Previous Debt !
We've been having an internal battle whether to share this or not!
Quick back story... married a man who had 6 kids from 2 previous marriages, I have 4 bio kids one marriage.
H and I were friends with each other and our ex spouses before we got together. Our friendship turned relationship after our ex spouses had affairs with each other. Honest truth you can't make this mess up !
One issue I've ran into in the past 6 months is the debt my H and his ex wife accumulated during their marriage. Specifically the debt owed to my MIL.
My MIL reminds me daily that there is an outstanding debt of $7000 owed. We've already paid $2000 from the original balance of $9000. The money was used for the wedding of my H's and his ex wife.
Plus $5000 towards their home. The home his ex wife now resides in. The ex has made a payment of $2000 as well towards this debt.
My ML send me a text yesterday stating she could forgive $2000 of the debt as a Christmas gift. She went on and on how difficult it will be for her, if she does this. All she wanted was this debt paid before her retirement and now that won't happen. Complete guilt trip !
I let my H deal with the text.
3 hours later I receive another text from my MIL stating she had a Christmas gift for my SIL ( H sister). She proceeded to tell me how she just paid my SIL tax debt off as a gift. In the amount of $3500 !!!
I completely snapped !! She has been hounding me for months about a debt I DID NOT rack up, but pays her daughters debt of.
The same daughter that ate steak and crab 3 times a week, and has $60,000 in credit card debt.
I expressed my frustrations to my H concerning his mother. His response " Honey there isn't much we can do. I've argued with my mother before over her favouritism. She just doesn't see it that way. I agree with you but there isn't much we can do."
I'm beginning to resent his kids and his family !
My H works and tries to pay as much as he can when he can. We have 10 kids. Yes granted that's not my MIL issue, but she sure has no issue paying everyone else's bills.
Help !!! Am I just being petty and ridiculous?
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Comments
Personally, since it's
Personally, since it's nothing to do with you, I would ignore her and forward any messages to your DH. And if she mentions it to you in person, then "Sorry, I am not a party to that debt. You will need to speak with DH or ex-W." And if she continues, stop the conversation!
She thinks it is
She thinks it is because DH and my money is our money ! I told her before I wasn't part of that wedding nor the purchase of that home.
I never have nor will I ever "borrow" money from family for this exact reason !
It's not your debt, stop
It's not your debt, stop talking to MIL about it - as Cover said, forward it to DH and ignore her. And for god's sake, don't help him pay for his wedding to someone else.
I’m not !
I'm not paying for no wedding I wasn't a part of. I made that clear to all three parties ! Nor did I purchase a home with the agreement of repayment.
The issue is when he pays her it comes out of our account, our monthly budget, our money.
Yeah, that's annoying. But he
Yeah, that's annoying. But he owes her the money. One option is to budget money for JUST you and JUST him. He can use HIS money to repay the debt. Or, separate finances completely.
And I agree, don't engage in that conversation with MIL at all. She can stir as much drama as she wants to, but direct it at the people who took on stupid debt or didn't repay it as part of their divorce settlement.
DH had debt I did not have
DH had debt I did not have any part to when we were married, thus we have two separate accounts and one shared account for truly joint household expenses.
If you don't want pay for it OP, you better have a strong budgeting formula for tracking this coming out of joint funds.
We are the same. He paid his
We are the same. He paid his child support and his student loan from his account, so my money wasn't going to it.
Then split your finances.
Then split your finances.
When you combine finances, you don't just combine the assets. You also combine the liabilities. He owes a debt. That, by extension since you share money, means you also owe the debt because there is no "his" and "yours", only "ours".
If you don't want to pay towards this, then divest your money from his until his debt is paid. Also, tell MIL to stop texting you, then either ignore her or block her.
Absolutely not.. it should
Absolutely not.. it should not be coming out of "our money"... he should be paying this debt to mom wholly separate from your joint budget funds. period.
Ignore and pass on
The mIL and her messages need to go to DH. And you can just roll on by.
Yeah - DH's parents are very
Yeah - DH's parents are very preferential to his sister and his sister's kids and it's annoying. Plus his sister is a total trainwreck.
I'd ignore the stuff about the debt. Do your best and then don't worry about it.
One time an older man from my church asked me if I thought I could pay back money he leant my dad. This was a voicemail he left me a couple months after my dad died...and a couple months minus a few days after he made a gross pass at me the week my dad died after inviting me to apply for a job at his company. I was 27 and he was 58.
Guess who didn't respond?
Not your debt
not your problem. Stop talking to MIL about it. This is easy to do. Just don't respond, pretend you didn't hear her. And keep doing that. How old is this debt anyway? Sounds like it's been many years. And it sounds like she enjoys bringing it up with whoever will listen, maybe she likes being a martyr?? The sister getting favoritism would bother me alot, but as DH said, nothing you can do about that. Try to let it go. These are her kids, she gets to decide what her half the relationship looks like, and your DH and his sister get to decide their half.
It's too bad this comes out of your joint finances but that's always the situation when we marry. "their" debt becomes "our" debt.
Does he and the ex wife still
Does he and the ex wife still own the home? Why is she still living there? The home should be sold to pay the debt and split the profits. Otherwise, the BM should pay your husband what his equity in the house should be (after paying off MIL). She cannot afford to do it? Too bad. Refinance and pay off the debt. It is crazy as hell to be paying on their wedding and house. WTH? That after she had an affair with your husband (at the time). I would tell the MIL not to talk to you about this. This would force me to tell quite a few people where to shove it.
Complicated
This is where the story gets more complicated !!!
BM and hubby own a home together, but BM can't afford to buy him out. He said fine let's sell it, but they can't because BM's mother owns 5% of the home. She is refusing to sell it, and told DH he can wait 3 years till it needs to be refinanced. She refuses to get off the mortgage.
Lawyer said without BM mothers concent they can not sell.
So now BM lives in the home, pays the bills.
As for the wedding the family is angry because BM had an affair with a groomsman. So the marriage fell apart within a year. After having 3 kids they got married.
Annoying but not your debt
Annoying but not your debt not your problem.
One of my children owes me some money and is paying me back as she can . I could well afford to not take the money back but Would rather she learns that if you borrow something you pay it back.
Your DH owes his mother this money. It is a completely seperate issue to anything that happens between his sister and her mother.
You are correct !!
You are correct it is not my debt ! It is my DH debt he knows he needs to pay it.
As for the dealings between my MIL and DH sister it is their issue. My issue is I can't stand hearing about old debt and how hard it is on my MIL, but then she goes and pays off an old tax debt. It's a double standard.
Your DH should just get a
Your DH should just get a personal loan to pay off his mother and call it a day.
I told my MIL that I have
I told my MIL that I have nothing to do with this debt. For one I wasn't part of the wedding nor of the purchase of the home. I have no legal right to that home. Even if it sells I don't have any legal right to finances of the home. That's because my DH and I are not legally married as of now. We just live together and have for a longtime, and share fiances, as well as accounts.