Take a vacation. It doesn't have to be extavagant. Take you and your bios to a hotel with an indoor pool for the weekend and have mommy kid time.
You're a better woman than I am, if DH and I had kids and he acted that way when his other kids were over I would blow a gasket. Having favorites is a bad policy, but blatantly showing it is even worse. I hope he starts realizing he has more kids than just SS8.

Unfortunately, this is way too common. Dads are so guilty over the divorce they try to make it up to the child every time they see them and no one else exists. You really need to talk to him about this. He has an obligation to both his children.

The fact that you don't feel you can even leave your child home with him is so terrible. I don't know how you put up with that.

Is there any chance you could go to counseling?

I go through this as well, so I sympathize. When SD 8 and 11 are over, they are the only ones that exsist until DH wants to cuddle to go to sleep.

DH would ignore our daughter who is 14 months now. So I told him act like you have 3 children or you can have 2 and I will just take MY daughter and go. I tried several times telling him he acted different but he didn't believe me.

Once my kid let it slip when his won't around that they felt invisible, they'd told me but I told them that's the way he is because he doesn't see them. I tried to make excuses but other kids notice.

DH got the just of it when our daughter started wanting him to hold her around 11 months, she was walking and would go to DH, his youngest 8, pushed her aside and I flipped.

I grabbed up my baby and went to my room. I didn't say anything to SD8, except keep your hands to yourself, she is a BABY. Then DH realized that his kids didn't want anything to do with OUR daughter, their half-sibling and that she was being pushed aside by all of them.

That wasn't the first incident, trust me. SD8 nearly pulled DD6months at the time out of DH's hands in walmart because he was trying to pick her up as I paid, she was fussing and SD8 grabbed his arm and pulled her entire body weight on it to get his attention away from the baby.

I dont leave DH alone with OUR DD14mo when the skids are there either, wouldn't dare because DH doesn't want to believe his "precious girls" would hurt her but I know better.

I thought I was the only one. I too never leave our 10 month old daughter wiyh my partner when SS7 and SD5 are around. I just cant trust that he will look afte her properly or if she is safe around her half siblings. After all why wouod I trust kids who dont like or acknowledge me at all. It is sad that we have to take our kids with us when skids are around but I couldn't imagine it any other way.

The one time I went out for an hour my daughter woke up while I was up which really surprised me because I could tell she was still very tired rubbing her eyes etc. I could tell my partner had been in the shower so goodness knows what the skids did to wake up the baby. Until recently he would allow our baby to play in tye skids room which was full of choke hazards for a baby. His priority is always to please his kids and the rest of us just fade...

SD5 comes up with excuse s like tye sausage is hurting my mouth or I only like the lasgane at mummy's house. Like wtf. Next time tell mummy to give you packed lunches for the weekend.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think a mini-vacation with your kids to clear your mind is a great idea (go online and look for a voucher to a nice hotel). Even if you're not ready to leave your DH, the break away might help you rebuild your strength, so when you're back, you can really have a long serious talk with your DH about everything that you're feeling, his parenting and how you would like to move forward.

I think he needs to know about your trust issues when your SS is around, and that you're on the brink of depression and are on a downward spiral. One of the big mistakes that I made in my marriage was that I didn't communicate openly enough. When I did try to begin a talk about how unhappy I was with SS11 and SS16 (lived with us full time), my DH would get defensive and agitated and we'd often end in an argument - so I stopped talking about it. I eventually left - i'm in the middle of a divorce now - but hopefully your DH will be more receptive and you can both work together to create a happier home.

Obviously, if that doesn't happen, then you will have to think about other measures, because as you said, you can't cope with this unhappiness indefinitely. And neither can your two children. Your son is quite young, but your daughter doesn't need the stress either. And from what I've read, having skids doesn't always get easier as they get older. If your SS is so vindictive and spoiled now, and there's no discipline, then it's likely to get worse.

Do remember that you're not alone! Hopefully you have a strong circle of friends and family, but this forum is amazing too. It really helped me when I was making the decision to leave my husband. The ladies on here are great! Do keep us posted on how you get on.

