Am I just being Bit**y?
We only have the kids every other weekend which should be easy to handle but sometimes I am not in the mooodddddd. They are not really bad kids and they like me especially SD6.
My SO seemed mad the other day because I wanted to stay in the bedroom watching TV, reading mags and just be alone from the chaos in the living room. It is so annoying to see that he keeps picking up after them when they leave their toys all over the place and continue taking out more and more and more. I am pretty sure that at their BM house they arent allowed to do all that freaking chaos but yet come over and do it here. I am constantly telling my SO to let them do things on their own. Even though shes just 6, she should be able to pick up her things. SS10 is another story,SO takeS out his clothes to wear, picks up the shit he leaves all over the place (like dirty clothes in the bathroom when the hamper is RIGHT THERE) and I am like really? He is 10.I am always constantly telling them "Guys put that away if you arent using it"
But anyways back to the other day. I told my SO, yes I am staying here, I just want to relax and he made a face. I couldnt deal with the damn mess and my SO volunteering me to play with them. Like hello no why are you volunteering me? Please STOP I JUST WANT TO BE ON MY OWNNNNNNNNN! Or listening to them jumping around playing damn basketball inside the houseeeee! STOP JUMPING ITS ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE.
I feel so bad sometimes cuz I just get so annoyed with the kids even though they like me and I do care for them (they are part of the person that I love). I feel like such a bad person. I just feel like my SO doesnt get a break when they are here, they are constantly just calling out his name and asking him to do things and going into the room when he comes in to kiss me or talk to me. Like hello manners, why do you keep coming into our bedroom?
Thank you for letting me blabber on! Feels good.
There were days when my bios
There were days when my bios were a pain in the ass and I would hide from them too.
lmaoo nice to know!!!!
lmaoo nice to know!!!!
I know and I feel so bad. I
I know and I feel so bad. I know he gets tired but wants to do anything he can because he only sees them every other weekend (I love that he is such a great father, says so much about him). I try and help here and there, play with them them, have conversations, we all play board games together but sometimes I am not in the modd to entertain, I would rather just be cuddling with my man.
I hide from my own bio. So no
I hide from my own bio. So no you arent being bitchy.
I dont mind helping him out
I dont mind helping him out and a lot of the times I do enjoy time with the kids. But yes at times I get upset that he volunteers me, I just give him the stare of death lol He is understanding most of the times. BUT NOOOO! I will not be getting pregnant anytime soon. I cant handle too much time with kids who can actually say what they want imagine with a crying baby even if its my own. I am enjoying the time with my SO first!!
Thank you for your advice darling.
Maybe have a conversation
Maybe have a conversation with him and tell him that if he needs a break from the kids he should come and ASK you. I hate being forced into something that I don't want to do. He can ask if you can be with them for a couple of hours so that he can have a break.
My BF does this sometimes. We don't live together so I'm not entitled to as much but he has an every other week custody agreement. So we have one week alone together and he's got the kids FT for the next week. He decided to ask his EX to let him keep his son FT and she would get him every other weekend because he needs help with reading comprehension and BM is incapable for some reason.
His kids come first...I get it but I spend my time how I like. You didn't consult with me when you agreed to take your son so I'll will live my child-free life. We still spend a lot of time together but I don't always feel like dealing with homework and kids when I've come home from a long day at work.
My SD7 empties trash, puts
My SD7 empties trash, puts clothes in washer, makes bed everyday, vacuums her own room, cleans up after herself, loads the dishwasher, and gets herself food that doesn't need to be cooked (ex: cereal). This is because when I came into picture she was a helpless thing. Incapable of everything. I started in on DH about it and we got on the same page about her being independent. I made it very clear that I wasn't here to be a maid to anyone, so unless he wanted to be the maid he had better help teach her to do it herself. Worked like a charm and we have a highly capable and independent kid! Your issue starts with DH, but no I don't think you're bitchy!
Wow thats great, good
Wow thats great, good going... I tell him all the time to let them do their own thing, there's no reason why he has to be over-working himself for simple things that children their age should be doing. But you know sometimes you have to step back and keep your mouth shut because parents can get offended for the smallest things when it comes to their kids. Although my SO knows I tell him things because I care and I am RIGHT, I let him tire himself out before he realizes what he's doing and then I was right all along lol
DH was overly sensitive and
DH was overly sensitive and defensive when I would address things at first too. I kinda came into the situation with the mindset that although I'm not her mom I am one of her four parents and I am an adult in this household. No kid is going to make me feel uncomfortable or irritated all the time in my own house. DH and I want a child so we have worked hard the last three years to get on the same team with parenting because it won't be any different with our own child! I'm sure your DH will get sick of it eventually, especially if he starts noticing that other kids their age are doing things that they can't yet do!
