Trapped!
Forums:
Ok...short version:
2nd marriage. Pay $1250 to ex wife for child support of my two bio kids. Live with current wife and 2 skids (60% custody). Should never have gotten remarried. Have a big house with big rent. With child support to ex, joint debt load, I can't afford to leave if I wanted to. At my whits end with skids and wife. I love her but we fight constantly about the kids. She always expects the worst from me and I'm emotionally done.
How do I get out if we are so tapped finically?
HELP!
I feel for you. But like
I feel for you. But like Sally said. You cut your loss' and move out like my partner did with his ex. He moved out of a lovely 3 bed house with a suitcase with stuff he thought he could need. She has everything and he has 10k worth of debts because of her. but took them so she could look after the children...but being useless like she is, she demands more money. However he is happier...
Or you sit down and work through your finances and also parenting responsibilities. If there is enough love there still I hope you can work it out.
That's the trapped part.
That's the trapped part. With my CS, and if I pay 50% of this household I can't afford to live/rent anywhere else. There's simply not enough to go around. I'm stuck.
Sadly when there are no kids, there are no issues. I just can't live the next 10 years this way. I don't love her kids. I don't enjoy being with them. This is my fault because I married someone I loved but didn't think through the kid thing. Factor in both of our exes are horrible and it's just too much to take.
Well, if you moved out your
Well, if you moved out your current wife would not be able to keep that huge house. You might have to pay her some form of spousal support for awhile, but it would not be like child support. She was getting along just fine before you, she can do the same after you as well.
We get one shot at this life. If you are that unhappy, so is she and everyone else. She deserves to know how unhappy you are. Then you guys can choose to really work to fix it, or to trash it and move on. Sounds like in your head you are already gone. So go.
It sounds like you need to
It sounds like you need to downsize out of the big house with the big rent, for one thing. Then you will be more financially able to leave, if it comes to that, and she can support herself.
Maybe counseling would help? With a therapist familiar with step dynamics.
What, exactly, do you fight about concerning the kids?
We have a 3 year lease on the
We have a 3 year lease on the house.
We fight about everything with the kids. They are entitled, don't do anything for them selves and I feel more like the butler than anything.
Counselling is the next step for sure
So stop butlering. Disengage
So stop butlering. Disengage from her kids and let her do for them, if they are so helpless.
She knows she's not doing them any favors, right? Raising kids who cannot do for themselves?
Leases can be broken,
Leases can be broken, especially if you plan and present landlord with a viable option such as another family willing to move in.
Let's pretend that things were going great with you and DW, you still sound as if you are financially over-extended.
Are you saving anything for a rainy day ? Retirement? Car theft/floods happen. You've got to try to have some insulation there. What about college for your kids? I think that big house is sucking your pockets dry more than you realize ... higher utilities, more furniture, etc. Whether you stay or go, I'd talk to DW about moving to a much smaller place. Not every child/step child needs their own room. If something catastrophic happened you'd need to do it anyway.
DW sounds less like a Life Partner (thanks Rags), then a Disney Mom. The step kids sound entitled, spoiled and un-parented. Sorry.
My advice is to do whatever you need to do to lighten the financial burden FIRST. Your kids and your steps can help out around the house/yard ... do chores, etc. It doesn't all have to be on your shoulders.
Counseling --- solo and couple --- simultaneously.
Make an exit plan just in case.
You lost me. If I'm your
You lost me. If I'm your ex?
Speak for yourself, Sally.
Speak for yourself, Sally. It's only 9am here!
No comment.
No comment.