Veteran disengaged SM's, how is husband's will handled and what is your view on them?
My husband is young, in 40s, and we still have minor children together, one still in diapers. He is in a somewhat dangerous career...but in no immenant danger. Adult children have been PAS'd by bm since divorce 18 years ago. Anyway, the relationships have crumbled away and they haven't attempted to sustain anything more than a cursory, check the block kind of relationship for the past several years. It is what it is. Husband is sad but doesn't waste much effort or energy in fixing something he isn't capable of fixing. With all that said...how is the will handled? My thoughts are, if you want nothing to do with him or us in life, why should you "profit" in death? I do think he needs to spell out, in detail, his wishes because I can see bm encouraging them to sue us for money they feel they are entitled to. I brought this up to husband the other day, I think he thinks I'm exaggerating some of the stuff I see on here about situations that arise when daddy departs.
Go to an attorney in your
Go to an attorney in your state and find out what the law says. If your husband dies without a will, or with real property just in his name the the state will decide how it is all distributed. That might open his eyes to what he wants and what he does not want.
That is a really smart way to
That is a really smart way to do it. I like your thinking.
Yeah I have seen that happen
Yeah I have seen that happen also, I don't like it. I actually just recently backed out of being executer of my parents will just knowing that it would lead into a fight with my siblings, particularly my sister. She is a very self absorbed entitled person and I was listening to some of the things she said about the will and backed out. I don't look at my parents as a gain, I don't care if I don't get anything. There is only really one thing I want and its already willed to me and its more for sentimental reasons. My fathers duty weapon, he retired as a cop after 35 years of service and 5 years of military police in the air force. He is the reason I went into law enforcement. Not in it anymore but I still have my duty weapon and would love to put my fathers with it since he was my inspiration for joining the police force. Only thing I want. I could care less about the money. After the hell with SD19, I have learned in my age, I have no time for fighting with anyone anymore.
Thanks and yes that is why I
Thanks and yes that is why I did it. 2014, my new years resolution: To do my very best to keep ALL negativity out and most importantly, not to let any negativities impair me ever again.
This is my fear exactly. That
This is my fear exactly. That rotten SD will show up with trampy BM and try to make my life as miserable as possible. If DH dies first I could just see these 2 vultures showing up on my doorstep the next day threatening me and trying to take away my house and everything in it. I have told this to DH and he agrees that these 2 assholes would do this. Come the new year we are going to an attorney to take care of everything so that there are no problems. Since SD told DH that she will never speak to him again or see him again unless he divorces me, I want her to get nothing. In fact, I'd like to set it up so she gets $1.00
I have 3 sons and DH has 2wonderful sons whom I like very much. All of our assets should go to the 5 of them as they have been loving and respectful. DH has a great relationship with my kids.
My other fear is that when we see the attorney, I am going to have to tell DH that I want step-devil to get her $1.00. I'm not sure how he will react to this. He didn't send her the customary card and $100 for her bday and $100 Xmas as a result of her atrocious behavior. If she doesn't want to be nice and act like a decent person and treat her father and I with respect then she doesn't deserve any money; thus no Xmas and bday gift. I hope we don't get into an argument when I tell him that I don't think she should benefit financially when we die. After all,she doesn't want anything to do with us so that means she doesn't want our money.
Aha. Very interesting. Thanks
Aha. Very interesting. Thanks for the tip. I had no idea about this but it makes a lot of sense.
I would've never known about
I would've never known about this. Great advice; thank you
No-contest clauses have
No-contest clauses have really lost their teeth in the last couple of years.
You both need to make an
You both need to make an estate will. We did, we have SD22, SD19, DD8 and DD3. We made it so that if one of us dies the other gets all. If we both die then it is split between the 4 kids, however he made it currently split between just 3 of them since SD19 is not in our lives. He is able to change that at anytime. He says the same thing, which I agree with, if you want nothing to do with a parent then you shouldn't have to receive anything from that parent. What he did do was as far as our estate, split equally. Life insurance is separate though, he put more money towards the two younger ones (our bios) because of their ages. He left SD22 a good size though, its just less then the little ones. He did that more so because they cost money to raise and who gets them in the will would need to use it to raise them along with setting some aside for their adulthood. If that makes any sense. I was all for splitting equal but I let him make the decision because my steps are not mine, he has that right to make that decision and it did favor the younger ones but that is the way life is. I don't expect anything from my parents now that I am an adult. I know they intend on leaving us things but I also know they are up there in age and I have worked in a hospital and nursing home and know that the estate my parents have will also go to pay off their bills and their medical needs later in life so I don't expect anything. I think this world is really filled with a lot of entitled kids.
I would get a will though, it puts your mind at ease, especially if you have little ones.
The other important
The other important consideration besides what happens after death, is having a living will or directive if you or spouse become incapacitated for a long term. Due to medical advances, there are many people who may live a significant amount of time after dementia/Alzheimers, strokes, etc. It is imperative people plan for those possibilities, too.