I just cannot find anything I like about his kids....
I am new here- I am from PA.
My live in boyfriend of three years hates that I just don't like his kids.
1. 20 year old son, adopted, still cannot graduation high school and molested his two biological kids. We have NOTHING to do with him.
2. 16 year old daughter who dropped us like hot potatos 1.5 years ago and only starts talking to her dad around Christmas. I have a daughter the same age and they cannot stand one another- terrible jealously
3. 12 year old son who does come over every other weekend and I cannot find anything that I like about him. I feel terrible. I pick at everything he does. He has wet the bed up until lasts year, he sleeps with a FULL lit room, he acts like is 7 not 12. My skin crawels when he is in my home. I have a son who is 13 and he can barely tolterate him either. His mother treats him like a baby and we have to deal with the baby when he is over.
I cannot talk to my boyfriend about his kids. He always thinks it is a competition. It is not my fault that my kids are both very very good at school and non of his are. It is to the point that I cannot even praise my kids about making high honor roll in advanced classes in front of him!. I has no control of how his kids are being raised- there is no such thing as co-parenting and I am the bad guys because my kid excel.
I am getting my daughter a very used car from my mom (her grandmother) for her 16th birthday and it is making him crazy. Is it my fault that I used my child support to get my daughter a car and his ex-wife didn't? He thinks our kids should be equal and blames me that that are not. His ex does not work, lives on welfare and food stamps. As a new baby at 39 years old out of wedlock. That is creating a lot of drama with his daughter at her moms house so now she is "sniffing" back around with us.
Sorry for the rambling....i just can't take it anymore and I feel terrible that I literly hate his kids-but I do. I just keep hoping that time will fly, they will all be adults, and the everyother weekend drama will be over.
Thanks for listening.
- Zeal3278's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I don’t get parents who expect equal treatment in terms of
Treats and benefits. In life, you get what you earn or make effort to. You study hard, you get good grades. His kids don't study, they get crap grades.
you save money for a used car for your daughter, he can't but claims double standards.
then you have cases of where 1 parent comes from a rich family (say stepmum) but the husband and his kids from prior marriage are jealous that you and your kids get special treats, expensive holidays paid for by rich parents or expensive presents when he and his ex are welfare recipients and manage money poorly.
I'm from a western country and so my kids are dual citizens of my country and my husbands asian country. My kids have free public school in a first world country, hubbys kids got public school in a 3rd world country and university in their country. Mine will get access to a first grade western country university education.
skids can complain and the ex wife all they want but that is a benefit because of me and i have gone to university while exwife didn't and is uneducated.
kids get what they need subject to parents affording it, based on necessity not wants.
It's really not reasonable to
It's really not reasonable to expect a new SO to treat kids like their own when you met them when they were adolescents and you aren't even married. After 10 kids are hard to like, you didn't even know them in the cute stage and it sounds like his have a lot of issues.
Does he treat your kids well and love them? For me this whole "you hate my kids" thing is less about you hating the kids and more about them wanting you to take over parenting them.
I think with the ages of the kids it's best for each of you to stay in your lane and parent your own.
I don't know. This situation
I don't know. This situation sounds pretty miserable and you know the kids aren't going to grow up into functional adults. Are they even in therapy? The boy sounds traumatized and you did say their brother molested them. What is so great about this guy that you'd put yourself and your kids through this for many more years?
Honestly, he doesn't sound
Honestly, he doesn't sound like a great guy... are you sure you want to be in a relationship with him? I mean.. these kids are part of him.. he raised them to be the way they are.. he is parenting them.. or lack thereof.
I would not tolerate having to hide my light or my kid's light under a bushel because he is so insecure...
It is NOT a competition.. but you can absolutely be proud of your children's accomplishments.
Now.. that being said... do you think that perhaps the 12 yo was abused by the older boy? what you describe sounds pretty off and signs the kid has problems. Has your BF done anything to get his kid help?
The kid may not be enjoyable for you to have around.. but that is partly due to things it sounds like he may not be able to control.. that is on your BF.. not his child.
his kids
Vs your kids. I wouldnt stand for not being able to brag and go on about what a great job my kids are doing. Eff that.
You cant "love them equally" does HE "love them equally"? Nope.
Id keep doing what you are doing and not feel an ounce of guilt. You are doing right by your kids and that takes WORK. He can cry all he wants about your kids being better, but really at the end of the da, HE is failing as a parent (from your post).
He doesnt sound like a great guy...btw. Hes a boyfriend. I think the 3-year mark is a good place to decide if this is the relationship that you want for long-term/life.
It's okay to admit that a
It's okay to admit that a partner's baggage is too much too handle. If you don't want to end the relationship then live separately til all kids are launched with no ricochet. If he doesn't like that idea then he is just using you.
It sounds like SO needs
It sounds like SO needs counseling for himself, because he is stuck in learned helplessness when it comes to his kids.
You need to tell him when he has an issue with you praising your kids or buying them something, that those are your kids and your responsibility. No one is stopping him from doing the same for his kids. So you don't want to hear it.
SO stopped doing many of those things with me in regards to DS. Because when the did I didn't put it on his kids on put it back on him.
Just like tonight. He complained I think he is a bad parent because YSD is failing and I make comments to him about it. I told him that somehow he thinks that ignoring the problem is going to make it go away, and that's unrealistic and irrational.
He had nothing more to say about the matter. I will not parent his kids. But, I am his partner and will call him out on his behavior. I will give him advyon what he should do. But ultimately I put it on him.
I would be crazy in your
I would be crazy in your situation. First of all he needs to discipline his children, how does he expect equality when her children are only problems?. You are having your children achievements in the shadows just because this man have parasites as children.... this does not sounds fair to me, you and your children deserve better.