Mid week visits? ?? What are your Thoughts?
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The mediator is leaning towards week on week off when for sd starting Kindergarten. But she wants to include a midweek visit. We will do transfers at school every Monday because parents dont get along. But if there is a midweek for a few hours we have smaller children that we cant run back and forth for a 2-3 hour vist during the week. What arrangements do you have for midweek visits with uncooperative parents? And what time? Is it more convenient to have OP pick up from school or after we get home at 6? What could OP do if we cant make the midweet visit? Please give me some opinions
We use to have a meeting spot
We use to have a meeting spot but with a 3 hour window its to hard to meet there midweek for 2-3 hours
all pick up and drop off for
all pick up and drop off for my SD13 is at the local police station.
parents never talk to each other or even wave. usually BM is looking down texting on her phone so she doesn't even have to make eye contact. seriously sad. whenever ive done PU/DO (rare tehse days) i always wave even if it isnt returned.
Perhaps it is nor relevant
Perhaps it is nor relevant for K but later on what time would the kid be able to start (and finish) their homework on visit days? Would they have a decent bedtime? What about extracurriculars? Here the elementary school gets out 3.18pm, bus gets home at 4pm- a three hour visit makes it 6.30(pick up from school)-7pm, then time to settle in, eat dinner, do homework, bath if needed and bedtime. Yikes. My daughter just finished kindergarten and she NEEDED a 7-7.30pm bedtime- I'm talking conked out the moment her head hit the pillow out cold tired.
I have known a few families that did a midweek visit and they all dropped it by 4th grade because it was too disruptive for everyone.
My SS has always done better with a Friday handoff (50/50)vs. Monday- there really is something to be said for being able to settle in before the school week begins.
why would the child be eating
why would the child be eating dinner AFTER the visit? SD is always given dinner when she is with us during the week (4pm-7pm)
If you knew my SS12, you
If you knew my SS12, you wouldn't want him LOOKING at the bedsheets until he bathed. That boy gets so filthy, his skin looks like desert camo and he still whines about showering. He makes Pig Pen look like a dirt-phobe.
same here - in fact, the plan
same here - in fact, the plan actually states for these mid weeks that "father will provide dinner to the child" (which i actually think is really stupid, of course we'd feed her!) btu sadly im sure there's some parents that would not.
In general the parents
In general the parents weren't getting home from work until 5.30-6, the kids were in aftercare/activities and were tired and just wanted to go home. Having baths, etc.. in the morning was setting up problems (tired cranky children in beforecare, parents we not getting out the door on time and it was causing problems with jobs in both houses). In all cases both houses were working parents and that makes a difference, not all jobs/ offices have flexibility. One SP stayed home part time with biokids but bioparents agreed that if parent was not going to be home then kids should skip visiting that week. Based on my working parent friends I don't see how a midweek visit would work without a flexible work schedule and a lot of people just don't have that. One parent friend used ALL his paid time off in dribs and drabs leaving work 3 hours early every week (3 hours time 4 weeks is 12 hours a month times 12 months is 144 hours divided by 8 hours)18 DAYS. That was the end of that when he missed two family weddings and a funeral because he didn't have the time off, never mind that he couldn't take his family on a vacation except a long weekend when the office was closed.
When I was dating my exBF, he
When I was dating my exBF, he had a midweek visit, but his son spent the night. Every Wednesday he picked his son up directly from school and took him to school the next day so he never had to deal with BM.
But even with spending the night, it was still a pain because SS lived so far away from BF. It was an hour drive to pick up his son from his school, so he had to take off early from work to be at his school in time. Then he had to have his son in the bed by 7:30 pm in order to get up early enough the next morning to get him to school on time.
If parents insist on 50/50...
If parents insist on 50/50... what I found better then week on/week off was:
***From the internet***
With this shared parenting schedule, the children spend three days with Parent A, three days with Parent B, and then four days with Parent A, followed by another four days with Parent B. The advantage is that the children are always at one residence on Sundays through Tuesdays, and at the other residence on Wednesdays through Fridays. The only day that changes from week to week is Saturdays.
Just a thought....
this is what we tried to go
this is what we tried to go for last fall with my SD. would have worked well because her parents live 10 minutes apart.
My Ex and I did the 3/4
My Ex and I did the 3/4 rotation and that worked so much better then the week on/week off that we did prior to that.
Guess it just depends on the kids and parents and what works best....
I agree with echo we already
I agree with echo we already had a alternating schedule it wont work for school age kids we do want week to week. Just trying to understand how to work a midweek schedule
haha, i know, stupid,
haha, i know, stupid, right?
there was much more stupid language that they were able to negotiate out. stuff like "SD will bring all things home to mother's house that went with her to father's house for visits" or something to that effect. fiance's lawyer said "so if the kid forgets a sock or a book at dad's, the mom can put him in contempt of court?"
My daughter gets picked up
My daughter gets picked up by her dad from after school care once a week. Stays for tea and is home half an hour before bed. It has only been since her bedtime moved to 7.30 otherwise it's a waste of time
I have friends who have kids who go for midweek visits and some of them are just so hard on the kids. Getting home at 9pm on a school night for a kid under 10?
I was very clear with my ex that it would only Happen if she was home by 7 so she could shower, read and sleep by 7.30 so it didn't impact on school or the drama that is getting her ready for school. He's not the poor bastard that has to deal with a fashionista 8 year old in the morning.
Aside from tea/ dinner once a week we also have every other weekend. So she is effectively only there 4 nights a month. She gets dead bored there anyway. And he doesnt bother paying child support., school fees, activities, medical bills etc So if he wants more time with her he can bite me.