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He just doesn't care!

Tey860's picture

Submitted by Tey860 on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 6:55am

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Teenage Stepchildren

SD13 has been staying at her friends house for weeks now. Last night she was texting my daughter (her sister) and my daughter asked her why people are saying she smokes! SD goes on to say her boyfriend smokes weed and all she did was take "one gay ass little puff when I relit it for him". Are you kidding me??? Why are you talking to a 10 year old like that??!!! So I forwarded the text to DH and all he put was "nice". Are you kidding me??? I also forwarded the text that says she's been staying with her boyfriend some days, not her friend. Same response! I asked him what his plan is because she has to go or they both have to go. He said she can just stay at her friends.....ummm she's 13 she cannot just live at her friends, you are still responsible for her! I told him he needs to tell her mom what has been going on and I know she would take her back! He said BM can't control her, I said neither can you and I don't want this going on in my house anymore! A month cannot come quick enough, the new place should be ready and if he hasn't given SD back to her mom, or decided to actually be a parent, then I guess it's just me and my daughter.

EvilWickedSM's picture

Submitted by EvilWickedSM on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 7:22am

Wow, just wow. I am amazed that he had no more of a response than that! I don't blame you at all if you leave him, that is ridiculous. Do what is best for you and your daughter. It's not good for her to be subjected to that kind of behavior from her sister.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 7:47am

What do the parents of the people she is staying with think is going on? My ass would be over at that house pulling her by the ear out the dang door!

EvilWickedSM's picture

Submitted by EvilWickedSM on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 8:17am

That is another thing I don't understand. Have her friends parents not confirmed with your DH and BM that it is okay for her to be spending so much time there. And for the boyfriend's parents to allow it....beyond ridiculous!!!

Tey860's picture

Submitted by Tey860 on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 10:03am

No!!! Apparently her friends house is a breeding ground for kids who have been kicked out! A few months ago she had a girl living there because her mom kicked her out, she was 15. I shudder to think what kind of environment that is!!!! I think DH has mentally shut down when it comes to her. Nothing surprises him, nothing moves him to action. I bet the day she comes home pregnant will get a reaction. It's just crazy.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 1:38pm

I had to laugh at "thoooose kind of parents"- what is it with that need to harbor all those kids in your house? I just can't understand the need to override a teen's parent!! I would have flipped out on that woman!

Samantha73's picture

Submitted by Samantha73 on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 8:50pm

That is what goes on in our neighborhood ....kids hang out at thooose peoples house all the time... Told my dh skids aren't allowed near those people.... The skids tell the lady at the bus stop the following morning....lol...she tells the skids and my biokids that I'm the devil and that I'm just jealous that shes more popular with the kids in the neighborhood.... My biokids tell the lady.... You haven't seen crazy til you meet our mom...needless to say...we met none of our kids go to her house anymore....awww guess I am the queen devil in her eyes....boo freaking hoo.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 7:58am

Thirteen years old and staying with her boyfriend? :jawdrop:

These parents don't even know where their daughter is sleeping and don't seem to care.

Just wow.

PolyMom's picture

Submitted by PolyMom on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 8:07am

How frustrating to feel like you as the step-parent are the only one who actually gives a crap about this child...and your hands are tied, because there's really nothing you can do about it. Why would DH be so lackadaisical? Have you asked him? She's so out of control that smoking weed and living with her boyfriend at 13 (essentially ensuring pregnancy) is a better predicament than living with you?

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 8:07am

I hope he is ready to be a Gpa then with that shitty attitude.... :sick:

Unreal.... :O

I would N.E.V.E.R. let my 13 year old son even be alone with a girl let alone sleep over with them!!!

Tey860's picture

Submitted by Tey860 on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 10:05am

He flat out told me she can stay there! He said he doesn't know what to do with her. SMH. I fought tooth and nail to keep her from moving back in with us, I told him she was gonna pick right up from where she left off but noooooooo he didn't listen. Now look.

Samantha73's picture

Submitted by Samantha73 on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 9:00pm

Well hes in a rude awakening if someone reports his bad parenting skills...that child ends up pregnant at that age...who does he thinks gonna support that baby...not her she won't be old enough.. Why can't he let your state step in a try to save her before she travels to far down that dark road shes on??

