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friends with bm on facebook?

krich1990's picture

I accepted bm friend request. Was this a bad idea?

My husband has full custody, and she only gets supervised visits. So it could be that she just wants to see pictures of him?

I do not put anything on Facebook other than pictures so. Plus she has also started asking me more questions about her son when she comes over for her visits, I'm the one that has him all day every day.

What do yall think? Good or bad idea? I want us to be civil friends and get along for him. She's about to start her unsupervised step up plan and he's 2, he need us all to support him

justanothergurlNJ's picture

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WILL COME BACK TO BITE YOU IN THE ASS!!!

justanothergurlNJ's picture

When I first joined ST many moons ago BM was FOREVER expecting SO to take off work because she could not find child care, and I say could not sarcastically

hereiam's picture

Yes, it was a bad idea.

If you want to be civil, that's fine but she can come to the source if she wants info and pictures, keep her out and off of your social media.

krich1990's picture

We have been friends outside of facebook, we were pretty good until my husband won full custody, then she was bitter. The past 4 months have been better

krich1990's picture

We have been friends outside of facebook, we were pretty good until my husband won full custody, then she was bitter. The past 4 months have been better

krich1990's picture

Long story short.
Husband found out baby was his at 3 months. Got full temp custody at almost 5 months. Real full custody at 1 year. She's about to start unsupervised at 2 years. Just want to be able to communicate with her too. Half the the time she has no phone, only computer.

krich1990's picture

Well my husband is about to start a job working 2 weeks on 2 weeks off doing offshore so soon he will not be able to communicate for 2 weeks, so I think I need to be able to communicate with her. I'll be having yo do all the visits and everything else.....
But I will delete her off facebook. She will just have to find a way to buy minutes for her phone.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

She can text you through an application called text now it's free. It can be on a phone or desk top.

Don't invite the monkey to your circus !!!

krich1990's picture

Mom did method while pregnant, among other things. She had cps called on her and she tested positive for meth. Baby was 4 and a half months. Mom disappeared for months at a time missing tons if visits, not following cps orders or anything. August 2013 husband received full custody, just ordered drug tests, parenting classes, and told her she can modify in a year. She has since then taken 3 hair follicles and passed all 3. She has done better at showing up to visits and actually asking questions about him. She's also pregnant again.

Husband wants to keep it out of court so he is proposing a 6 month step up plan to her.

krich1990's picture

My husband and her were not together when she found out she was pregmamt. She had already moved in with another guy

byebyebirdie's picture

never a good idea. i did before and it can start unintended fights and miscommuncation....i recently decided to deactivate my FB account cause it just is just to much info! i was getting tired of hearing about everything that goes on in peoples life or people trying to sell me junk or purse parties ect. sometimes the less you know the better. i miss some cute pictures and funny shit but outside of that i do not miss it at all....

krich1990's picture

I only have Facebook so my hubbys distant family can see pictures of our baby girl.

I have it so she can only see certain things, but I might as well delete her just because

AllySkoo's picture

I'm going to be the dissenting voice here.... it sounds like you only use FB to communicate information about your SD, and that BM is not nuts and is actually trying to turn her life around. Good for her.

I'd say keep her on FB until and unless she creates a problem. My DH (at my urging) accepted a friend request from BM so he could see pictures of his grandson. It hasn't caused any problems.

OrangeUGlad's picture

It depends. In general, I say NO, BUT, if you never post anything on fb that you wouldn't want her to see, it may be FINE. Keeping in mind a vindictive bm can twist anything to be a negative.

Especially in a case where mom has such limited contact. I can't imagine being in that position as a mom.

Also consider this: Dh & bm used to be fb friends, but dh was always on guard about things he would post. He wouldn't want to post about trips we took or things we bought- he tried to tell ME what *I* could post. Finally he put her on a filter and she FLIPPED. He was still able to share pics of sd, etc. so why should she care?! I am guessing she wanted to be his fb friend more to keep tabs on HIM.

And you NEVER know what can be a trigger to a hurting woman. So... say you don't care if bm sees your pics of you and dh and skid and your happy family, because you don't post anything that could look bad. Sometimes looking "good" and happy and having the life she wishes she had can trigger anger in a hostile bm.

krich1990's picture

Well she is deleted. Thanks for the advice. If she asks why I'll just tell her we need to actually get along before that can happen

hereiam's picture

I wouldn't even give her that hope, just tell her you thought better of it and don't think it's a good idea.

OrangeUGlad's picture

It might be better when it comes up again to instead say something like "I think we can get along together in the long run if we have clear boundaries"

MdMom's picture

I got rid of my FB for this reason!! When FDH and I first got together (he didn't have FB, because he believes it is the root ofall evil, BM's main source for talking to her lover while they were married) i NEVER added BM, i acactually blocked her. But she still found ways to my site to see what we had going on to plan things with SD when I would put out weekend plans on FB. I didn'trealize that she was doing this until she slipped one day and text FDH to tell him she liked the picture iI posted of our family... My jaw dropped, and two minutes later I was FB free. And have been for over 2 years.

If people want to stay in touch they can get my phone number... No more social media for this momma. I also see now how controlled people are by it, and I don't need that addiction in my life.

Mentalgirl48's picture

Oh hello hell no.drop her like a stinky pair of underwear! She doesn't need to know your business or social info. I friended the bm them blocked her and she flipped out. .she wanted to see the pictures I posted of our trip to California together.
I blocker her and told him she needs to make her own memories her boys..

counseling.advocate's picture

My SD was on my phone and requested BM, can u believe that?! This was a couple years ago, but it didn't last. Apparently I did something to piss her off and she de-friended me. Thank God. I never wanted to be friends with her and see her slut pics in bikinis, pretend to be happy with her ex husband she hates and all that. Drama... Plus she knows where you are if you post a lot or if you don't want her to see something you just stop posting because you don't want her to see... It's just not worth it because your relationship with her won't ever be stable. It's best to keep a straight face with dealing with BM. Friendly, but sharing personal info anyone above the skid and discussing the weather during exchanges is too much, because one day things will go sour and it's best to avoid over doing it.