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Welfare mom UPDATE

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Mon, 07/07/2014 - 4:48pm

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Adult Stepchildren

Well, charges were dropped on my Dh for custody interference THANK GOD. But, SD was picked up today on her felony warrant and is sitting in jail awaiting extradition.
Meanwhile, guess who has a SGK14 and SGK12 in their home indefinitely. ME!
I hope Dh has fun feeding 2 more people and clothing them and cleaning up after them.
DH also paid $3k so far on his daughter's new attorney. How nice.
Bet you anything he asks me to pay even more toward the household bills and groceries. So in other words, I can cover the cost .of SD's attorney and feeding her kids.
Oh, and the babies? (different father from older two) I guess they are stuck with the babysitter until someone figures out what to do with them. THEY move in that would be a total of 6 kids here!!!!
I want to run away.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 07/07/2014 - 6:45pm

I'm glad DHs charges were dropped. That means there's a greater chance he can get a second job to cover his grandkids expenses. You should talk to a lawyer about getting sd on the hook for cs too.

What steps are the dads taking? I feel for them, you and the kids. Let the dads know you have have the kids. Offer to mee them somewhere, let them come to your place to get said kids or you can bring the kids to them. Either way, give them four days to make arrangements to get said kids out of your home. And make dh and sd reimburse you for feeding them, putting a roof over their heads, electricity, etc.

I hope SDs rights are stripped from her.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Mon, 07/07/2014 - 8:09pm

Both dads are unfit. Drugs, alcohol, violence. On the bright side, at least the 2 sgkids we have are pretty cool.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 07/07/2014 - 9:01pm

They sound like good kids. Perhaps you and DH could help them find activities at school and elsewhere that interest them. Your local YMCA might have some suggestions. Do they like animals? Maybe they'd like to volunteer at an animal shelter.

What are their relationships like with SDs' babies dad(s)? If they're close to the younger kids and their dad(s) make it known to said dad(s) that they are always welcome to be involved in the older kids' lives and you support a relationship with their younger siblings.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Mon, 07/07/2014 - 8:42pm

I think you're going to stick it out. But stay in charge of the finances. You're absolutely right that any increase in your donation to household expenses just enables him to do things like hire lawyers. It's the same as enabling a drug user. If you pay or give a drug user the use of shelter it just frees up more money for the drugs.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 8:48am

OCC,

Exactly right as far as enabling and freeing up money for the addictive poor judgment personality to keep executing poor judgment and addictive behavior.

I enjoy very much the advice of those with a lot of life experience. My bride hears this from me frequently regarding her disaster of a family. She did learn fairly early that any negotiable instrument given as gifts to anyone in her family just enables them to execute their usual and eternal instant gratification behaviors.

"I need money so the kids can eat" - Result: A new tattoo.

"Help, my husband is a drunk and I am leaving him. I need money for a deposit for an apartment so the boys and I can move out NOW!" Result – No apartment, still with the drunk, but what great beach vacation pics.

It never ends. Even giving a gift that they can return for a refund enables this crap. So, we give non negotiable, non returnable gifts and let them suffer the consequences of their instant gratification behavior.

This is exactly why I never give money or anything else to pan-handlers. I once, I repeat once, let my heart strings get pulled and on my way back to work from lunch one day gave a bag of takeout food to a “Vietnam Vet, down on my luck. Will work for food.” Sign wielding guy at the stoplight. He fed it to his dog before the light turned green.

Twice I have not vetoed “helping” various members of my IL’s clan, never again. Fortunately my CPA bride will never again ask. The whole thing pisses her off to no end.

You give brilliant advice and observations IMHO.

JingerVZ's picture

Submitted by JingerVZ on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 12:42am

This is seriously messed up!

I would have DH choose- money for the extra kids in the house or attorney fees. Not both ways.

