So DH and I pick up DD12 and SS12 from bible camp yesterday. Drop SS off at his mother's house because it was her week to have him and we aren't supposed to get him until today. She put up a royal hissy fit about the fact that the kid was going to bible camp on her week. She could have told him no, he was the one who wanted to go, but if you need your time with him that badly, that even though you aren't paying the $315 for him to go away to bible camp...then by all means tell him you have plans that involve him and you aren't letting him go. Because we (DH and I) were asked, "what is he going to get out of it anyway?" Gee, I don't know...a moral compass? An understanding of the christian faith? Make some friends? Be in the wilderness doing fun things? To name a few...anyway, I digress...

Dh and I drop off SS and DD at their respective parents' homes. Dh and I take off for a day of fun. DH gets a phone call from BM and doesn't answer (she is only supposed to communicate via text and/or email) so she texts "you can pick up the boys at your mother's house tomorrow morning, they are sleeping there". She hasn't seen her son in two weeks. Put up a fuss about him going to bible camp on her week, and has had him in her presence for TWO hours at this point. On top of the fact that WHY is DH's MOTHER being the one to HELP her out? The MIL who says she doesn't speak to BM or have anything to do with her...(I've known that is a lie...but I don't say anything to DH because he usually defends his mom and it's not worth the fight).

This BM is bitter, vindictive and has lied numerous times about anything and everything to try to cause issues in our lives. Her most recent was a flat out lie about abuse in our home that required MY children to be interviewed during school by a CPS officer...all allegations were found to be unfounded (imagine that!) but the point is my children should have never been put in that situation, and my DH's job would be jeopardized over such issues.

So DH goes to pick up SSs this morning. Walks in to HIS MOTHER'S house and she goes off on him. MIL is bat shit crazy. She too has caused enormous tension and stress for our family and our marriage. Threatened to NOT come to our wedding until three days before. I actually went to counseling on my own to work through what she puts us through before I married Dh because I was ready to call off/postpone the wedding simply because of MIL, that's how bad she is. IN FRONT of my two stepsons she flies off on a tangent that my DH is a HORRIBLE parent, does nothing with his children, is selfish and so am I, neglects them, his ex wife deserves credit (she is non custodial btw if that says anything about how much credit she deserves...), that his wife (ME) is awful and terrible, the two of us ride around on our motorcycle after dark, drunk, with no helmets (we don't wear helmets, no helmet law; DH will NOT drink a drop of alcohol when driving the bike, the most I have had is TWO beers in a seven hour ride, and we have been out after dark ONCE which happened to be the night before which was a non kid week), he owes her $30,000 and she is taking him to small claims court for it; we are both useless pieces of shit who care nothing for the children. Last time she went on a psychotic tirade like this, DH owed her $10,000...that was two months ago...I asked DH you got $20 G's from your mom in the last two months? What the fuck did you spend it on because I would have never known you had that!! Mind you this woman is NOT loaded, certainly doesn't have thousands laying around, and has asked DH to "borrow" (I say it like that because she NEVER pays it back) money repeatedly over the last three years.All of this said in front of my two stepsons, one of which we are going through issues with and have got him counseling already...UGH.

DH comes home with the boys and we go in to the garage to talk, away from kids. He tells me this, I say I understand if you don't want to get into everything with your mother, however at the VERY LEAST she needs to be told that she is NOT to talk like that in front of the kids. MIL and I have had our go arounds. I have chosen to disengage myself from her and be only cordial and polite to her (because she is DH's mother, otherwise I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire) due to her toxic personality, her loyalty to DH's exW and her NEED for drama and her lying, manipulative demeanor.

DH goes over there to talk without the kids around. She goes on and on about "your wife HATES me" and "why can't you just get along with BM??" and "you do NOTHING for your children and spend no time with them" and "your boys don't get time with just you taking them places anymore" and "you should be doing things and getting along with BM for the kids sake" We are the custodial parents of all FIVE of our kids. No there is not a lot of time with just the three of them, as there is not a lot of time with just me and my three....we do things TOGETHER as a FAMILY. Why'd on't we get along with BM? Well maybe because she does everything in her power to attack DH and I and our family, our marriage and each other as a person. And really?? What is it to you? BM tried to ruin DH's life?? BM walked OUT on DH and HER SONS!! BM has bounced from bf to bf...wanting them or when in between DH to take care of her. It's still his responsibility to make sure she has a car, in working order, groceries, a place to live because SHE is BM...mind you she hasn't had custody of my SSs since they were FOUR AND TWO and they are now 12 and 14, the divorce was final in January of 2006 but hey...i guess my DH is STILL responsible for taking care of HER!!! WTF ever!!! Dh says my wife doesn't hate you, she chooses to not be involved and hold a relationship with you because you betrayed her...you relayed what she confided in you to BM who would only use it to hurt...you choose to have loyalty to BM at the expense of hanging and my NEW family....she is protecting her children and her family. MIL responds...."I never liked her!!" to which DH says, "say that if you want. You wanted nothing to do with BM, you told me yourself that hanging was the best thing that ever happened to me and my sons, you said she was more of a mother in one year of us dating than BM EVER was, you thought she was great, until we moved into together and became a family, until she became a FIXTURE in OUR lives. I found a woman who loves me, and my kids, and I have a family, and a wife and you don't want me happy.

When DH came home and talked to me about it and I told him, "I love you. I do need you to resign yourself to the fact that your mother and I will never have a relationship again like we did. Unless she makes changes. Unless she chooses to make herself an ally to THIS family and not to BM I can not trust her and never will. And while she continues to act like this you need to understand that this is why I don't want anything to do with her, nor do I want my bios to be around her. It's bad enough SSs had to hear her say terrible lies about you and I in front of them, I don't need my bios hearing her talk that way about their mother and stepfather. Our OSS has enough issues to deal with, and then add this kind of thing on top of it. This is why I say she is toxic. This is why I say we need as a family to distance ourselves. We need to insulate our family from her, and I know that sucks because she is your mother, but that is what is best for our family as a WHOLE" And for once...ONCE in FOUR years, DH AGREED WITH ME!! HE AGREED WITH ME THAT HIS MOTHER IS NOT GOOD FOR OUR FAMILY NOR OUR MARRIAGE!!! Maybe...just maybe, through all the heartache and bullshit we are dealing with in regards to SS14, the counseling, and now this...maybe he is FINALLY seeing what was there the whole time...

Hated to see my DH so hurt...but yet felt like a small victory. It's not over. She called twice after their "chat". Once he didn't answer, the second he got "I'm sorry, I won't bother you anymore. I have a lot on my plate so I'll just leave you alone!" Passive aggressive and manipulative much??? But he SAW it...Oh lord he saw it!!!