Ummm? NEVER!!!! Put a withdrawal notification on your accounts so you get a text anytime the account is accessed. Immediately call your bride for any withdrawal that you do not personally make.

The only way to deal with this is to bare your brides ass when she sneaks around to give her worthless POS spawn YOUR marital assets and money.

Since she will likely continue to do this I would suggest that you set up basic sustenance food deliveries to your SD at her apartment. Not much. $50/wk of basics. Pasta, canned veggies and meats, etc... Work it out with your bride. Nothing that can be turned in to cash by SD and so your bride does not have to listen to SD’s crying rants about letting her starve.

We have had similar situations regarding my ILs. Rather than give them money which invariably ends up being wasted we had Schwaans deliver food to them. We picked the food. Healthy, moderate monthly portion sizes, and nothing be returned for cash. Any returns credited out account. My ILs were mortified but they also did not starve. They actually started managing their finances more effectively just so they could have some discretionary cash available. When they got to that point we quit the food deliveries and told them that now that they had figured it out (or more accurately pulled their heads out of their asses) they could now feed themselves.

Often worthless POS entitlement minded people need to have their asses bared as publically and as humiliatingly as possible. Your SD is one of these I believe and since your bride is her enabler she needs her ass bared just as well.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

As long as she is only using her money and isn't coming up short on her financial obligations to the home, then she should free to use HER money as she sees fit.

If she is giving her kids YOUR money, then that's a huge problem.

As far as doing it behind your back, if she's using her money, there really should be no reason to sneak or explain.

She agreed not to do it. Doesn't matter if it's her sole property. She seriously damaged her marriage by doing that. This man has a right to be upset. I would not want a grown kid like that in my life. Having spouse sneak and break promises on top of the disruption of 20 calls a day and emotional turmoil constantly would have me wondering if this marriage is worth it.

If both can agree to do something like Rags suggested and stick to it and have an end date, they can work this out. I would add get one of those limited use phones and have it be the trouble child hotline. Check it just once a day. No one can live with that kind of of constant interruption.

If your wife is giving her daughter her own money, not much you can do. If she's giving her your money, take her name off your accounts.

Even though I believe that in marriage, what's mine is yours, I also believe that each spouse should have some discretionary funds.

Even though I believe it is never right to agree to something and then do it, it sounds to me like your wife felt cornered and "agreed" because there was no negotiating and didn't really mean it.

I would NOT put up with my dh telling me what I can and cannot spend on my kids (assuming it is within my means).

This issue is putting a strain on your marriage. What price do you put on peace?

Do you want to be RIGHT or do you want a HAPPY marriage?

There are times when it is best to have some separation in the finances- one of those times is when the spouses don't agree on spending.

Split the household bills based on percentage of income (ie if income is equal, split 50/50) including something for long term & emergency savings & recreation/vacation fund or whatever is important to you both. The rest you can each spend however you want.

It sounds like you love your wife. It sounds like the money is there & this is not causing you financial hardship- but you object on principle and are resentful because you don't agree with bailing them out.

Let me ask this- if you were not in the picture, were your wife still single, would she have the money to do this? If so, let it go!!! One thing that bugs me about my life with dh when it comes to finances is that I sometimes have to make sacrifices that I would NOT have had to make were I still single.

Here's the thing- there is no real right or wrong here. Don't try to prove yourself right, look for some common ground, some win-win where your wife can feel the freedom to help her kids and you can feel secure that all your family's finances are safe. I happen to agree with you that it is really in the best interest of the kids to NOT bail them out in the long run. But lots of parents out there feel differently and SHE is their parent. She has the right to make that decision.

She spent how many years as a professional corporate person and now, after 4 years with you, she doesn't get to make decisions about how to use that money?!? I wouldn't be feeling romantic about you either.

If this is not a financial hardship and you do love your wife, go buy her some flowers and chocolate and whatever it is she loves and take her out to dinner and tell her you love her and you are sorry that you have given her a hard time and ahve let this come between you. Tell her you don't agree that it is a good idea to bail the kids out, but you are going to back off and let her parent her kids her way.

If she keeps it up, sadly you might want to consider seperate accounts.