Is it normal to resent maybe even hate your skids??
Ok same thing from my previous post....my dh and i just got into yet another argument over situation with my ss10. We aren't able to get a house(staying with my parents now) because of the Child support on my dh's history unless bm signs off and says she will not now or ever persue child support from us. We are still paying and will be helping her in every way we can...we just want this off his history so we can have a home....our bd1 doesn't have any room to play or have anything and it is all because of my dh's past. This isn't the first time that this has effected our lives either. It bothers me when dh calls my ss "his son" because they DON'T have a relationship since bm kept my ss away from my dh for nearly 5 years, it makes me literally sick at my stomach at times to think about it or my ss10. We see my ss maybe once or twice in a two to three month period....we live about 4 hours away from him. Why do I resent everything this kid does? I am sure his selfish little actions are normal for a kid but it just drives me crazy. He will call us only when he wants something or says to us when you come get me do I get "my prize"! UGH!Makes me want to puke! Ok done ranting....I am so thankful for this site so I am able to get my feelings out there!
I think its normal. I know
I think its normal. I know I've done it before. Its not even the kids. I've hated that CS has gone out to BM and she could use it to fund expensive clothes, trips, hairdos and a new car that I can't afford. Then BM tries to alienate the kids and she and the kids treat DH and I like dirt.
We have custody now and things are much better for DH, myself and SDs. BM can't use the kids as pawns anymore as they've wised up to her antics so she's dropped out of their lives.
Just try to remember that the kid didn't pick this situation either and like you, would probably opt for things to be better, and that he's not BM. He's a product of the crappy parenting done thus far by BM and maybe DH. What he needs is for DH to love him, discipline him and give him guidance. Is he in counseling? Maybe a good therapist could help them do some hard work to build a good relationship.
Welcome!
Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the advice....I really needed that tonight! Yes he is in counseling but my dh doesn't think he needs it. So that's a whole other issue!
You are right it really isn't my ss's fault and I do love him. It just gets so tough sometimes because I don't have any other children from a previous relationship. My dh and I share a bd1.
It sounds as if your skid
It sounds as if your skid doesnt have a relationship with you all so all you are to him are the people that buy me prizes. I am assuming you guys have brought him things on visits before. I wouldnt bring him anything, but my time and an effort to grow a relationship with him.
Actually we really don't buy
Actually we really don't buy him "prizes" for that reason. That is the only reason he really wants to see us and if we aren't doing something "fun" at all times then he is mad about it and "bored". He has all the latest stuff ....dsi.....cell phone.....etc....but he always wants more....for ex. He is mad because he doesn't have an ipad, ipod or and iphone yet. His Christmas list was: ipad, iphone, ipod, laptop, desktop computer and a bunch of video games....needless to say we couldn't afford any of that. He also says he has two other sets of parents besides us and if one set doesn't get him what he wants then he'll go to the next set and manipulate his situation. I know kids will do whatever they can get away with and my dh constantly tells me "he's a 10 year old boy" so that's normal behavior?!? My ss isn't a bad kid he just expects a lot and if he doesn't get his way he will sulk up and start crying. I feel that we try to have a relationship but it just seems so far gone that it's hopeless and then I start to not care anymore.