Need help, advice and need to vent before i explode!
On previous post's i have voiced my concerns about my SS(4) and his behavior. Well once again something has happened.
We got a message today about my FDH's son, that he's been naughty in school lately, hitting and biting other children. When the teacher spoke to him about this he said he did it because his dad hits him.
I am furious! My FDH does NOT hit his son, yeah he gets a smack on the hand and the bum when he's naughty but he does NOT hit him!
Anyways we got told because once again child services maybe getting involved. When is this going to stop?!
Another reason i am so angry is because SS is known for telling lies constantly, we've always put it down to the fact his BM a lazy parent who just doesnt care about teaching her son right from wrong and just leaves him to it, where as we are trying to teach him and get him to understand the difference, but i've been concerned about his lying for so long and i've mentioned it to FDH a few times that if its not nipped in the bud, SS is going to one day say something and someone is gonna get into a lot of trouble and it seems that this could be the day!
Now my dilemma is that my FDH has SS every weekend but he works nights during the weekends, so when he's sleeping during the day, i'm the one looking after SS. I'm terrified to be any where near this child, i dont want my DS(7) near him either in case he says something that isn't true and gets me and my son brought into all this.
I dont know what to do! I cant say to my FDH i dont want to be near your son coz thats just cruel and my FDH is at a loss atm with this latest lie and i dont wanna cause more stress for him but at the same time what about me and my DS?
Its Friday tomorrow and i'm terrified!
a smack/tap on the hand or
a smack/tap on the hand or the bum (with his pants on i may add) is not a bad thing and im not saying this happens all the time, this is when he behavior gets extreme! Which i probably should have put in the first post. The majority of discipline in sat on stairs, bed, toys confiscated you know the usual.
Last weekend when DH picked SS up from school, he wet his pants in school, when we asked what happened he said "the teacher wouldn't let me go to the toilet" i knew instantly it was a lie because what teacher wouldn't let a 4 year old child go to the toilet. He also once told us his BM burnt him with a big cigarette yet there were no mark. He once told us his mummy likes kissing his willy! These are just a few lies there are more but these are the more serious ones.
These lies are bloody serious!! and so god damn dangerous! Please explain to me how i'm suppose to handle this with lies like these, i've never come across anything like this before. and im bloody terrified and so god damn concerned.
A smack on the hand or butt
A smack on the hand or butt is a hit. He has learned that it's OK to hit when people make you angry or do something wrong.
Please explain the rest of
Please explain the rest of lies to me then and where they have come from? and like i said, this is not something that happens all the time, the boy DOES NOT get beaten by his father, smacking/tapping his hand or bum is last resort!
SS saying "mummy likes kissing my willy" now i HATE BM with a passion she is many things but i know she would NEVER touch her son in sexually abusive way.
Ok I have a question ....
Ok I have a question .... Where does a 4yo come up with ~ mommy likes to kids my willy. Sorry this one stands out.
Has that ever been looked into ??
I get that kids lie ~ but that looks like it is in bold red letters to me.
I agree this is something
I agree this is something that i found very disturbing, FDH spoke to BM about this after that i'm not quite sure because i try to stay away from it all. BM has already had child services out with SS doing inappropriate things to other children in nursery, it all got sorted but with saying things like that, i've always kept a ear out for things that he says around my DS. There are some things a 4 year old just doesn't say and he's come out with a few things that just seem strange to me.
Ummm... why has your SO not
Ummm... why has your SO not contacted the police or CPS??????????
Bathroom~if he has a habit of
Bathroom~if he has a habit of going into the bathroom repeatedly to play or make a mess, then the teacher may have told him no when he asked to go. Dad should have spoken to the teacher to to find out if/why she told him no.
Dad should also report the possible sexual abuse.
he's going to speak to the
he's going to speak to the teacher tomorrow when he picks his son up from school about everything but apparently when SS had an accident he was sat on the carpet with the rest of the kids when this happened.
I told DFH to report the "accusation about BM" i think DFH had a sit down with SS and had a chit chat about it all, you know a little talk without making it a big deal and i think he spoke to BM about it also.
There is nothing wrong with a
There is nothing wrong with a pop on the butt or hand for a 4 yr old to correct behavior. You aren't beating the child. Many of us managed to learn that when we got in trouble as a child our butts would get a pop. It did not mean we could hit others. There comes an age where spanking is no longer effective but to a 4 yr old boy, yes, it is fast and to the point. Instant discipline.
Lying is very common at his age, and you need to be aware of that first and foremost. He is seeing what he can get away with and pushing boundaries.
As for you watching him while your SO sleeps- don't. Please pay attention to this, many of us on this site have gone out of our way early on in the relationships to "support" our spouses only to get shit on more and more. Make it clear now that while you adore his child, (true or not) with everything going on you are just not comfortable watching him on your own. You cannot risk jail because the child is lying or, if BM doesn't like you, fed lies and parrots them. It is not fair to you to be put in that situation. Tell him you will support his relationship and visitation with his child as much a possible but this is too much on your shoulders.
I think i'm gonna do that, as
I think i'm gonna do that, as horrible as its gonna make me feel and look right now i think its the best thing for me and DS, with all the crap that seems to go on with BM and SS its really making me depressed, i feel like i cant live a happy life because of them and its always one thing after another.
One thing that has been running through my head is if BM is feeding some of these lies to SS, she seems that type of girl, i remember her saying once that her dad use to beat her when she was younger and it turned out to be bull. I just get this feeling in my gut that she's twisting SS head for her own purposes. And with some of the things that SS comes out with sometimes its obvious its come from the BM.
Its his new job and all BM
Its his new job and all BM cares about is getting rid of her son on the weekend. FDH explained to her that he'd be working weekends (he works week nights also) when he first got the job and her response was "getting your son is more important than working and the CO states you HAVE TO have him every weekend so if you dont get him you wont see him again" which really means "its my god given right to have my weekends to myself so dont think for one moment i'm having him" its a CO they made when SS(4) was 1 years old and both of them were unemployed.
But yeah that's my fear he's going to say something like that about me or my son! I've felt so uncomfortable in my own house because of the things he says, its just one of those situations where i dont want him any where near us because of it as horrible as that sounds.
NOPE!! She is dead wrong. It
NOPE!! She is dead wrong. It is the custodial parents job to "supply" the child for visitation as ordered but there is no way to force the parent to take visitation. That is where custodial parents are often taken advantage of- especially if they have plans to work during visitation time. There is no law that forces the other parent to take the visitation. Your FDH needs to get the order amended to suit his new schedule.
In my experience with my four
In my experience with my four year old son, I have learned that 99% of the time, if you ask him something, his first response is the most truthful answer your going to get. If you keep asking him, the story begins to twist and change.
Maybe try simply asking him something once, a little while after he makes a comment. If he makes a comment about someone "kissing his willy", don't ask any questions at that time just blow it off for the moment, wait about an hour or so and simply ask him if "(person) kisses his willy", see what his response is.
I've learned that's how it works with my four year old son, maybe give it a shot, just try not to initially blow up when he says something you suspect is a lie, just ignore it for a little while, then calmly ask him once his mind has changed directions and see what his response is.