Hi there dtzyblnd, so nice to hear your online voice again! I finally got DH to tell me what the real time limit was and it was July, so I've now arranged thru a dear friend who is away until May, for them to start living in her apartment at a very cheap rent indeed so that DH can really shower all his love and affection on SS whilst I get on with raising our two. After that they can probably find another temporary place until July. My older one has serious educational goals to achieve in May-June, so I can't afford to mess around. If DH can't support our BS properly I'd rather him really get the recognition from SS and the rest of his family for doing all he can for him, outside of our home. That way no-one can ever say I got in the way, too. Some might say I was accepting a raw deal living separately from my spouse for 3 months, but I reckon it sets the scene for this time 2015, when the kid flunks for the third year running and this time doesn't get the chance of a retake. At that point I will have avoided setting a precedent for him moving in with us to live. So I'm playing a long game and it stops any acrimony.

Hi there OCC, fond memories. I love that idea of "asking forgiveness rather than permission"! We have not got to that point yet with my SS as he has just now been offered a couple weeks extra to go back to his college, finish one particularly big piece of work then continue along to end of year exams and that would be the conclusion and his entree into the great wide world of independence. His idea is that he wants not to be granted the couple weeks but actually withdraw from the final year now and then later somehow drum up the commitment and funds to retake that entire year over again. That would be the second year running he did that and it's the point where I would object to his return here or use of our funds: but he's still checking the position with the college, so I'm in a watch and wait mode. What a sap. Of course he has developed "depression" whilst doing nothing but party and run up debt for the last year, so that's the blackmail issue that's leveraging guilty DH. However I'll let him have some rope on that until I know for sure what the college is saying and then see what the pair of them decide next. Don't you worry, I'm good and ready for drawing a boundary on this after my training here!

Hi Saffron I remember you fondly too! Ya know my theory which is that the step relationship depends on compatibility in the first place. If you're not compatible, it's hell for both of you to be forced into such intimate contact; but if you're compatible, it's a bonus to your marriage like with any nice in-law.

Yup I've been reading some of your posts Pilgrim Soul and you are as wise, compassionate and humane as ever. When I went off to that counseling I got rid of a lot of bitterness and achieved a sense of satisfaction, if not with how the marriage had gone in the past, or with the full range of qualities in my marriage, at least with how we would deal with the skids and poor communication going forward. I therefore felt it was better not to return to Stalk in that I could share all the discussions I needed to direct with DH. The sad thing for all of us is that when we are here, it is because the spouse and we aren't getting the best out of our communications (either because of poor communication or because the situation is just not acceptable to us) but the good thing is that we can turn for understanding to this wonderful site. I guess I should have stayed on loyally but I felt that if I conferred with others, the benefits of the counseling could be undermined. I suppose a few of us do that. And then, once the counseling was over, I was not besieged by the skids for a good long while. Guess I'll dip in and out for a while yet now SS is back with a vengeance!!!
My elder son is 15 but has Aspergers thus is quite vulnerable. However as Stepaside once advised me to do, I have kept him well in the loop and he is quite clued in. My younger is 11 and very much more impressionable. The SS never paid much heed to them before but as his game plan is now to really get in under the duvet with them he is trying to be overaffectionate in an obviously fake way. It has backfired a tiny bit with the elder one. He's very sneaky and terminally dishonest in general, it's quite corrupting. I can't be dealing with a full time job working from home, the needs of my own BSs, and then having to protect them from manipulation when DH isn't here (he works shifts). Too much.

Hi again too! HOpe it will and am greatly absorbed reading everyone's news and how life is going on the site.