Yes, I do pay for the phone. And I have turned it off. DH was NOT happy about this. I told him that cell phones are a privilege which SS14 does not deserve and I will NOT pay for him to have one.

Why do I care? Well we have primary custody of both sets of kids. So for the last four years I have been one of the primary caregivers in this child's life. I care because I have the same expectations of him that I have of my biokids. I have always treated both of my SS's as my own. I am with them every day...the BM eow when it's convenient. She decided to walk back into their lives around the same time DH and I started to have a serious relationship. She decided that she couldn't do it on her own, that no man wanted someone to sponge off them and be lazy and she wanted DH back, only to find to her surprise he had met someone else...so I stole her husband ( they had been divorced 6 years at this point) and am stealing her kids. I have repeatedly told my SS's that I love them and that I am just me...not their mom...she has a place in their lives that no one can replace and I'm not trying to do so. But when they live in my house primarily they have rules and I have expectations of how children will behave (respect, honor, character). BM lives off whoever she can get to foot the bill and the tax payers and does nothing to try to better her situation. She was offered a full time job...wouldn't take it...because the supervisor was a friend of mine...reallY?? Full time, with benefits?? I don't care what you do as it has no effect on me nor is any of my business. she has taken DH to court twice since I've been in the picture for custody...so she can be paid child support. Actually came out and said that at court. "If I got child support I would be able to support my kids" She was denied because of her instability...the same reason she never had custody from the time she walked out on SSs and DH. So I have been the woman in their lives for four years. I have cared for them, supported them both financially and emotionally, done homework, dried tears, spent nights in the ER for injuries related to sports, driven all over the midwest for sports...only for BM and MIL to start with bullshit accusation about me and my DH and now we have a messed up kid and daddy continues to make excuses. He's 14...he knows the difference between right and wrong...we and our home is his primary environment...so the "his mom messes with his head" doesn't fly with me.

If DH would allow him to stay gone and either go to BM's or stay with MIL for the long term, this wouldn't bother me...but it's a daily issue with DH being upset that SS14 isn't at our home and is shunned. Yeah, because of his behavior and his ridiculous lies about his stepsister, just to try to get his gf to do things for/with him.

And that is WHY I care this much...I am working on disengaging myself. But DH makes it difficult with the constant barrage of accusations and cold shoulder treatment and excuses. He blew up when he realized I had suspended SS14's phone and in so many words came out and said I was making it up that SS14 was using his phone...because apparently our cell provider just throws texts...calls...and data around to ANYBODY's phone.