Fortunately DH and I agree
Fortunately DH and I agree that when we tell her to go do something we mean now, not when she feels like it. He can't stand that and neither can I, so we don't have that problem. But when I came into the picture SD would throw tantrums because she wanted DH to stay in the bathroom with her while she showered. This was mainly because she didn't want him to have a second with me that she wasn't there for. If he refused to sit in the bathroom she would throw a tantrum that she couldn't wash her hair on her own. She used to even throw a fit that she wanted him to ride in the backseat of the car with her so that he wasn't sitting in the front with me. We have come a LONG way. This didn't happen overnight.
DH and I have had more pillow talk over SD7's independence than I even care to remember. He wants another child and I have not allowed that to happen until we are on the same page with how to raise a kid. Fortunately we get to make sure that happens because of SD before we have a child together. When we got on the same team SD made such drastic strides. She is actually fairly enjoyable to be around now. I had many many many thoughts of bailing, trust me!
I'm betting your DH will come around when he starts to realize that other kids her age are doing things that she doesn't do yet. Some people still think that seven year olds are little helpless kids. I disagree. I think as long as you can physically do things, then you should be doing them. Prob my biggest pet peeve ever when people think their kids are helpless little beings. That's why it didn't last long around here!
I do agree that the skids
I do agree that the skids should be picking up after themselves, but... not your kids, not your problem. If your SO is willing to do it, and doesn't expect YOU to, let him. If he gets tired of it, he'll start making them pick up.
I think like that at times
I think like that at times "not my kids, I dont have to deal with it" but why do I feel guilty sometimes about feeling that way?
I sometimes feel that if I am trying to build a life with my SO and want a future with him I cant always think that way. :?
BTW, he doesnt expect me to do it but I just do sometimes because all that mess drives me CRAZY!
Ugh, I feel your pain. DH has
Ugh, I feel your pain. DH has caught on at times when I’ve escaped to our bedroom upstairs on skid weekends. Sorry, but they aren’t my kids (SD12 and SS8) and I am not going to be on the entertainment committee. We have his kids FIFTY percent of the time, so it isn’t like he rarely sees them. He calls them every night they aren’t with us. While I respect his need to be involved with his kids, I am not interested in sitting in the same room with either of them while SD12 watches some idiotic TV show or SS8 plays Xbox. Forgive me, but I am not going to feed into their need to be constantly entertained by adults. Sometimes kids just have to be bored and figure out things to do by themselves. EOW that we have them, there’s this expectation of having some “activity” to take them to do and it’s suffocating! I think part of it is DH relishes the fact that he can provide that nuclear family experience for the kids since their BM has never remarried/doesn't date. Ugh, I need to find a time consuming hobby or activity that gives me an excuse to be out of the house when they are there.
No kids in the bedroom. I
No kids in the bedroom. I would enter my parents bedroom with a feeling of trepidation making sure I had a damn good reason or invitation to go in. It is out of bounds.
They're children of a divorce. They've got a lot on their mind. What if Daddy goes further away? Will they ever see him again? They just don't know. Children always have questions. Let him parent while they're with him. Just continue to stay out of sight if that's how you feel. It's OK as long as you don't let it effect how you treat them.
I have two sd, 9 and 2. They
I have two sd, 9 and 2. They aren't bad kids but I cannot stand their nasty mother, she is a bitch from hell. Makes me sick to my syomach.
I try for my husband but we get them every weekend and it gets to be to much to deal with fast. Half of the time I love them and the other I can't stand them, I wish it was every other weekend but lol I'm afraid to ask my husband. Though I'm sure he knows how I feel. I've been with him for three years and this is still very hard to deal with.
You've been with your husband
You've been with your husband for three years, but he has a daughter that's 2? With the same mother or his 9 year old?
I hit the wrong button, I'm
I hit the wrong button, I'm bad at typing she's almost 4. Both kids I've been told weren't wanted but how do you accidentally have 2 kids with someone you claim to "hate"
IMHO there is absolutely
IMHO there is absolutely nothing wrong with checking out for a mental health day every once in a while. Staying in bed reading, eating bonbons, doing whatever you want, whenever you want, where ever you want all by yourself.
If that happens on a Skid visitation day ... oh-well. Go with it and enjoy it. DH needs to suck it up and get over it IMHO.
As for the SKids hounding their dad constantly when they are at your home, when the adults go in to a room and close the door (either alone or together) kids STFU and stay out unless invited in after politely knocking and asking permission.
End of problem IMHO.