DD's SM NEVER passes messages to exH

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I'm irritated...lol. Had to call ex's house yesterday to advise of a change re: a doctor's appointment and bill. I intended to leave a message as I assumed everyone would be at work. SM answered the phone, I gave her the info, she said she would let exH know. He calls this morning to talk to DD. I asked him if he was okay with the change....and he didn't know what I was talking about! SM never told him I called or what was going on....ugh. I wish I could say this is the first time, but it's not. Neither she nor her kids EVER pass messages on to him. Had to vent....sorry.

Text messages or email

Text messages or email directly to ex?

Unfortunately he doesn't have

Unfortunately he doesn't have a cell so texts are out, which isn't really a big deal. Email is what I usually do unless, as in this case, I'm nowhere near a computer....but I think I will just try back later in the future. That's always fun too because she is ALWAYS the one answering the phone and sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get her to give him the phone.

I've gotta say...BM might say

I've gotta say...BM might say this about me. I am the one who answers the phone because he just hates talking on the phone. If BM calls, I expect she is civil and polite. An expected call would go like this: "Hello?" "Hi Kath, it's BM. I'm just calling to ask yourDH if we can change pickup time this weekend. Is he around?" Sure, I'll bring him the phone so he'll take the call and sort it out. When I answer the phone and get "Is *nickname she had for him* there?" you bet your ass I tell her "Nope, I'll tell him you called" and hang up because it's happened that he'll take a call from her and it's nothing to do with skids, she wants to "chat" and he's pissed off because she's wasting his time. Not happening.

Well, I can certainly

Well, I can certainly understand in that case.

I'd just email everything to

I'd just email everything to him from now on. That way you're sending it to him, not relying on anyone else to pass along a message AND you have proof you notified him in case he claims you never told him.

^^This the majority of the

^^This the majority of the time when BM and I communicated I would actually pass messages on however I hated being put in that position.

HOWEVER, many of us here talk about how we are not responsible and I think almost everyone is going through some sort of disengagement to not deal with BM. I don't know how you get along with the BM in your situation but I would live by the rule that if you wouldn't do it for yours why should your ex do it for you.

I actually have little to no

I actually have little to no communication with the BM in my case. This isn’t because I refuse to, but because I’ve never put myself in the position to have that contact with her.

I didn't ask her to pass the

I didn't ask her to pass the message on....she offered, so I was not expecting her to be my personal secretary. If it was a problem for her all she had to do was ask me to call back later.

I had my DH tell BM that she

I had my DH tell BM that she is never to contact me with anything unless an absolute emergency (meaning an ambulance has been called). If I get anything from her, text, call, etc., I ignore. This is based on the fact that in the past if she couldn't get in touch with DH to bitch him out she instantly turned to me as the next target. Sorry I don't play that game. And I don't relay messages. DH has cell phone. Call it.

However, on the flip side, my BS20 has the best step-mom ever and we talked a lot. We both learned it was pointless to hand the phone to my ex because he would say I don't know and would tell her to figure it out for him. We just cut him out of the middle and there wasn't any fuss. She was even kind enough to call me once when my BS20 was with her (he was about 5 at the time) and he was acting up big time. She didn't want to discipline without a birth parent's permission first. I appreciated the courtesy and told her give him a time out like she would her own child. She was quite a help over the years and I still appreciate everything she has done for my son!

BM used to call OUR house and

BM used to call OUR house and it would go like this: Me: "Hello?" BM: "Who's this?" Me: "Hmmm, you called MY house, so who is THIS?" BM: "Put him on the phone." Me: Click....

Every time you leave a

Every time you leave a message with her or with a skid, follow up with an email after the fact once you're near a computer. Or just stop leaving messages with her.

Seems like a simple enough problem to fix.

Yea, I'm going to have to do

Yea, I'm going to have to do that I guess. I wish she would just let me leave a message on the phone instead of answering it. Him too for that case. I can always leave a message....not a biggie. I don't call to talk to either one of them anyway, just to relay information that is of some importance.

I sometimes forget how

I sometimes forget how anti-BM a lot of people on this site are....understandably so, as it is a forum for step-parents. I didn't get into the whole story that I had left a message and she texted me and told me it was broken up. I called back the next day to leave the same message and she answered the phone. I didn't see a problem giving her the message since she was the one who took it upon herself to contact me regarding the previous message. I did not demand she take the message. I did not demand she answer the phone and talk to me. My point is this....they have caller ID, so she knew it was me calling. She could have let the machine pick up instead of answering, no biggie. If you're going to answer a phone call, that you know isn't for you, then offer to give a message, then do it. If you can't be bothered, then let the machine pick up. It's that simple.