda hurt as well. I guess there is just not much she could do really. I felt I was the victim, but felt like I was treated as the outcast. And the SD WAS TREATED AS THE VICTIM!. And she continues to pull the strings with my wife.

My wife knows the truth

My wife knows the truth because all of the accusations that the SD mentioned, my wife knew about each one. Example, one accusation, I forced my SD to sleep in the same bed with me when her and I took a trip to see my bio. daughter. That particular time, the SD had pink eye and was in a lot of pain. We ordered room service, watched a movie. I was on the phone with my wife the whole time because of the pink eye. The SD fell asleep and I told my wife that I didn't think I should wake her up because she was in pain. My wife knew this and we talked late into the night. It was never a discussion about anything to do with doing something wrong in regards to a sexual matter. I raised this girl since 3. She was my daughter as far as i felt. But just a few months later, that was one of the lies. Made me sick!

We have always taken these

We have always taken these trips together and just her and I. And she was always so excited to go. Why she would continue to want to go with me if I handbell doing the things is beyond me.

And you are right, not being

And you are right, not being prosecuted is the most important. I never even talked to the investigators, they came to my door, but i was informed by my attorney to not talk. Case was closed

Homealone, you spend all this

Homealone, you spend all this money for every body else, spend some on yourself. Get a good counselor to help you with the grief and outrage and abandonment and betrayal you so rightly feel. And stay away from your soon to be ex-wife.

It is not that you expected too much from her. It is she who is EXTRACTING way too much from you. She wants you to have no boundaries. You have already gone way beyond what most people would. You supplied all that attention and financial support and the girl stabbed you in the back, nearly RUINING EVERY SINGLE THING IN YOUR LIFE. All you're asking for is that your wife acknowledge that and that she support your stopping the bloodletting. THAT IN NO WAY IS TOO MUCH TO ASK.

This transition phase will be emotional and traumatic. Get professional help for that in order to free you from seeking any more emotional satisfaction or closure from your wife. You will never get it from her.

Thank you for that, I plan on

Thank you for that, I plan on getting some help, I agree!. Money has never been an issue, I spend money on me as well as others. One question for everyone, does my wife actually not see that her daughter is doing all of this so she can do and get what she wants?, or does she she it, but will not admit it. I know most here are not pro's, just want y'all's opinion. Thank you

She knew her daughter was

She knew her daughter was lying. She told the police so. That says a lot right there about how much she knows. What she's willing to admit to herself is another question but not your problem. Your problem is KEEPING YOURSELF OUT OF JAIL.

That is a whole different scale of priority.

There's also a very strong likelihood that some of your sd's traits are inherited from mom. Mom may very well be manipulating YOU to get what she wants. She may have moved out in order to make you come crawling back because she knows you're soft-hearted and love her and also love the kids.

Many of us here have been manipulated by spouses. It is terrible to realize at first. But the only thing worse than realizing it is not realizing it.

If none of the above is true, your wife is simply a terrible mother and wife who has no idea how to parent that kid or to love you. So either way, your answer looks the same to me: run to your future without this spider web clinging to you.

Also, do your future partner a favor. Cut the ties and do your emotional work to be at peace with yourself so you can be fully present to a new partner some time in the future and not inflict all this ugly swampy drama on her.

Damn straight, very

Damn straight, very informative and helpful., am done with this. Because I have been blessed financially, And and other reasons, I have made sure my assets are protected. I can't find it in myself to give much in the upcoming divorce, solely for the reason, that this girl not only did what she did, but mainly because she continues to turn the knife. I just can't

Thanks to everyone, I am

Thanks to everyone, I am moving on and not looking back, I will keep everyone informed of what happens. I came to this site which sceptic ism. However, this has been a really good thing. So thank you to everyone. I'm not young anymore, and I am a little scared to move on by myself, but being a little scared is a good thing sometimes. It will work out and all be ok, at least that is my attitude moving forward. God I pray that our children don't continue to be this way. Something is way wrong today with our society when these types of problems become the norm. Again thank you. I will be back soon with a update.

Please do come back and keep

Please do come back and keep us updated. What you went through is pretty much the ultimate stepparent problem so of course we are all interested.

We have several members who have gone through false CPS investigations and so forth. So you are in a really good community of people who speak the language and know the scenery. We all wish you well.

Lawyer up. And break contact

Lawyer up. And break contact during divorce. She'll try to weasel her way in after she realizes you're not going back and begging for her. I'd change your number, the locks, etc. Especially since she left. Right now - you're about protecting you and your mental state. So keep them all out. BE STRONG! Good Luck.

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