Afraid that dh wont have baby with me
Before my dh and i got married, i have made it clear to him that i want to have a big family and he agreed on it. He and i agreed that we would start with three kids. Then when we got married i think everything changed. We were thinking about having a baby soon but now he is like putting it off at the end of the year (we got married last year), then now saying we will have one at the end of this year. And that we would start with just one baby and see what happens. He is 11 years older than me..im 28 now. Now i dont feel like having a child withhim because i feel like he dorsnt want it. He has 3 girls plus one adopted daughter from his ex's ex bf. So he has four.
I have seen how he is with his girls 12, 9 and 3 and now i kinda doubt if he really loves me and if he will be able to show the same love and enthusiasm he has for his 3 girls.
It makes me depressed brcause ivr always wanted to have children and now i have a husband who isny as excited to have one with me eventhough he exprrssed a lot of excitement before we got married. And im afraid that if he cant give me a baby ill just leave him.
I dont have debt and have a stable job. He has a stable job but a lot of debt plus bm always asking for something extra apart from alimony. I feel like im feeding his whole family. And my savings always get used up because of some shit that bm comes up with. Whenever dh trlls her he cant participate (like pay for half of something for the kids) she tells him he is just being a bad dad.
Feel like bm gets to enjoy all of her salaries and buy things that she wants bcause dh is constantly being there for her (financially) for the sake of the kids. The thing is it isnt fair. She gets alimony plus þoney from govt plus rental money from the house they used to share. But she calls dh to take care of taxes for the house, things that needed to be repaired etc. And she calls up saying the kids have nothing to eat at home. What the hell kind od mother would not make sure she has money bidgetrd for food every month? No she doesnt do that because she knowa dh would just drive to her apartment with grocery bags full of the food she didnt care to budget on.
I agree. It sounds like he
I agree. It sounds like he lives with the OP, but is still emotionally connected to BM.
OP, which one of them ended the marriage?
Dh ended their relationship.
Dh ended their relationship. Ex accepted it but started to go crazy when he married me. They were never married but lived together for 12 years. I just keep wondering when he will be able to focus on me and him and our future. Youngest child is 3 now...15 years before shes 18! If our marriage will last that long..may i have the strength to make this last.
I relate to you and your
I relate to you and your situation so much. I am realizing that my DW has no intentions of helping me in my dream to have children of my own. What sucks is she tells me she wants more but in public conversations she makes it more than clear she is done. I also get the emotional backlash of being made to feel like I'm a bad candidate to procreate with because I can't afford to take care of her and her two kids.
I just want to say I'm sorry for the pain and frustration you might be feeling because it is a crazy sad situation. I'm 32 and feeling like I have signed up to be a doormat who gets to live a bittersweet life of watching others enjoy the love I dream of. Good luck on making the decisions that will make you happy. Thanks for sharing
Wait, you're a MAN without
Wait, you're a MAN without kids? And you're putting up with a DW who has 2 kids she expects you to support? Do not put up with your DW and her baggage for one second longer. Do you have any idea how many women out there would LOVE to find a man who has no kids and wants them???
Damn Straight! There seems
Damn Straight! There seems to be a severe shortage of eligible childless men. She's put you on a shelf and it's selfish to hoard!
Lol I guess it goes back to
Lol I guess it goes back to rose colored glasses at the time and kinda feeling like a bait and switch occurred. I spend more of my time daydreaming about finding one of those women and bringing a common dream to life together but then reality sets in...I feel guilty...then come log into this site to try and find a way to cope.. rinse and repeat as desired.
I am so greatful to all of you btw.
Stop spending your money on
Stop spending your money on his first family and let your DH know you're not OK with coming in #2 to BM. If he wants to continue putting BM first then you will let him have a divorce so he can go back to her.
^^super smart idea ^^
^^super smart idea
Why waste your resources
Why waste your resources enabling people who dont even like you? - exactly!
Thanks for that. Sometimes it makes me think like im being selfish when i try not to give in knowing that the kids have "nothing" to eat at their moms place. But its not my problem..youre right. And besides i really doubt they have nothing since bm often hangs out in the mall and had a serious spending problem back then. Dh knows this but still tries to play hero for her whenever he can. Dh has decided to give groceries instead of money when she says they need food. That way we are sure where its going. The kids are with us at least every other weekend and ive only been so kind to them. They are nice to me back.
Bm always asks them how im treating them everytime they come home and so far they dont think i have done them bad. So bm gets more infuriated as she has nothing against me.
Dh and i discussed about having our own children and he has agreed on later this year, starting with just one..we will see. Ill be 29 then! If this doesnt happen ill be very disappointed and will start thinking about an annulment. He knows very well that i want my own children. It shouldnt be so hard to let go of all of his baggage.