Sunday Dinners
I'm a 44 year old mom of 2 adult out of the house daughters and grand mom of 1. Recently married a father of 2 adult out of the house daughters and 1 16 year old son, who lives with us. Husband is a trooper of 32 years so always depended on his parents for a lot of rides for kids, meals, etc. Before this marriage I always had my house filled on Sundays and every holiday with my parents, kids, even close friends and any kids that didn't have anywhere to be for a holiday or sunday meal, it was never quiet on Sundays and I loved every second of it. My issue is this, over the last year and half, our house is barely large enough for us 3 to eat so a lot of holidays have been at my MIL with my parents, kids invited, sometimes they came but wasn't real comfy. In the end of Sept we close on a house that is plenty big enough for a small army on Sundays and Holidays and I can hardly wait to start cooking and entertaining. Each time it has been brought up, the subject is quickly changed. We eat at MIL a lot of Sundays and even worse, it is expected. My MIL told me on mothers day in which my parents came also, there is nothing in life more special to her than to cook and feed her kids on mothers day and on Sundays. This was my thing too, but because I haven't in so long I know its going to be awful and cause show much animosity, especially with my husbands two adult daughters that go to MIL every single Sunday. To top it off, in the spring we are getting an in ground pool and MIL doesn't understand why, she lives 2 miles away and has one. UGH!!!!
I'm willing to take turns to
I'm willing to take turns to a point, I have my side of the family to think about also. So my house blends everyone. My mom doesn't have anyone but me and my two daughters do not see my ex husbands side of his family on holidays, so that leaves them spending each holiday with me also. its strange, I went from being with someone for 20 years that I didn't have to share Sundays and holidays with his family, they aren't close in proximity or relationally to someone that eats at moms, has a work out room at moms and does everything with his parents and kids. It is definitely bitter sweet and very hard for a woman like me, who usually likes to run everything! Not selfishly, just always had to and loved it.
I honestly don't know. It's
I honestly don't know. It's not that I don't want to compromise. And yes, I LOVE entertaining but I also know my mom and dad and 2 kids with their families are "at home" with me in my home on Sundays and holidays. Yes, they will go over to my MIL but thats not very often. So the hardest part is not looking like a bitch when I decline because I'm cooking for them. MIL says things first thing in church on Sunday mornings to my husband like I'm cooking your favorite, what time will you be over? At this point he's afraid to commit because I hate it without talking to me first. But it never fails I end up going there and can't stand it. Everyone in his family is there on Sundays. his brother and his 3 kids and my husband and his 3 kids, 2 being engaged adults. So when we are missing, its a big obvious deal.
So wait.... your Mom "has no
So wait.... your Mom "has no one" but you and the kids, or your Mom also has your Dad? What have they been doing every Sunday that you have not been cooking? Maybe they'd actually be okay with every other Suday? Or you could switch to hosting Sunday breakfast/brunch for your family? Or doing EO Saturday dinner? What does your husband think?
Thanks! I've said this exact
Thanks! I've said this exact thing and I will continue. Part of the problem is prior to me, he's had a few wives, and although they have all said he's an entirely different and happy man now, I really believe they think our marriage will end, so I don't get a lot of warm fuzzys
I've been told numerous times this is how the Smiths do things. I just smile and say well I'm here now.
police marriages are very
police marriages are very hard. my ex was a cop. schedule and stress is terrible.
I'm seeing that Calypso Not
I'm seeing that Calypso
Not in his schedule because he's a Sergeant and has bankers hours and not on call anymore. The personality of a 30+ year cop is strong and sometimes cynical, sometimes over protective and sometimes a bit too quiet. Those are the issues I mainly deal with. But yes, the reason he's been divorced has a lot to do with those 2 things you spoke of, his schedule was very hard, some women can not handle all that alone time especially raising kids. And yes the stress too. especially when they won't talk about it.
Both of you should continue
Both of you should continue to do what you want and let everyone decide where they want to go. Neither should be hurt/disappointed when your relatives end up at your house and SKs end up at your MIL.
Your huband?? He can spend time at both houses.
Or the two of you could agree to have dinner at one house and dessert/drinks at the other.
I hear you. It is tough. I
I hear you.
It is tough. I have a control freak SIL. For years she made all of the 'family' plans and everyone let her. Then I came along and now DH and I have plans of our own and plans with my folks.
We do not exclude DHs family, but they don't 'get' him every weekend now and that took some getting used to for them.