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Submitted by CantKeepDoingThis on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 9:22am

I'm with the others...just...WOW! I thought my DH was bad! At least SD14 is able to get a rise out of him enough to yell at her, not just sit there and say..."Nice!" Yeah, concentrate on you and your daughter, as it seems he isn't being much of a father to her, either. If he were, he wouldn't want your SD having those kinds of discussions with her! That is his child, too. Even if he has written off SD, he should at least care about one that still has a chance to turn into a good human being! Sounds to me like he is just done being a father, period. Time to move on!

onthefence2's picture

Submitted by onthefence2 on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 9:34am

This will NOT end well. If the state gets called, it will be a huge mess. Ever heard of child endangerment, child neglect? If something happens to this girl, they are coming after the parents when they find out what's been going on. I'm not sure this SM cares more than the dad, but she's certainly more intelligent. Get out asap.

Tey860's picture

Submitted by Tey860 on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 9:58am

Yeah I'm seriously in shock! DH said he has 2 other kids to worry about and she is too far gone! I don't know how he can rationalize like that, it is insane! I think I'm going to contact her mom even though we really don't speak....if she is willing to be a parent to her daughter then she should be living there. I keep telling him this is going to blow up in his face, she is either going to end up pregnant, arrested or worse! I want no part of this.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 10:06am

Too far gone?! She is thirteen! Lazy, lazy, lazy.

He does know that thirteen is not the age of emancipation or adulthood, right?

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Submitted by CantKeepDoingThis on Fri, 01/03/2014 - 10:38am

That would be the most responsible thing to do. Sure, DH could get mad, BM could ask what you expect her to do...but BM has the right to know what is going on with her child! If she will not do anything either, then I would move forward with your plan to move on, and contact child services as soon as you are out of there with your daughter! Explain to them that you had to leave because you couldn't sit by and watch nothing be done any longer, and you couldn't let the situation affect your child. Let SD become a ward of the state if that is what needs to happen. Not the best solution either, but better than some 13-year-old running the streets, and maybe they will hold the birth parents accountable for the monster they created!

Tey860's picture

Submitted by Tey860 on Mon, 01/06/2014 - 4:01pm

Trust me I am patiently waiting until that apartment is ready and I am doing exactly that.

Tey860's picture

Submitted by Tey860 on Mon, 01/06/2014 - 4:00pm

Well yesterday he went over to her friend's house and FINALLY met her friend's mom. He said she was very nice and said that SD is more than welcome to stay there, she is no trouble...HAHA little does she know!!!! It's probably because she works 7Am-11PM 6 nights a week, so she has no clue what is going on in her house!! So I guess he is truly planning on letting her stay there until she wears her welcome out. I am still patiently waiting for the apartment to be ready because I am done with this cluster. I'm just disgusted with the both of them.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Submitted by CantKeepDoingThis on Mon, 01/06/2014 - 4:08pm

No trouble? Did he actually take a picture of SD over there and verify that is the girl she thinks is staying with her? LOL

Tey860's picture

Submitted by Tey860 on Tue, 01/07/2014 - 3:34pm

I know!!! It must be the fact that the mother is NEVER home because she works so much. She probably literally comes home and goes to bed. The craziest thing is apparently SD was home yesterday after school for a couple hours but DH brought her back to her friends BEFORE I got home....Ummmmm yeah that's not how we're gonna play this. He will not discuss it with me, he keeps trying to avoid the conversation. I asked him last night what the plan is...he said, "She's at her friends." I said, "Forever?" He said, "Umm no, of course not." I said, "Ok then, again I ask, what is the plan? Are you and her moving out together or are you calling her mom and seeing if she can go back there?" He walked out of the room....I mean he can try to dodge the issue all he wants but the bottom line is I am not letting this go.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Submitted by CantKeepDoingThis on Tue, 01/07/2014 - 4:21pm

Yeah...sounds like your original plan is the best at this point! Let that duplex/apartment come available, and you and your daughter get the heck out!