It is so tough
It is so tough to disagree over kid issues. My dh has tons of baggage from the debacle of his daughters. My son, who is at a community college, and doing well, needs a car. I have been driving him, myself and I work full time. Many mornings I am driving a solid hour back and forth, and then get ready for work! He now has a job, which adds to it. My ex and I want to get him a cheap car.......he is ready. Now dh us vehemently opposed...saying he needs to earn all of it! But yet as soon as his beauty got her license, he immediately bought a second car! He is angry because I called him a hypocrite. He is angry because I bring up his dsughters and how they all got cars. He is so jaded because of that disgusting battling and he doesn't want my kids to turn out like his spoiled brats, but it is unreasonable......we are paying the price now. And I should add that all finances are separate.
Sorry, considering the
Sorry, considering the history, he really has no say in this.
He is being an ass.
Oh our DH's they can't stand
Oh our DH's they can't stand it when we call them out on their hypocrisy about their precious babies. The truth about your DH seems to have cut him to the bone, good for you. He has no arguement so all he is left to do is get angry about it, huff & puff, hoping that you will bow down to him, don't do it. If you feel that your son deserves a vehicle and you have the means to help provide one for him, don't let your DH's hissy fit get in the way of that.
Your DH has a tenuouse grasp
Your DH has a tenuouse grasp on reality with his perspective on giving his spawn cars and your son not getting one.
Now dh us vehemently
Now dh us vehemently opposed...saying he needs to earn all of it!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This is NOT his kid right? I could see my DH saying something that stupid. But my response would have been loud laughter and me telling him I appreciate his opinion, but it is worthless in this situation. He need to zip his trap about your kid and he needs to go buy his kid ANOTHER car.
If you and your ex are
If you and your ex are getting your son a car your dh needs to keep his trap shut. You're not asking HIM to buy your son a car!
"And I should add that all
"And I should add that all finances are separate."
Repeat after me: DH, you made some valid points. While I appreciate your insight, I am just going to go ahead and do XYZ. EX and I have agreed, it really shouldn't effect you in a negative way and will only have a positive outcome for me (the time driving etc.)
Giving his kids cars should
Giving his kids cars should not be validation for giving your DS a car. I agree - since your DH is not paying for it why the hell should he care? EXCEPT - when he compares skids to your DS. It's a slap to his ego. Just do it without his permission. No further discussion needed.
He has been away on business
He has been away on business and we have barely spoke the past day or so.....lots of tension. I do feel very bad basically ignoring dh's opinion. We have our funds totally separate so I really do not think it is about the money. It will be a cheap used car anyway. I do believe that dh really does care about my children. He has gone out of his way so many times doing selfless things for them and me. I think he realizes he made so many mistakes with his own children and ex that he sometimes acts in a different manner because he does not want to create the previous setup. Like he will make me do garden work with him because he was the only one doing anything while the lazy witches sat on their asses sunbathing. Things like that. I feel very guilty!!
When it comes to lazy SDs,
When it comes to lazy SDs, been there - done that. My SD would never lift a finger to help with anything - even to clean up after herself. But instead of DH doing the work, I did.
Your DH is being totally unreasonable to save face. your son seems to be a responsible adult. His kids aren't. DH is comparing apples and oranges. If you feel bad ignoring his opinion, then acknowledge that yes, you understand what he is saying, you respect his opinion, however you have an agreement with your ex. So you will be paying for half of yours son's car. The end.
I used to discuss SD with DH and he became defensive even though he knew she was being a lazy, nasty witch. Now it is a very rare occasion I say anything about her and we get along much better. I does sound like your DH has a fragile ego too. A few months back I told my DH I wanted to buy a jeep. This was something he couldn't afford but I could because I saved the money. He started acting weird and defensive until I called him on his obvious jealousy. I still bought the jeep. It took a few months but he got over it.
Well dh is very cheap. I do
Well dh is very cheap. I do not know if that is about a fragile ego, but he is cheap! Yet I have not held it against him because he does a lot for me, just not a provider of money. I also make more than he does. I think the life he made with his ex and daughters was very disturbed. He realizes it now and tries so hard to not have it happen again. Just like the garden story or even at an airport he will not help with my luggage sometimes. Because he does not want me to morph into them. Dh came from a large family. Father was never home .....working and wife and kids idolized the father. Dh was super responsible even then! He compares my kids to himself often......very controlling. So guess what? Dh is never home much.. working!!! I like my space....that is why this works.
Ah the great car debate. We
Ah the great car debate. We are planning on giving bd17 a car when she starts school in fall. We bought OSD a car, it was a year old and she wrecked it smoking a cig and speeding in the rain. This was before I was disengaged and into buying their love. Bought another car...it was a $5000 car. Solid used car. Nothing special. Well the bitching and moaning and groaning commenced. Serious bitching and moaning. and she refused to insure it. we finally got ourselves off title and dh flew in to take plates off. we were worried she would get in accident and wed be screwed! When sd18 asked where her car was (yes really) we said circumstances changed ( we had another baby, moved across country, job changes, etc) and we couldn't help her. Then bm started in. She sent an email to dh's entire family begging for money or car. She got NOTHING! It was so friggin awesome. Now, if bd posts a selfie of herself in a car, ysd18 is all over it wanting to know if she got a car. When she finds out bd got one...well it's going to go over like a fart in church. I guess if it's that important to bm that her sugar pie gets a car...she will find a job. There's a concept!