I understand where you are coming from. I love my DH and he is also a smart man, but like you said, he wears rose colored glasses when it comes to his children. SS, 7, and SD, 5, put my kitten in a blanket over the summer and swung it around the front room with the kitten meowing, until my BD, 15, saw them and put a stop to it. My DH had excuses for their unacceptable behavior like, "they didn't understand," and, "they said they were sorry." BM, a vet tech, had the same excuses and added to it that it was my fault it happen because I wasn't physically watching the kids. (Was doing laundry!) Now I'm pregnant and worry about letting those children near my baby when it arrives... I've brought this worry up to my DH but he doesn't see the correlation. So, I will have to be vigilant in my watching and hope that my DH will be watching for those behaviours, at least subconsciously.

OOOOOHHHHHH MMMMMYYYYYY GOOOOOSSSSHHHH! It feels so great not to be ALONE anymore.

I'm on the same cruise ship as y'all. When we have SS9, he's the only one that matters. Our son together is 2 and doesn't understand this situation. Let me vent about the weekend we just had: DH had an extended family thanksgiving. Well, DH's parents went behind my back and asked SS BM if he could attend. I told them I didn't want him there in the first place. They did it anyway. BS only got to go if his Dad and I went. Well, we got there SS9 was there with my inlaws. He was told to say hi to his dad, but never said a word to me or BS (his HALF brother). My boy wanted to play outside ALL day on the farm. I spent 4 hours of the family get together outside by MYSELF at DH's family's event with my boy while the other 30 people there hung out inside. Inlaws and DH spent ALL Day inside with SS9. My baby boy asked DH 4 times to come outside with him. FOUR TIMES! He was ignored. I picked him up and went back out with our son who wanted Daddy's attention for a minute. I didn't care anymore that 30 people were there - my baby boy is part of that family too but I've only met most of this people once before since it's not a usual thing for everyone to get together, but I was guilted into coming since my MIL told me I was keeping baby boy from that side of the family. Which I never have, she takes SS9 to see that side but won't take BS. My boy only got to go anyway as long as I went but they had no problem getting SS from his BM to go to it. My MIL came out after I stormed out (if 30 people weren't there I was boiling to say words). She asked what was wrong. I told her, SS9 is getting ALL Daddy's attention, AGAIN. Everyone is inside playing with him and here we are OUTSIDE ALONE. I told her I told you I didn't want him here in the first place since it wasn't our time with him this week. Her response was: We don't see SS9 very much. They see SS9 EVERY WEEKEND for past 8 weeks and only seen BS 2x in that time. FIL came out after MIL went inside (I think she told him to) and he played with BS for about 10 minutes before SS9 came and got him to play football games in the house. Daddy finally came out and spent 15 minutes with us before his attention went back to SS9. Again, I think MIL and FIL had to tell him to. Needless to say on the way home DH actually asked me if I had a good time. I didn't have anything to say on the way home.

Oh and for Christmas, DH has spent nearly 400 on SS9 presents. He spent 50 on our boys. I get the age difference factoring in, but does SS9 whose there 4 days a month really need 400 worth of junk?

Like I asked in another post, why is SS9 the favorite and my baby boy chopped liver? Baby boy sure doesn't get why Daddy loves him 12 days in a row then doesn't bother with him for 2 days. DH tells me he treats them fairly. Uh huh. I tell him I feel like a maid, slave and nanny when SS9 is around because I'm tossed away like trash. He still doesn't get my feelings about this.

Katie8 and SMLifeSucks, I am so glad I found this forum today - it's been a calmness that I have never felt hearing others in the same boat and situations. SMLifeSucks, I brought up several issues to DH before we had ours together. I had no children and he had the 1. I told him it was already going to get interesting and at that point SS and I were bonded and on good terms (before he lived with his mother) so it wasn't something that was such a problem. The problems came later.

Katie8, EXACTLY. And I know why BS wasn't invited without me to the family function - because SS has told MIL/FIL before when BS was originally invited as a baby to a few events that he didn't want BS there. Thinking back, since SS has made that comment BS didn't get asked to go anymore. SS wants, SS gets. But the thing is MIL asked me if I wanted SS an extra weekend so he could go, I told her no and I didn't want to deal with the drama over the holidays. BM is just now back in our lives - for the longest time she had rules that MIL/FIL could only see SS on our time. That was before she left her second husband and wanted someone to babysit so she could go party with her friends and find other men. Now all of a sudden she's always texting MIL pictures of SS and inviting MIL to be a part of his life. The thing is, IMO, as a grandparent, they should show both kids attention and time, but in our world - SS is the one and only.

I agree with other posts about temporary separation just so you can be in an emotionally safe place and you can build up your strength and gain perspective. But you have very good instincts trust them.

It's downright depressing being committed to someone who will never validate your feelings.