Seems you are never free of stepkids and their irresponsible stupidity!! Just what did this kid think she would achieve by kidnapping her own kids? Stupid, stupid, stupid ... And now you have to deal with the fall out! I am so sorry for you.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 8:36am

Whew, missed it by this much! Your DH is one fortunate guy that they dropped the felony charges against him.

The big quesiton is ... did he actually learn anything from this near disaster?

Lock up the checkbook and let SD rott in prison where she belongs. Her kids will be far better for it.

IMHO of course.

Done62's picture

Submitted by Done62 on Tue, 07/08/2014 - 12:00pm

When my FDH asked if his son could move in (21 barely holds a job smokes dope)I said no effing way! Never.....I even so much as told him he is free to get an apartment and the two of them move in together. I love my FDH dearly, but don't like the stepkids more.....lol

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Thu, 07/10/2014 - 4:35pm

Thanks all!!
The dad showed up and CPS said we had to let the kids go with him, so they're gone and will be until after the SD and her husband's divorce.
I wonder if she will get ANY visitation after this stunt.

The D.A. is considering lowering bond so Sd can get out of jail-and take care of her 2 very small children.

But there's the problem of a defense attorney in one state and a divorce attorney in the sgkids' resident state.

My Dh already said...blah, blah, blah...we have to GET SD a lawyer..."
Ummm, I hope by "we" he means him and Sd's mother!

I'm waiting, just waiting for Dh to tell me which non-previously agreed upon bills he wants me to start paying. I can't. If I were to, I would feel like I am handing his non-working, baby-making machine daughter's lawyer. I work too hard-she doesn't work at all.
You and I pay for her sustenance. Taxpayers. Which is a whole other issue...'OH WOE IS ME, I have 2 babies under the age of 2 even though birth control is free so I can't get a JOB because all the money would go to daycare.' I truly don't give a f*ck if she brings home $50 a week after daycare-those are called CONSEQUENCES for IRRESPONSIBLE behavior. That way she could at least HELP pay for her attorneyS.

Another idea I have had, since dear old dad wants to BE THERE for his kid, why doesn't he babysit the 2 babies on the weekends for free while SD works? Even if she only made minimum wage, she would still bring home $100 or so a week! By the time her court cases are over, she could have us paid off.
Sorry this post is so long. I just really needed to unload this. Thanks again.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Fri, 07/11/2014 - 10:17pm

All my thoughts exactly. Dh is going to refinance his Escalade. Still effects my life b/c it would be paid off in 2 more years but now it will be 4 or 5. And yeah-babysit at her house. Her mom's actually. She lives with her mother. Anyway, at least I personally wont be paying any more bills than I pay now!
And I agree-public defender all the way for her felony. This SO shouldn't be MY problem. Or dh's really, but if he insists on enabling SD, I can't really stop him. He'll have to see for himself he's making another mistake.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Sat, 07/12/2014 - 5:44pm

In my case, I have 3, yes 3 BMs. One I don't know, one is a total b*tch, and the one where he would be babysitting is the size of a side by side refrigerator, plus she has a job where she is only home about 2 days per week.

If it were the meddling, desperate, sociopathic BM, then NO WAY would he set foot inside that house.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Sat, 07/12/2014 - 1:02am

dh wanted me to pay more for family expenses because he had to upkeep sds. bm paid absolutely nothing after they turned 18. heck no.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Sat, 07/12/2014 - 5:49pm

At least the other 3 SKIDS aren't standing there with their hand out! Good thing, too because in the middle of all of this, there is Dh's high maintenance undeserving 12yo girl and both her hands are out!

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Sat, 07/12/2014 - 5:56pm

I found this humorous...Dh went to visit SD in jail today. He said, "there were a lot more smiles than tears. She is one spectacular young lady."

Spectacular? She is in jail on a felony awaiting extradition for basically kidnapping 2 kids that she abandoned for nearly 4 years and failed to pay child support for(she is in arrears over $15,000), while still married she had two more babies with another man, she doesn't have a job, nor has she ever been gainfully employed, and this isn't her first felony.

Is it just me or am I missing what is so spectacular?